Unlimited Harem Works
by ItsComplicatedOkay
Summary: After the Holy Grail War, Shirou thinks that most of his troubles are over. Let's watch as his ever-growing harem proves him wrong. *Finished... somewhat*
1. Enter Sakura Matou and Rin Tohsaka

**Yeah yeah, I know I have a lot on my plate. Epic finale of PJ:CotLG, fourth chapter of Sea Breeze, writing an original story, and just surviving my high school life (Damn you El Fili!) takes up a lot of my time. Why am I doing this? I couldn't resist.**

**Note: This takes place after the end of the game, with multiple endings mushed together. Ilya living with Taiga (Fate), Rin making Shirou her apprentice (UBW), Sakura having knowledge of Servants (HF), etc.**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Fate/Stay Night**

* * *

**Chapter One: Enter Sakura Matou and Rin Tohsaka**

* * *

"Um... Tohsaka, what's this for?" asked Shirou, holding up the brown book Rin just gave him. In response, Rin gave him her signature "Teacher to pupil" pose.

"Well Emiya-kun, Sakura and I decided to intervene. You've been obsessing over Saber for too long, when there are better options readily available. Just face it, she's never coming back," said Rin. Shirou didn't want to believe it. Someone once said that if there's a will, there's a way, and the boy sure had the will. Shaking the thoughts out of his head, he followed up with another question.

"So how is this book going to help me?" asked the ginger, opening the door to the archery dojo.

"Sakura said that maybe if you express your feelings and let them go, they'll go away," stated Rin. "You could call it a diary or a journal." Upon hearing the familiar voices, Sakura put down her bow.

"_Ohayō_ Sempai!" said the purple-haired beauty. "Good morning to you too, Tohsaka-san!"

In response, Shirou raised the brown book and put a questioning expression on his face. Sakura's smile faltered a little. "Oh... about that..."

"So you two want me to write journal entries?" asked the amateur magus. They both nodded. "And if I don't?" Sakura put her cute sad eyes look on, while Rin donned her tsundere glare.

_'Look away, Shirou!'_ begged a voice in the said teen's mind. Sakura's eyes pierced a hole through Shirou's heart, while Rin's set it on fire. No one, absolutely no one, could resist for long. Luckily for him, Mitsuzuri Ayako came to the rescue.

"Shirou!" greeted the captain of the archery club. "Visiting Sakura-kun again, huh?"

"Yeah, and I also came to see how the archery club was doing," replied Shirou, oblivious to the real meaning of Ayako's words. Of course, the two companions of his caught the implication, so Sakura blushed and Rin glared daggers at the tomboy.

When the archery club finished, Mitsuzuri forcing Shirou to have a shooting competition with her, Sakura, Rin and Shirou left Fuyuki High.

"So, who's cooking today?" asked Rin, poking her belly. She had gained a few pounds over the weeks eating at the Emiya estate. Guess it's back to the batting cage for her.

Shirou replied, "Fuji-nee wanted to try a new recipe she got from a cooking show." It wasn't that they thought of Taiga was a bad cook, it's just that she's abysmal compaired to the three adolescents. Plus, she's as clumsy as heck.

"So we're eating out tonight?" asked the pig-tailed _tsundere_.

Sakura sighed. "No. Fujimura-sensei might have a tantrum if we don't eat." Passing through the familiar road, the group was now in front of the gate.

"Fuji-nee, we're home!" said Shirou, taking off his shoes and stepping into the house. Instantly, the smell of burnt food invaded his senses. Coughing, he reached the kitchen, which was filled with black fumes. Sakura, who had followed Shirou, grabbed a nearby fire extinguisher and tossed it Shirou's way. He caught it, ripped off the pin and fired, dousing the whole counter with white foam.

"Fuji-nee, you idiot! What did you do?" exclaimed the owner of the house, pointing at the pile of ashes on the pan. Rin picked up the phone, ordering take-out. Sakura was cleaning up the kitchen, scooping the foam up. At the sound of her charge's shout, Fujimura Taiga rushed to the scene, a _Fate/Zero_ manga in her hands.

"Oh... I guess I left the stir-fry on for too long," stated the teacher. "**Illyasviel von Einzberg!** Why didn't you alert me?"

The said child walked out of Shirou's room, surveying the scene. Then she smirked. "I wanted to teach you how to be responsible! Plus, you didn't ask me to warn you."

Sighing, Taiga slumped onto the cushion. Shirou had just finished cleaning the burnt utensils, so he decided to scold his guardian.

"Are you crazy? The house could've burned down! You're not supposed to leave your pan unattended!" said Shirou, pointing a finger at Taiga. "Damn, how in the world did you become a guardian?"

After everything was back to normal, and with dinner finished, the harem left the residence. Emiya Shirou now had the house to himself. Which meant...

The ginger retreated into his room. He brought out the journal the girls had given him earlier and started writing.

"Rin... Sakura... Fuji-nee being a dumbass. Saber." This went on for a while, him ranting about the day, how Fujimura Taiga endangered the lives of everyone in Fuyuki, and his Saber. He set down the book, actually feeling better. Smiling, he made his way to the shed to practice the only magic available to him.

"Trace, _on_!" muttered Shirou, practicing his strengthening on a chair. He identified the flaws in the design and filled it with prana. Unlike before, where he failed very frequently, he now had a pretty good chance of succeeding. After finishing that, he made his way to the house and fell asleep.

* * *

**THE NEXT DAY**

* * *

Shirou woke up, sweating profusely. It was the usual dream he had every night since Saber left. It was Arturia's final stand on the hill. It always tore him to pieces seeing his love get hurt in front of him and not being able to help her out.

He wobbled over to the bathroom, washing the sweat and oil off his face. In effect, his drowsiness dissipated due to the water's cold temperature. He walked towards the kitchen to make breakfast for Fuji-nee and the others.

After grabbing the ingredients for the omelette out of the fridge, the doorbell rang. Sakura. He then heard a shuffle of footsteps and a "Good morning, sempai!" from behind him. He looked behind him to see the purple-headed beauty putting on an apron.

"You don't need to help, I'll be fine by myself!" objected Shirou. "Besides, you have your club to go to!"

"You mean _we_ have our club to go to!" rebutted Sakura, bringing out a bento box. Shirou was perplexed. He didn't know what she meant by that.

"Um... what are you talking about? I left the archery club, remember?" stated Shirou. Sakura let out a sigh.

"Buchou told me to become more aggressive with you. You know, prod you to join the Archery Club again," replied Sakura, who was starting to chop the rosemary. Shirou mentally cursed Mitsuzuri Ayako to the heavens. She was pursuasive..._ too_ pursuasive. Plus, he would probably succumb to Sakura's puppy-eyes.

"...Fine, I guess I could join again," mumbled Shirou, searing the fillet. Sakura did a little chibi victory dance in her head. She was one step closer to wooing her Emiya. Then there was a knock on the door.

"I'll get it. Sakura, could you watch the food. I do _not_ want a repeat of last night," said the ginger, walking towards the door. Sakura sighed. _'If only there wasn't such a huge competition for him.'_

Shirou opened the door, revealing Rin in all of her pig-tailed glory. "Hello Tohsaka," he said, holding the door open for the bright magus. She didn't say a word, only walking past him. Typical Tohsaka. Right behind the magus was a certain Fujimura Taiga, who was carrying a sleeping Ilya. "Hey, Fuji-nee."

"Hi Shirou," said Taiga, walking past him too. He walked back to the kitchen, to find that almost everything was prepared. The only thing left was to plate the food.

"Sakura, I already told you that you didn't have to do anything, much less _everything_," said Shirou, who was feeling guilty. To him, it felt like he was taking advantage of her kindness.

"I enjoy doing this sempai. With you," said Matou Sakura, bringing the five omelettes to the table. Sighing, Shirou took his place beside the now alert Ilya and Taiga.

"_Itadakimasu_." After breakfast, the group got up to leave, Ilya to the Fujimura residence and the others to Fuyuki High. Like always, Taiga took her motorbike, leaving the other three in the dust, which gave them plenty of time to talk.

"Hey, Emiya-kun, did you hear about the new exchange student?" asked Rin.

Curious, he asked, "What about it?"

"It's a girl our year level. She came from England," stated Rin. "No one knows what classroom she gets yet."

Sakura segued into a different topic. "Sempai, remember what you said about the Archery Club?"

"Yeah yeah, I'll join," said Shirou. He was hoping he wouldn't regret his decision. Rin, on the other hand, glared at the two. She was beginning to lose her territory in Shirou's heart, with Sakura and Saber's memory filling most of the gaps. She needed a plan fast.

"...You spend a lot of time with Sakura nowadays, huh Shirou?" At that comment, Shirou looked away while Sakura blushed.

"Now that you mention it, yeah. I guess I have," said Shirou, rubbing the back of his head. They were now at the gates of the Dojo, which was where Rin and the archers were supposed to separate, according to Sakura. Sadly, Rin didn't appear to get the memo, for she had walked into the dojo also. Sakura gave her a look.

"What? I want to check up on Ayako's skills!"

* * *

**TIME SKIP**

* * *

Everyone had just sat down, Fujimura-sensei tripping, as always. Then a little deviation made it's way into homeroom.

"Class, as most of you already know, there is going to be a new exchange student! And she'll be in our class!" exclaimed Taiga. At her words, a blonde girl walked into the classroom. Even in the bland school uniform the rest of the pupils were wearing, she was a knockout. Flawless skin, silky locks of blonde. Her face was timeless, and her eyes were a deep green. To our hero, Shirou, she was a carbon copy of Saber.

* * *

**So, how was it? Please review, 'cause this story is like a car. Without fuel (reviews), the car won't go.**

**Also, I'll post a poll on my profile after PJ:CotLG's main arc is done, where you can vote for who gets Shirou. Sure, the results may not influence me, but if a lot of people want a certain girl...**

**See you next time!**


	2. Enter Sadie Hemsworth

**_Ohayou gozaimasu_, everyone! In this chapter, we get to meet the new transfer-student, Sadie Hemsworth. I know the last name's bad, so you don't have to point that out in the reviews. Oh yeah, if you don't know what a _"Naru-Punch"_ is, and you say you love harem mangas, I feel sorry for you. And please don't mind the Horatio Kaine reference.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fate/Stay Night, and I'm not affiliated with Type-Moon.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Two: Enter Sadie Hemsworth**

* * *

"Hello, I am Sadie Hemsworth," said the exchange student, bowing stiffly. "Any questions?"

Issei's and a few other male classmates' hand shot straight up. Sadie ignored them. She scanned the room, her eyes finally laying on our hero's. "How about you?"

"N-Nothing," replied Shirou, whose mind was racing. _'Who the hell is she, and why is she pretty much a clone of Saber?'_

Oblivious of the other hands, Taiga asked a question. "Are you related to that friend of Kiritsugu's? The two of you look very similar."

"No, I do not know of this Kiritsugu nor of his friend," replied Sadie. Shirou thought he caught a little stutter in her voice, but he attributed it to his imagination. She was just too regal. She then looked over to Issei.

"Um, I'm fine. Fujimura-sensei asked the question I wanted to ask already," said Issei.

The rest of the homeroom session was a blur to Shirou. He was too busy drinking in Sadie's image. She was too much like Saber, not only in looks, but also in personality.

_**RING!**_ The bell's shrill sound shook him from his reverie. He started to bring out the materials needed for the next period when his guardian called him. "Emiya-kun, over here!"

Of course, he obliged. At Taiga's side, he asked, "What do you need, Fuji-nee?"

"Show Sadie around school for the whole day. Don't worry, your subject teachers have already been notified, so take your time. I don't expect you to be back till the end of the day, okay Emiya-kun?" commanded the clumzy teacher. Shirou looked behind him. Saber's doppelganger was standing straight, her stance revealing her elegance to all. Her bleached blonde hair was let down, making her even more beautiful.

"...Why me?"

"Because it looks like she trusts you more than anyone else. Heck, she even picked you during the Q&A even though your hand wasn't raised," nonchalantly replied Taiga, prepping her lesson plans. "Now go get her."

Shirou hobbled towards Sadie, not even trying to hide his reluctance. "We should go."

"Yes, I believe we should." Shirou noticed that for a foreigner, she speaks Japanese pretty well. Shirou sighed. Time to add that to the already colossal pile of similarities between the two blondes.

* * *

"So this is the Kendo dojo?" said Sadie, picking up a bamboo sword. The dojo... technically wasn't a dojo. It was basically a recreation room with one or two sword racks inside. Compared to the archery dojo, the place was a dump.

"Yeah. Only a few people are in the Kendo club. Because of that, we never get to participate in competitions outside of this school," said Shirou, brushing a crushed soda can to the side. Then suddenly, a _shinai*****_ was thrown his way. He caught it instinctively.

"Let's spar," said Sadie, and without warning, attacked him with a barrage of slashes. Thanks to his training, Shirou was able to dodge the onslaught by a hair. _'Compared to training with Saber, this is easy.'_ Or so Shirou thought. Sadie sliced down, so Shirou sidestepped. Then, he stabbed without thinking. Thanks to the momentum of her swing, once she swung upward, the _shinai_ got knocked out of his grasp. Shirou was so shocked that he forgot to dodge, so the next strike sent him tumbling to the ground.

Sadie walked up to him and held out her hand. He grabbed it.

* * *

After the spar, or _"Beat-Shirou-up"_ time, as Shirou secretly called it, the two headed out for lunch. "Sadie, do you have lunch?"

"I don't. But I'm not hungr-" A soft rumble quickly stifled her rant. She covered her belly instantly. "Ahem, like I was saying..."

"Emiya-kun!" exclaimed a familiar voice behind him. Whipping his head around, he saw Tohsaka.

"You want to go... to..." The instant Sadie turned around, Rin started to mumble. She didn't need this in her quest for love. It was already hard enough with Sakura, but now _Saber_! Then the pseudo-Saber said, "Shirou, is this your friend?"

"Ah yes, her name is Ri- _agh_!" exclaimed Shirou, having been punched by his magus teacher. "Tohsaka, what was that for?"

"Get 'you-know-who' off your tail, then get your ass to the rooftop!"

"But I have to show her around school." Thanks to that statement, Rin's glare only intensified.

"Hmph! Fine, but when you two are done, go to the rooftop!" exclaimed Rin, spinning on her heels and going on her way. "_Without_ the blondie!" Shirou scratched the back of his head. Why was Rin acting like that?

"...Let's go, Shirou," said a monotone Sadie.

* * *

"...Um, this is the archery dojo," said Shirou, waving his arm in a "Look at the panoramic view" way. For some unknown reason, this was the most fully furnished dojo in the whole school.

The blonde grabbed a bow and a quiver that was on the rack, and handed it to Shirou. "Care to demonstrate?"

"You know I'm an archer?" Sadie smirked.

_"It is a lady's intuition,"_ said Sadie in perfect English. Then she switched back to Japanese. "So, are you going to shoot or what?"

Seeing that he didn't have an excuse not to, Shirou drew an arrow out of the sheath and nocked it on his bow. He aimed it at a target at least fifty meters away, visualizing the eventual point of impact in his head. He fired, the arrow hitting the bullseye. Shirou put the equipment back onto the rack. Behind him, he heard some faint clapping.

"Good job, Shirou," said Sadie, smiling. Looking like that, her pink lips curved into a perfect smile, Shirou saw his Saber. He gritted his teeth._ 'She wasn't Saber,'_ said Shirou to himself. _'She's never coming back.'_

"Thanks," said Shirou coldly, which wasn't like him. "Now let's get this over with."

Sadie was shocked. That wasn't the Shirou she knew. Something must've happened. Without protesting, she followed the red-head out the dojo doors.

* * *

"Class dismissed!" said Taiga, ending the class for today. "Shirou and Sadie, I want to talk to the two of you."

Shirou reluctantly got up. It felt as if he was insulting his old Servant's memory if he spent any more time with Sadie.

"Sadie, have you decided who you want to stay with?" asked Taiga. Shirou had totally forgotten. A transfer-student has to stay at a local's house. _'Please not me, please not me!'_

"Um... I'd like to stay at Shirou's house for now," replied Sadie, looking at Shirou for a response. He gave her a halfhearted smile.

"Ah... I..." stuttered Taiga, unable to defend. _'He_ has_ lived with women before,'_ thought the English teacher. She looked at Shirou, who looked like he was trying to tell her something. Ignoring his silent pleas, she made her decision.

* * *

Rin Tohsaka looked up at the colossal Japanese-style building in front of her. The Emiya estate. Taking in a deep breath, which was hard for her since she was still fuming mad at Shirou, she flipped through her magic notebook. The notebook was secretly synced with Shirou's journal, unbeknownst to Sakura and Shirou.

"Yesterday, he said I was... too _'Tohsaka-ish'_? Of course I'd be _'Tohsaka-ish'_, you _baka_, I _am_ Tohsaka," muttered Rin, who closed her notebook and knocked on the door. She opened the door, and much to her shock, the blonde who was with Shirou was right there! The magus let out a short shriek, which made Shirou rush onto the scene.

"Tohsaka, what's wrong?" asked Shirou. He looked at Sadie, who showed no signs of knowing the situations. Rin, on the other hand, looked like she was going to explode, a visible anime-esque stress mark on her forehead.

"_Naru-_" She pulled back her arm, magically reinforced her fist, and cried, "_**-PUNCH!****_" That right hook sent Shirou flying through the roof. She dusted off her hands and made her way to the dining room, where a distressed Sakura and a peppy Taiga were waiting. She didn't see that Sadie was glaring daggers at her.

* * *

"So I'll be living here for the rest of the semester, at least," explained Sadie, pressing the bag of ice to Shirou's left eye. He moaned. Sure, he knew that Rin was going to be mad, but he didn't expect that she would give him a shiner. At least he didn't get hit by one of her Gandr bullets. Sadie looked at the head on her lap. "Sorry to impose."

"I-It's fine, Sadie," replied Shirou. Then, they got lost in each other's eyes, killing at least five minutes, till Sakura gave a faint cough. The two looked away, Shirou blushing a little. Noticing the blush, Sakura nudged Rin, whispering, "Group Meeting. Code Blonde."

"I'll go to the washroom," said the two ladies at the same time. They got up, and promptly made their way to an empty room. Once inside, making sure that the door was locked, Sakura promptly started the meeting.

"What are we going to do, Rin?" whisper-shouted Sakura. "She looks just like Saber!"

"It looks like we're gonna have to..." said Rin, putting on a pair of shades, "..._sheathe that sword.*****_"

* * *

_**Footnotes:**_

_***Shinai:** Wooden practice sword used in Kendo_

_****Naru-Punch:** Famous punch used by Naru Narusegawa to punish perverts, like Keitaro Urashima. Close to medium range. (Manga Reference: Love Hina)_

_*******Reference to Horatio Kaine's famous one-liners_

* * *

**Well, that's that. Don't forget to leave some reviews. Also, when pointing out grammatical/spelling errors, could you state the whole sentence? It's easier to find the offending phrase/word if you do that. Thank you.**

**Goodbye!**


	3. Enter Luviagelita Edelfelt

**As a little treat, here's the next chapter! (I apologize for the brevity though)**

**Disclaimer in Chapter One**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Three: Enter Luviagelita Edelfelt**

* * *

It was the end of the school day, and the end of the archery club session, yet two teenagers still couldn't stop laughing.

"Sorry sis, but that was pretty funny!" laughed Sakura, Shirou following her lead. See, Rin had tried using a bow, but failed horribly, tearing off one of the straps of Taiga's dress. At that remark, Rin pulled off her signature tsundere pose, hiding her blushing face from her love interest. Sadie, on the other hand, remained stoic.

Then the sound of a girl in the tree stifled their laughs. "So we meet again, Rin Tohsaka." The background music suddenly changed from _"Surrounded by Smiling Faces"_ to _"Premonition of a Storm"_. The source of the voice descended from her perch, and stepped into view. The mysterious figure had curly blonde hair, with a hint of orange, that reached her bust. Speaking of bust, the lady was very..._ well endowed_, yet neither of Shirou's female companions wanted to admit it, especially Rin. She emitted the aura of a noble, and her stature only added confirmation. Her lips curved into a smirk.

"Why, who _is_ this fine young gentleman?" asked the woman in an English accent. She walked up to the group, "Is he one of your suitors, Ms. Tohsaka?"

"Wait... what are _you_ doing here?" exclaimed Rin, shaking herself out of her shock. She took a stance, her Magic Crest starting to glow. "Aren't you supposed to be in Europe?"

The blonde replied, "Please wait, Tohsaka, I wouldn't want to be rude to your companions. Ahem, my name is Luviagelita Edelfelt. Please call me Luvia." She followed up with a curtsy.

"Shirou, get behind me!" exclaimed Sadie, getting in front of the said man. Sadie didn't feel serene near that woman, and that only happens when the said person looks like a potential enemy. Shirou was perplexed. 'Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around?'

Rin asked, with a tone of disgust, "Again, what do you want?"

"Heh, it's too early to reveal that, but I will tell you that it has something to do with that woman over there." She then pointed her hand at... Sadie! Shirou instantly went in front of Sadie. He finally noticed that Luvia was a magus herself.

"Hey, don't you touch her!" exclaimed Shirou. He would've projected a sword right away if Luvia's cold words hadn't stopped him.

"Shirou Emiya. Still haven't told the Mage's Association about your _reality marble_, I see," said Luvia, hammering a nail into the coffin. "Be quiet if you don't want _that_ little secret to get out."

Rin gritted her teeth. "Why you-"

Then the elegant lady disappeared, retreating into the forest. Rin would've followed her, if Sakura hadn't stopped her.

* * *

**Time Skip: Sunday**

* * *

Rin was obviously as mad as she could be. Luvia, her arch-rival, had just dropped by to cause a load of hubbub and basically mess up her life. She had to form a truce with Sakura thanks to the exchange-student. Speaking of Sadie, she had the nerve to ask _her_ Shirou out on a date. Well, if going out to buy ingredients counts as a date.

"Relax, Rin. If you grit your teeth too hard, they could notice us!" said the sibling beside her. Yep, they were tailing the two, just to make sure nothing disadvantageous to their quest for love happened. "Seriously, you've been like this ever since the fiasco with Lu-"

"Wait, look at where they're going!" exclaimed Rin. The two women gasped in horror as Shirou led Sadie into a boutique, completely ignoring the earlier whim of "Only buying ingredients". Of course, they stealthily followed, putting on their back-up trench coats and shades. Agents Sakura and Rin were on the move.

"Rin, summon your familiar!" whisper-shouted Agent Sakura. Looking through her binoculars, she saw Shirou choosing a dress for Sadie, while the said foreigner clutches the groceries, blushing a little at the same time.

Rin replied, "Okay. Idioten ich hasse dich*****!" All of a sudden, a bird appeared on Rin's shoulders. She pointed at the boutique, and the hummingbird humbly obeyed. It flew towards the shop and perched on one of the clothes racks. Instantly, Rin could visualize the interior of the boutique.

"Sadie, why don't you try this on?" said Shirou, holding up a familiar white and blue dress.

Suddenly, Sadie tensed. "_...Shirou..._"

"What, you don't like it? I thought you wanted to experience Japanese-like clothing."

"No, it's not that." She then reached out for the familiar, and crushed it with her bare hands. She then proceeded to dust them off. "Actually, I'd prefer that."

Meanwhile, Rin was clutching her ears, a side-effect of the familiar's death. Her eardrums felt like they were going to explode.

* * *

"Thanks Shirou!" said Sadie, twirling around in her white on blue outfit. Shirou's lips curled up a little. The two other girls, on the other hand, were quite the opposite. Rin's eardrums still rang, while Sakura was just downright jealous.

_'Why can't I get a cool dress like that?'_

* * *

_**Footnotes:**_

_***Literally means: **_**Idiot, I hate you!**_** Just a little something I put together at the last** **moment.**_

* * *

**Well, that's all for now. Don't expect a new chapter too soon.**

**Goodbye!**


	4. Enter Ayaka Sajyou

**Hello, and welcome back to another chapter of, "Unlimited Harem Works"! For some reason, I put off writing my PJO and AT fics, just to write this.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fate/Stay Night. That franchise is owned by Type-Moon.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Four: Enter Ayaka Sajyou**

* * *

_**BAM!**_

Shirou landed onto the ground with a thud, his things scattered due to the impact. He rubbed his head. The impact hurt more than he thought it would. Guess it's back to the dojo for him. Ignoring the thoughts rushing through his mind, he looked over to the person he had collided with.

She was average-looking, with average dark brown hair that reached her shoulders, and average dark blue eyes. Her waist was average, and her bust was average. Everything about her screamed average. She replaced her glasses back on her head, looking back at our hero.

Both of them felt... a pull towards each other, like Shirou's relationship with Archer. They were connected, whether they liked it or not. Shirou sat up, and started gathering his and her things, the girl with the glasses helping him out. Luckily for Shirou (And his four- no, five woman harem), there wasn't the cliche "Hand-Touch" that usually happens when two students help each other pick stuff up. Standing up, Shirou offered his hand to the girl, the lady obliging.

"Sorry. I didn't see you there," said Shirou. He looked around a little, making sure that his "Girl-Friends" didn't see him talk to her. They would've mobbed the brunette for sure.

"N-No, it was all my fault," stammered the woman. She was... insecure, at best, so she was trying her hardest to get through the situation with her dignity intact. "Anyway, I-I'm Ayaka Sajyou*****. How about you?"

"Shirou Emiya. You go to school here?"

"Yeah, I'm 3-F."

"So we're the same year! That's nice." Before they knew it, the awkwardness dissipated, and they were talking to each other like old friends. It turns out that they're pretty similar. Plus, they're both magi! How the conversation got to that point is unknown, even to the author. He smiled at her, and she smiled at him. Then Ayaka went stiff.

"Um, Ayaka, are you okay?" asked Shirou out of concern. Ayaka didn't respond. She reached into her pocked and produced three black feathers. This perplexed Shirou, but not for long. She threw them into a nearby tree, causing something to fall with a thud. Before she could advance, Shirou asked, "A hostile magus?"

After recieving a nod, Shirou projected _Kanshou_ and _Bakuya_. Once they were ready, they confronted... Sakura and Rin. Shirou face-palmed. _'When will they stop stalking me?'_

* * *

Rin's heartbeat accelerated, intimidated by the hard challenge ahead. They were going to do... something still unknown to you readers, and Rin's love life was on the line. She stared her rival and opponent down, giving her the glare of a lifetime. Luvia glared back. If looks could kill, they would both be dead twice over.*****

"You ready? Or do you want to give up?" mocked Luvia in a superior tone. She then put her hand out in front of her.

Rin asked, "Wait, what will you gain from this? It's not like you like him!" Silence filled the air. Rin was shocked. Didn't they just meet a few days ago? How could _she_ like _her_ Emiya? "But how-"

"It's called 'love at first sight', _Rinny_. Anyway, let's get to the main act," said Luvia, nearly losing her cool. Having no other choice, Rin put out her right hand. It was a Sudden Death match, so it was only one round. Only one chance.

"Three!" yelled the raven-haired magus.

"**Two!**" exclaimed the blonde woman.

Then the two cried, "_**ONE!**_" A cloud of dust formed around the two, effectively removing their vision. Rin hoped, maybe even prayed, that she would win. When the dust cleared, it was obvious who had won. Rin...

..._lost_.

The magus in red's right hand had all five of her fingers sticking out, symbolizing Gilgamesh and his Gate of Babylon. Luvia, on the other hand, had her hand clenched into a fist, symbolizing Shirou and his Reality Marble. In this rock-paper-scissors-like event*****, Luvia had prevailed. Rin's knees buckled, shocked at her defeat. Luvia now had the right to ask Shirou out, and Rin couldn't make a move on the boy for a whole week.

* * *

"Um, what did you say?" asked Shirou. Luvia had just asked him a ludicrous question. "I don't think I heard that correctly."

"I said, _'Could you please accompany me to the city?'_. I ran out of English tea, and I've heard from... Rin that the best English tea in the city could be found in Shinto," said Luvia, knowing that the man she felt infatuated with would definitely go with her, thanks to her feminine charms. All men are merely pawns at her disposal, due to her womanly charisma.

"Can't." This broke- no, _shattered_ Luvia's mask. She was shocked so much that she gripped Shirou's shoulders. _**Hard.**_ Shirou winced in pain. The sight of Shirou in pain seemed to calm her down, for some reason.

"Why not?"

"Well, you threatened my friends, I just met you, and I already have somewhere to go. Can you please just take Rin?" asked Shirou, removing her hands off of his shoulder, and walking away. Well, _tried_ to walk away would be more accurate.

Luviagelita, a woman known for her calm and composed attitude, jumped on top of Shirou and had him in a very effective headlock in a split second. Shirou would've gasped, but that would've meant his death. They were in an empty alley. No one was around to save him. This would be his demise, death by asphyxiation in a woman's bosom.

"Where do you have to go?" asked the "Forklift Lady", her arms tightening around Shirou's neck, her chest making sure that no air managed to reach the ginger's lips.

"_Gh_- Someone -_ gah_ - asked me - _cough_ - to... go out... with... _h_e_r_..." Shirou would've lost consciousness if Luvia hadn't decided to let go. Shirou stumbled, massaging his sore throat and trying to get oxygen into his system.

"...Sorry, I lost control over my emotions. I'll... take my leave." Luvia retreated. Shirou would've followed, had he not just been suffocated by that woman. Luvia, the enigma Shirou might never understand.

* * *

_**Footnotes:**_

_**Ayaka Sajyou: She's pretty much a female Shirou. She was going to be the protagonist, with a male Saber, but they changed her and some other stuff, because Type-Moon's target audience then was the male population. Check the wiki if you want to know more about her.**_

_**...Both be dead twice over: Reference to Majoi Neko Overrun!, where one of the tsundere characters says "Just Die Twice Already!" all the time.**_

_**Rock-Paper-Scissors-like event: It's RPS, Fate/Stay Night style! Shirou beats Gilgamesh; Gilgamesh beats the Other Servants; the Other Servants beat Shirou**_

_**Luviagelita Edelfelt: She is NOT my OC. Just making it clear. Check the wiki if you want to know more about Luvia.**_

* * *

**I hope you didn't regret spending your time to read my chapter. If you liked it, say it in the reviews, and if you don't, tell me why. Please don't give me ambiguous reviews, or reviews that don't give an explanation to why you think the chapter was lame.**

**Anyway, see you next week (Hopefully)**


	5. Enter Stray Servant and Rider

**Kon'nichiwa! Welcome back, to another chapter of UNLIMITED HAREM WORKS! Got my mid-term marks, and I have to say, they were pretty low. Cs, Cs everywhere! Better put on my determined look on and actually study!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fate/Stay Night**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Five: Enter Stray Servant* and Rider**

* * *

Before we get on with the fifth chapter, I'd like to remind you of how many women are actually residing in Shirou's house. **Sadie** is there, obviously. **Rin** is there on the pretext of being Shirou's magus teacher, or "His Master", as Rin likes to call it.** Sakura** is there, because she's practically living alone, due to Rider living her own life in the city of Shinto. **Ilya** lives with Taiga, so she practically lives in the Emiya Estate too. That makes four girls living in his house. Anyway, now that that's clear, let's get on with the chapter.

* * *

"Um, hello, is this Kiritsugu Emiya's house?" asked a girl Shirou had never met before. Shirou had learnt to be cautious with people like her. They could be assassin magi in disguise, or they could be freeloading hobos. Anything is possible with his kind of luck.

"Well, what's your affiliation with my father?" asked the boy, trying his best to cover up his hospitality.

"I was a secret eighth Servant***** in the Fourth Holy Grail War." Shirou was paralyzed. That was pretty much definite proof that she isn't a mere hobo. The magi assassin theory still wasn't disproved, though. "I have a _A+_ ranked _Independent Action_ stat, so I can stay in this world indefinitely."

"Then how do you know my father?" rebutted Shirou.

"Uh... I just know him from the War. See, I killed my Master, so-"

The sound of footsteps sipenced the mystery person. "Shirou, can you help me out? I need someone to beat the eggs. _Shirou?__!_" shouted Rin Tohsaka, who was approaching the front door in her attempt to find Shirou. "Where are you, you _baka_? Stop making me worry..."

After swiftly deciding that she was neither an assassin nor a bum, he quickly shoved her into an empty closet nearby. He now had to stall Tohsaka.

"Oh, sorry Rin, I was just preoccupied by my thoughts. I'll get back to you right away!" exclaimed Shirou. The footsteps stopped, then started again, getting fainter every step. The magus in red took the bait!

Then, Shirou quickly instructed, "Okay, you can come out, but you have to follow my lead." The Stray Servant***** followed him, out of the closet and into the fray. She would be called "Shiki Misaki"*****, an old friend of Kiritsugu. Basically, she'll have the exact same excuse as Shirou's old Servant.

"There you are, Emiya-kun. What ha-" The thud of the kitchen blade echoed through the house. Shirou brought home yet another "Stray"*****, according to Rin, and she did NOT like it. Shirou's explanation didn't make things any better. C'mon, she was there when Shirou explained Saber's fake situation to Taiga and Sakura, so she definitely saw through the lie pretty quickly.

"She can stay. On _one_ condition."

"What is it Rin?"

"If she can last five minutes in a spar against Sadie."

* * *

"W-What in the world?" exclaimed Rin. Sadie was facing off with "Shiki" in the dojo, and they were at a definite stalemate. She flipped through the synced notebook again.

_'She walks like Saber, she talks like Saber, she fights like Saber. She practically _is_ Saber. She even has Saber's inhumane strength, and agility!'_

If what Shirou wrote was true, why wasn't Sadie overpowering Shiki? Maybe...

**_WHAP!_**

The shield Shiki wielded pushed back Sadie's assault. Sadie was now five meters away from her opponent. She dashed, trying to get under the brunette's guard. Shiki side-stepped and and tried to bash Sadie's head in with the wooden shield, only to get parried by Sadie's sword. Sadie gritted her teeth. She was a powerful opponent, almost like a Serva-

_**RING!**_ The bell signalled for the match to end. It looks like Shiki Misaki was here to stay.

After the match, Sakura left the house, on the pretext of buying groceries for the new guest. In reality, she wanted to call on a friend to try to coerce Shiki to get the hell out of the Emiya Estate. She needed Rider.

* * *

Shirou felt paranoid. _Very_ paranoid. Beside him sat his date, Ayaka Sajyou, in the theater. That wasn't the part that made him paranoid. What really made him paranoid was that Shirou's other... companions, were there too. The usual stalker sisters were there, and they brought the swordswoman duo, Sadie and Shiki. Even _Rider_ was there. He was anxious because he didn't know what they were doing there. Probably ruin his date, if he was lucky.

_**Splat!**_ The victim's head got squashed into a grease spot at the hands of the troll. Ayaka grabbed onto Shirou's arm, hugging it closer. Shirou now had another mantra in his head:_ Don't think about the breasts, don't think about the breasts, don't think about the breasts!_ Yep, his arm was wedged in between the mounds of soft, firm flesh. He looked over to where he knew his harem was. Their eyes were practically bulging out of their sockets, except for Rider, whose eyes were glued to the silver screen. Talk about nonchalant.

Instead of relenting, Ayaka squeezed harder, the sign of her womanhood cutting off the blood circulation to Shirou's arm. Making it numb was probably for the best, for he couldn't feel the softness of the breasts anymore, saving his sanity.

* * *

After the risque movie viewing, Shirou walked Ayaka to one of the apartments near Shinto. "A-I've had a lot of fun with you, Shirou," stuttered Ayaka. "I really... _I l-like you._ Will you please go out with me? Well... if you don't... want to, then..." Her dialogue was stopped my Shirou, who placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Um... wow. Thanks a lot for... _yeesh_..." He felt just as awkward as Ayaka in this situation. "...I'm sorry, but I can't go out with you. It's not that you aren't beautiful or anything, it's just that... I live with a lot of... women, so... If someone monopolizes their time with me, basically all hell would break loose. I'm sorry."

He waited for the impending slap. Only, that didn't happen. Instead, Ayaka cupped Shirou's cheek with her hand. "I-I'll work harder for you, Shirou! Just you wait, I'll show your companions what I'm made of! I-I'll tell them to back off, because... I want you to be _mine!_" She swiftly pulled in Shirou's head, locking her lips with his.

It was pure bliss for the both of them. It was Ayaka's first kiss, and she didn't regret giving it to Shirou. For an amateur, she kissed pretty well, her soft lips encasing Shirou's with ease. For Shirou, it technically wasn't his first kiss. He had already kissed Rin when they had to "connect" in the Fifth Holy Grail War. Still, he was drowned in the amount of emotion Ayaka poured into her kiss.

A few gasps could be heard from the bush conveniently located near the place Ayaka and Shirou were making out at. They went unnoticed, though, as the two parted for breath.

"I-I'll see you tomorrow, sweeti_-Shirou!_" said Ayaka, retreating into her apartment complex. Shirou, on the other hand, was stunned, his fingers lingering near his lips. Basically, he looked like a love struck high school girl.

* * *

_**Footnotes:**_

**_Stray Servant: When Shirou had a bigger harem, this character was going to be Saber's rival. Her backstory is that she murdered her Master, and that she wanted to live in this world, like Gilgamesh. Check the wiki for more info on Stray Servant_**

**_Shiki Misaki:__ A reference to one of the characters in the DS RPG "The World Ends With You"._  
**

* * *

**And the plot thickens! Ayaka makes a move out of desperation, and it payed off! How will the rest of Shirou's harem cope with it? More importantly, how will Shirou deal with it?**

**Don't forget to review. Insert car analogy here. See you next time!**


	6. Enter Plot Twist!

**The poll is up! Vote for your favorite heroine now!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fate/Stay Night**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Six: Enter Plot Twist!**

* * *

After noticing that the girls around him, besides Ayaka and Rider, were feeling down, Shirou decided to take matters into his own hands.

"We're going to Shibuya tomorrow!" deadpanned Shirou, surprising all the heroines, excluding Rin. She had already read Shirou's journal beforehand, so the event didn't surprise her. "I've asked Luvia for a favor, and she philanthropically obliged."

The room went silent. Attributing it to shock, Shirou quietly left the living room. The girls, however, knew the real motive of the road trip organized by Luvia, their big-chested rival. Some people say that "Love is a battlefield", so Shibuya would be that exact battlefield. The girls could try their hardest to "Capture"***** Shirou, and sabotage other girl's advances. The only problem was that Luvia had an unfair advantage, due to the fact that she is the one orchestrating the operation.

After the awkward silence, the girls left one by one. Unbeknownst to them, they all had the same idea in mind. They all wanted to team up with a partner, to lessen the competition. Since rivals usually attract, Shiki went to Sadie to ask for assistance.

"Look, I know you like Shirou. I like him too. We need to protect him from the women who want to take advantage of him, right _Saber_?" asked Shiki, packing up her shield. Sadie flinched a little at the last word in the sentence.

"Why did you call me... _Saber_?"

"You're good with a sword, plus you remind me of someone I saw before." Sighing out of relief, Sadie considered Shiki's offer. She could protect her charge, and at the same time, she could remove the conspicuous women, like Rider and Luvia, from Shirou's heart. Still, Shiki was her rival. She didn't feel completely safe.

"...Fine, a truce till the _'Road-Trip arc'_ ends."

* * *

"_Nee-san_, this is our chance to Capture _Sempai_! We can _not_ lose!" exclaimed Sakura. "I'll do anything you need, just be my partner!"

"You sure, Sakura? You might need to be more like your Dark counterpart!" said Rin. Unlike Sakura, she already had all of her clothes packed, her jewels safe, and her teddy bear secured. Kicking away a toy Berser-Car, Rin finished checking her stuff.

"I-I'll do it!_ 'You aren't allowed to get more that two dessert servings after dinner!'_" Her tone indicated that it was a grave punishment. "How was I, sis?"

Rin merely facepalmed in reply.

* * *

Right after Shirou slipped into his futon, a cold voice hung in the air. "Shirou Emiya," said a feminine voice. Darting up, he projected a sword-like twig out of panic. He twisted around, revealing Rider's lithe figure. She walked up to him like how a carnivore stalks its prey.

"We need to talk," stated Rider. Shirou fully expected Rider to summon her metal stake. Luckily for him, she didn't. "It's about Sakura. If you haven't noticed yet, she's been a little melancholic, lately. Do you know why?"Shirou's body stiffened. He knew that if he didn't answer that question correctly, she would have his head on a silver platter.

"Um... Sadly, I don't know why she has depression, but I'm trying my best to cheer her up, and-" His rant was hindered by Rider, who had put her hand on his cheek. To any onlookers, it would've looked weird, a tall pink-ette cupping the cheek of a shorter ginger.

"Try harder, or else..." Then her nails extended, turning into deadly blades. She then disappeared, leaving Shirou to think about what he did wrong.

* * *

Once Shirou awoke, he limped into the living room. Instead of being greeted normally, he was greeted by stares. When he noticed that they weren't directed at his face. He followed their gazes, and when he found out where they were, he blushed like crazy. See, it was early in the morning, so Shirou Jr. decided to show up, forming a tent in Shirou's unresistant pajamas.

The girl's eyes were amazed, even scared of the sight in front of them. They never knew those things came in extra large. Almost nobody had any composure, except for Rider, who said, "I've seen bigger."

Even Luvia and Rin, the usually calm and composed duo, looked like strawberries. Actually, Rin had the most intense flush, having been reminded of the night before they fought Gilgamesh during the Holy Grail War.

Shirou made a move to cover up his crotch area. "Um... I'll just go and wash my face."

* * *

**The Next Day**

* * *

The girl in armor walked across the train station, attracting the attention of many. Most were probably thinking that her cosplay costume was incredible, and that it looked exactly like those from Arthurian legend. That's because it _was_ from Arthurian legend. See, the girl named Bedivere was looking for her mistress. Her internal radar was blaring, which means her King was nearby. Instantly, as if controlled by a ghost, she whipped to the side, to see... our unlucky hero, walking side-by-side with Sadie.

Upon seeing her charge, she pounced on top on who seemed like the leader of the band of bandits who held her King captive. Namely, Shirou. Once she mounted the poor boy, she drew her sword. Of course, thinking that it was an act, everyone payed no attention to the "cosplayers".

"Mi'lady, are you okay?" asked Bedivere, looking towards Sadie. Sadie sighed, her cover blown.

"Sir Bedivere, please yield." The knight in shining armor reluctantly got off the ginger. Shirou coughed.

"S-Sadie, what's the meaning of this?" asked Shirou. He wanted to know the answer. No, he already knew the answer, it just wasn't coming to him.

"Shirou, I'm King Arthur."

* * *

_**Footnotes:**_

_**Capture: A reference to The World God Only Knows's protagonist, Keima Katsuragi, who is dubbed the Capturing God**_

* * *

**Don't forget to vote on the _"Favorite Heroine"_ poll, which can be found on my profile.**

**Also, please review, because you are the light that pierces the heart of darkness! _(Random quote alert!)_**

**Goodbye!**


	7. Enter Sir Bedivere

**Wow, back to back chapters! Am I on fire, or what? I'd like to give a shout-out to bubbajack for his/her/its continued patriotism!**

**Poll: Rider is in the lead, and I have no idea why. (Can someone please give me a reason?)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fate/Stay Night. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Enter Sir Bedivere**

* * *

"What the heck? That's the most stereotypical plot twist ever!" cried Shirou, flabbergasted. _'King Arturia was supposed to go back to her time, not return here! Not that I didn't like this situation...'_

"Shirou, stop breaking the fourth wall!" snapped Rin, obviously mad at the whole situation. The fiasco really made a dent in her plan. She was supposed to just hang out with Shirou, and stop other girls, including her own sister, from laying a hand on him. Shirou Emiya was HER'S, and she wasn't willing to share him with anyone. Still, there is one "pro" a midst a sea of "cons". It appears that the Knight was very overprotective of her King, so Sadie Hemsworth was out of the picture. "Fine, let's hear you out, _Saber_."

"Honestly, _Rin_, I have absolutely no idea. All I know is that during my final stand on the hill, I fainted, then I woke up as Sadie Hemsorth, introducing myself to Shirou's class. Then-"

She was interrupted by Bedivere, "My Lord, give out information no more to these evil peo-"

"Sir Bedivere, calm down, lest you hurt one of my _companions_," replied Sadie. The tension was so thick, you could stab it with a knife. Luckily, Luvia was here to save the day.

Walking up to the harem, she said, "Hey, who wants french fries? What's with all the glares? And who are those two?"

* * *

Shirou was currently contemplating on the events that have passed. Sadie is _King Arturia_, and she apparently has all her memories from the Holy Grail Wars. Sir Bedivere, a Knight of the Round Table, has also come from the past to protect her King from possible harm (AKA Shirou). They were on a quest to return to their proper timeline.

The constant sound of the trickling of a shower was cut off, signalling for Shirou to get ready with his toiletries. See, due to Luvia's request, they will be sharing a room and a bed in the honeymoon suite. Shirou tried to humbly refuse, but Luvia insisted, due to having ulterior motives unbeknownst to Shirou.

"Shirou, the bath is ready." Shirou almost fainted then and there. Luvia was in front of him, body covered only by a flimsy bathrobe. If he wanted to, he could fulfill his wildest fantasies right then and there. Keeping self-control, he walked towards the shower, only to get tossed onto the bed by Luvia. Eyes filled with lust, she pinned him down, making her bathrobe slip a little. Shirou did the one thing any sane man would do.

Nosebleed.

* * *

The scramble. A famous place in Shibuya. A place where people "scramble" to get to the other side. A place where people can interact, and "clash" with others. A place where a boy made the most of the moment.* And for Shirou, a place where you can feel very awkward.

People everywhere were giving him and his harem weird stares. Knights in shining armor (Bedivere), foreigners wearing extravagant threads (Luviagelita), extremely sexy women in extremely risque clothing (Rider), the group had it all. What was even weirder was that it seemed that all of the women liked the boy in the center, because they were all over him. _Literally._

Shiki was piggyback riding him, while Luvia and _Ayaka_, who had just happened to be in Shibuya for no apparent reason, had hooked their arms around Shirou's. Rider and Sakura made up the left flank, while Rin made up the right. The Knights made up the back portion, because Sir Bedivere didn't want her Excellency to even be near the scum named Shirou Emiya.

They decided to go to _109_, a popular shopping district in Shibuya, due to Shiki's request. Of course, a normal shopping trip, with Shirou's luck, turned into a big swimsuit blowout to impress the said boy.

Sadie, thanks to Bedivere, didn't participate, because it would "ruin her Royal Stature". The Tohsaka sisters both chose risque one-pieces, which accentuated their slim high-school figures. Shiki chose a halter bikini, which exposed her creamy white shoulders. Luvia chose a strapless bikini, one that sticks onto the bust due to heat. Rider didn't want to impress Shirou, so she didn't choose anything, saying that she'll just go to the beach in her normal everyday clothes. Finally, Ayaka, who was almost the closest to Shirou, chose a bikini top that sort of looked like a sports bra.

"Um, I'm just going to... buy myself a drink!" exclaimed Shirou, so that all of his companions could hear him. In reality, he just wanted to escape the bikini battlefield. To his surprise, Rider followed him, a book in her hand. "Um, Rider, you want a drink too? You could just ask me to get you one, you know."

"No, Emiya, I want to escape the love-struck idiots that my Master is sadly a part of," sighed Rider, flipping a page of her light novel. Shirou took a peek at the title. _Tsukihime_, the story about a boy named Shiki Tohno who has Mystic Eyes of Death Perception. Kind of like how Rider has Mystic Eyes of Petrification. They then walked to the nearby coffee shop.

Unbeknownst to Rider and Shirou, Sir Bedivere glared daggers into the boy's back. She couldn't believe that her King, the same emotionless King that lead her kingdom to victory each and every time she lead the battle, was in love with that evil ginger. Still, she had to thank him for opening up the King's emoti- _no_, she owed nothing to that scum. She _did_ spare his life, right?

* * *

_**Footnotes:**_

_**Make the most of the moment: References Neku Sakuraba from The World Ends With You**_

* * *

**All I have to say about Sir Bedivere is this: definite Tsundere.**

**BTW, I have my own little "Stats" portion, which will reveal how many love points the girl has for Shirou. It debuts this chapter!**

**Don't forget to review, because they are the gravy to my chicken. I just can't write without reviews.**

**Goodbye!**

* * *

_**Stats:**_

_**Ayaka: 5 (Kiss, date)**_

_**Sadie: 0-Infinity**_

_**Rin:-1-4**_

_**Sakura: 5**_

_**Rider: -4**_

_**Luvia: 2**_

_**Shiki: 3**_

_**Sir Bedivere: -10**_


	8. Enter Four Swords: Part One

**Damn, I churn out these chapters pretty quickly when I have the time to do them! Sadly, my four-day weekend is now over, so you will have to wait till the end of the week for the next chappie.**

**BTW, sorry if I portray any of the other Sabers the wrong way. (You'll know what I mean when you read the chapter)**

**Shout-out to _User 627_ for giving me three other heroines, which are all featured in this chapter!**

**Poll Results: Someone other that Rider is finally in the lead! (Sadie)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Fate/Stay Night_. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Enter Four Swords _(Part One)_**

* * *

After Shirou and his harem eight women strong went back to Fuyuki, Sadie had a dream. She was in a grove, a sacred grove, with only nature surrounding her. With trees, birds chirping, a calm stream of water flowing into a small lake, it truly was the definition of serenity. One thing stood out though. A sword, which had a golden hilt and looked holy, was sheathed in a pedestal in the ground*****. Obviously, Arturia wanted to claim the sword for herself. It reminded her so much about the _Sword of the Stone_, **Caliburn**. She made her way over to the blade, her footsteps barely making a sound. Saber gripped the hilt of the- well, saber and pulled. That turned out to be a mistake. Her body started to heat up, and she felt as if something was leaving her. When she opened her eyes, she saw... three other Sabers. One doppelganger was black, and radiating pure death. The other one was dressed in red, giving off a proud aura. Finally, the last one had white threads, and showed off her feminimity. Thanks to the clones' apperances, all Saber wanted to do was to scream out of confusion. Which she did.

"_-__Karibah*****!_" exclaimed Saber, sitting up in an instant. It didn't help too much though. The three clones were sitting right beside her, as if they all exited the same dream. Of course, the wail alerted Sir Bedivere of her distress. Once she jumped inside to deal with the King's offenders, she was obviously perplexed.

"_...Mi'ladies?_"

* * *

"Not good enough,_ peasant!_" exclaimed Saber Alter, up and throwing her bowl of rice at Shirou. Thanks to his training, he was able to duck in time. Of course, he didn't expect the bowl to fly back to him. _**CRASH!**_ The ceramic object hit Shirou square on the back of his head, making him see stars.

"How in the world did that happen?" cried Shirou, massaging the sore area.

Black Saber stood up, smirking. "Arturian trade secret."

The other peopl- women at the table were a little... perplexed. There were four Sabers, _four Sabers_! Who wouldn't be shocked? That equals even more competition from the same person! Then, all of a sudden, the Saber in white stood up abruptly.

"Hey, that's not nice, Alter! You have to relax, be more... _feminine_!" stated the girly Saber. "Be..._ Saber Lily-ish!_"

"Hey _Lily_," said Red Saber, "I'll do all the talking here, so you can just take your feminimity and shove it up your a-"

"Hey, this is a work-safe fanfiction, well sort of, so no swearing!" exclaimed the Saber in blue, her kingly instincts taking hold of the reins.

"Well why should we follow you?" exclaimed the three other Sabers.

Then Red Saber gave a "great" suggestion. "How about we just take out our frustrations on Shirou?"

Slowly yet surely, all the other Sabers, plus Sir Bedivere, nodded. Of course, Shirou tried to retaliate. "D-Don't _I_ have a say in thi-"

The blondes were in perfect sync with each other when they said, "_**NO!**_"

* * *

The first one up was Saber Alter. She picked Shirou up by the collar, and threw him to the other side of the dojo, causing Shirou to wince in pain. Standing up, he readied his bokken. Of course, Saber Alter just swung with an tiny bit of her might to break Shirou's guard. Afterwards, she disarmed Shirou, and judo-flipped him. She then stopped him from squirming by pinning his biceps with her knees, putting the both of them in an extremely risque situation.

"So... you like Saber, don't you peasant?" said Saber Alter, grabbing hold of his throat. At that moment, Shirou figured out two things. One, she's really akin to Rider, risque and dangerous. Two, she's f'ing scary.

"Y-Yeah, I like her," calmly replied Shirou. He was elaborating on whether to project a sword for his safety, or not, when Black Saber interrupted.

"But how about _me_?" said the woman in black, tracing a line from his throat to his... crotch area, and it caused Shirou's hormones to run wild, which only made him struggle more. For a thin girl, she's pretty strong, so she held him in place. Then, her face drew nearer to Shirou's, her breath tickling his.

_Three centimeters_

_Two centimeters_

_One centimete-_

_DING!_ The bell signaled for Saber Alter's time to be up.

* * *

It was now Saber Lily's turn. Instead of beating him up, she decided to try teaching him. The only problem was that she overdid it a little, giving Shirou an accidental whack to the stomach. _Ten times._

"How in the world did you beat Gilgamesh and Berserker with those kinds of reflexes?" questioned Saber Lily, extending an arm in Shirou's direction. "Anyway, I'm sorry. That was really unfeminine of me!"

This reminded Shirou of the first time he met Sadie Hemsworth. They sparred, and after a few seconds, she handed his butt to him. She would then extend her hand, showing that she's not too proud from winning the match. See, exactly like Saber Lily. That meant...

"Wait... you're the kind and feminine aspect of King Arturia!" exclaimed Shirou, accepting the help of the stronger woman. She smirked in reply.

"Wow, it took you this long to figure it out? See, I'm the feminine side, Red's the proud side, Alter's the dark side, and Sadie's the 'Leader' side," said Saber Lily. She then twirled, showing off her girly dress. She the held up her hand skyward, and in the blink of an eye, **Caliburn** was in her hand.

"See, I'm the special one. All the other Sabers have Excalibur, while I have **Caliburn**. Isn't that neat? C'mon, try projecting a **Caliburn** for me!"

All Shirou could do was oblige.

* * *

_**Footnotes:**_

_**Setting of first paragraph: References the Sacred Grove in both Tw*light Princess and Sk*ward Sword.**_

_**Sword with a gold hilt: Refers to the Fo*r Sword in the Z*lda-verse.**_

******_-Kariba!: What Saber cries out when she's just about to swing the Sword of Promised Victory, Excalibur. _**

* * *

******So there you have it. Saber is split into four thanks to the power of a mysterious sword found in her dreams. Will the plot twists ever end? Fing out in the next exciting chapter of... _Unlimited Harem Works!_**

* * *

_**Love Stats:**_

_**Sadie: 0 - Infinity**_

_**Alter: ? (somewhere near -4)**_

_**Red: 3**_

_**Lily: 4**_

_**Ayaka: 5**_

_**Rin: -1 - 4**_

_**Sakura: 5**_

_**Rider: -4**_

_**Luvia: 2**_

_**Shiki: 3**_

_**Sir Bedivere: -9.5 (It went down a little!)**_


	9. Enter Four Swords: Part Two and Atalanta

_**Anonymous Review Replies:**_

**Guest: Nero-Saber is the same as Red Saber, and I'll try to fit Fate/Extra Caster in, but no promises.**

**_Poll Results:_ Sadie and Rider in lead; Red, Shiki and Bedivere left in the dust!**

**_Disclaimer:_ I don't own Fate/Stay Night**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Enter Four Swords and Atalanta**

* * *

"Hmph! You should be happy that you're in the same room as me," said Red Saber, gripping her practice sword. She was going to give him a beating of a life time, just to let off a little steam. In her eyes, Shirou should be proud that he, a mere peasant, will be the object that Red Saber will take out all of her frustrations on. "Swords at the ready, Shirou."

Shirou didn't like the situation he was in. He was pretty much exhausted by the time it was Red's turn. See, after he projected Caliburn - which took up a lot of prana, mind you - he had to fight with Saber Lily, who _also_ had Caliburn. It took his maximum effort just to avoid fatal blows.

"Whoa!" exclaimed Shirou, who came back to reality. Red Saber was a whirlwind of destruction, and if Shirou was sucked in, let's just say that he'd be lucky to get out unscathed. All he could do was parry the attacks with all his might, which was a lot, but compared to the Sabers, it wasn't a whole lot.

Then Red swung down, the momentum making the swing have more power. Of course, the young Padawa- I mean Emiya was blown away. He could barely stay conscious, because that blow could brake the wooden flooring of the dojo. Which it did, and inside the crater were both of the bokkens. Ecstatic, the warrior in red dashed for the weapons. Shirou decided that crawling away would lead to less injury.

Deciding that she wasn't finished with him yet, she flung the bokken at his head. _**WHACK!**_ The shinai hit him square on the head, making Shirou pass out.

* * *

_"Shi...Wak...p! Dam...at...do...im?!_ He could... have a... concussion for all we know!"

Shirou slowly gained awareness of his surroundings. The face hovering above him was Shiki, who probably had his head in her lap. The two faces beside hers were the concered faces of the Tohsaka magi. Getting up, and making sure not to collide with Shiki's chest accidentally, he surveyed more of the world around him.

"Damn it, you baka! Stop making me worry!" exclaimed Rin, who casted something to heal Shirou's wounds. Still, he felt like a beat up tin can that was just carelessly tossed in front of a passing car's tire. He slowly got up, greeted the others, including Ayaka, and left.

Stuffing some extra changes of clothes into his bag, Shirou grabbed his wallet, to make sure that it was enough for at least one night somewhere. He needed to get away from these women, lest he develop a phobia for them. Once he was all set, he departed immediately.

He then noticed a weirdly shaped bird, which was obviously a familiar of an amateur. He projected a knife and sliced the familiar out of the air. He then caught a cab at the intersection, and went away from home.

Of course, wherever Shirou is, you can bet that trouble is always right beside him. After he got dropped off in Shinto, he, of course, was confronted by a mysterious figure. She was medium sized, about a centimeter short of Shirou, her long hair dangling in the wind, and... a bow in hand. Had they been near the Einzberg forest, Shirou would've dismissed the girl as a crazy hunter. Things straying from the norm seemed to be attracted to him, and he had already accepted this truth long ago. Still, a huntress wielding a bow in the middle of a concrete haven was a little too ludicrous, even for him.

_'Maybe if I ignore her, she'll just walk past me,'_ hoped the young Emiya, walking in the hotel's direction. Shirou's plan seemed to work, since it looked like the girl didn't follow. Doing a little victory dance, he walked up to the door, only to get whacked on the head. Dazed, he hastily projected Kanshou and Bayuka, sure that the girl was out for blood.

"Trace, _on_." After learning more about his Reality Marble, Shirou found out that Unlimited Blade Works worked like a gun. You "load", or project, swords into the world, and then you "fire", or project them into the real world. Utilizing that knowledge, Shirou loaded ten more swords, ready to trap the girl in a ring of blades.

Of course, all girls Shirou meets will usually have more ability than him. Not waiting for Shirou to recover, she dashed up to him, split the razor-sharp limbs apart, and used them like twin blades, aiming to slice Shirou into four. Acting accordingly, Shirou parried the first two strikes, then cocked an imaginary hammer. Shirou thought, _'Just a few more seconds!'_

"Apollo, _Sojou no Yabumi!*****_"

_"I am the bone of my sword!"_

Arrow met sword. The volley of arrows summoned by the woman were parried by Shirou, and the sword rain projected by Shirou was blocked by the girl. They were at a definite stalemate. Sadly, the woman was stronger.

"_Isakai no Senrihin!*****_"

She went inhumanely fast, fast even from a Serant's point of view. She jumped over the clashign weapons, kicked off over the nearby marble column, and kicked Shirou, knocking him out.

_'Who_ is_ that girl?!'_

* * *

Shirou woke up, and examined his surroundings. The room itself was bare, and only Shirou and the chair he was strapped to were the only things there. Oh yeah, and the girl.

"...State thy name..." commanded the girl in charge. Shirou gritted his teeth. All he needed to do was to project a sword to break his bonds and escape, and the only thing stopping him from doing that was the girl in front of him.

"Shirou Emiya." He felt reluctant giving answers to someone who had just captured him, but he didn't really have a choice in the matter.

"Where is the gorgon?" said the girl. She had a very distinct Old English accent, which for some reason accentuated her very well.

"Isn't it common courtesy to give your name once someone gives theirs to you?" retorted Shirou.

"Mi'name is Atalanta*****."

* * *

_**Footnotes:**_

_**Sojou no Yabumi: Also known as the Compliant Mesage of an Arrow. I made it Japanese just because it sounded cooler in that format. It calls on the help of either Artemis, who slays all women (for some reason) in the vicinity, or Apollo, who slays all men.**_

_**Isakai no Senrihin: AKA The Disputed Spoils of War. I also made it Japanese just because it sounds lame in English. It is essentially super-speed.**_

_**Atalanta: A Servant in the cancelled Fate/Apocrypha. Born as a princess of Arcadia, she was abandoned in a forest, only to be saved by Artemis. She the decided to be a Huntress in the Moon Goddess's name. Check the Type-Moon Wiki for more**_** info.**

* * *

**So that's that. What will happen to Shirou Emiya? Will Sadie figure out the mystery behind the Golden Sword? Who in the world is Atalanta, and why did she kidnap our hero?**

**Don't forget to leave a review!**

_**Sayonara!**_

* * *

_**Love Stats:**_

_**Sadie: From 5 to infinity **_

_**Alter: ? (Somewhere near -3)**_

_**Red: 4**_

_**Lily: 5**_

_**Ayaka: 6**_

_**Rin: From -1 to 5**_

_**Sakura: 6**_

_**Rider: -4**_

_**Luvia: 3**_

_**Shiki: 5**_

_**Sir Bedivere: -9**_

_**Atalanta: ? (Somewhere near negative infinity)**_

_**Results: Shiki's went up by two, almost everyone went up by one, Sir Bedivere went up by a half, Rider remained constant.**_


	10. Exit Red Saber

**If you've noticed, usually, the chapter titles start with "Enter". For this 10th chapter, and for the 20th chapter, etc, the title will start with "Exit". Treat it like an elimination in those Bachelor shows. Sorry, but this has to be done.**

**BTW, eliminations are decided by votes, so if your favorite character was booted, blame the others, not me.**

**Poll Results: King Arturia sits safely on her throne as the fan-favorite female character.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fate/Stay Night**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Ten: Exit Red Saber**

* * *

"My Shirou-sense is tingling!" exclaimed Saber, getting up from her futon. Her Master was probably in deep shi-poop, wherever he was , and she would do anything to save him. Strapping on her armor, and gripping Excalibur's hilt, she was raring to go.

Of course, her alter egos had the same idea. See, they all loved Shirou to an extent, so you can bet that they'll help save him. Alter liked him as someone she could berate and... have "fun" with forcefully. Red liked him because she could act all superior and show off. Lily liked him because he filled in the gaps of her feminimity (He could cook and do housework). Sadie is Sadie.

"W-What are you doing here?" asked Sadie.

"Duh, we're gonna save Shirou!" exclaimed Lily.

"Yeah, that idiot won't be able to survive without _my_ intervention," proclaimed Red Saber.

All that Saber Alter said was, "...peasant...".

Then the girls felt an ominous presence appear. They looked toward the evil aura, only to be graced by Rider's presence. Medusa smirked.

"I'd like to help out too," said Rider, no trace of ulterior motives in her tone. "My Master commanded me to watch over Shirou, so no matter how reluctant I may be, I must assist the young Emiya. Plus, if my hunch is correct, I have a bone to pick with the kidnapper."

Sadie objected, "No way, keep your blood-stained hands to yourself!"

"But aren't yours stained with blood too, Arturia?"

Before things could get out of hand, Lily interjected, "Guys, we have to save Shirou _now_! My senses are going bonkers!"

Ending the debate, they went out of the house. Rider summoned Pegasus, Alter and Red took Shirou's bikes, while Lily and Sadie took a cab.

_'Shirou, please be safe.'_

* * *

Of course, Shirou wasn't safe at all. The girl unrelentingly kept on asking him the same question over and over again.

"Where is the gorgon?! I smell her scent on thy blood-stained hands!"

Shirou, tired from staying up all night, said, "I don't know what you're talking abou-" Then realization hit him. Rider's real identity is Medusa. Medusa, in Greek mythology, is one of the sister gorgons. Even if they had a shaky relationship, he didn't want to sell Rider out too quickly.

"How about you tell me why you want to know. Are you Gree- _ack!_" exclaimed Shirou, a knife now embedded into his calf.

"Thou art in no position to make demands, orange-headed one," calmly replied Atalanta, as if Shirou hadn't cried out in pain just then.

Shirou begged, "At least stop the bleeding! I'll die at this rate! Did you strike a vital vein or something?" Blood was now gushing out of Shirou's system like a geyser eruption. He estimated that he would lose a liter of blood every five minutes. In that case, he would lose all of his blood in twenty five minutes.

To his surprise, she brought out a strip of cloth, and wrapped it around Shirou's wound. That would let him last about ten more minutes, since that wound was deep.

"Now make haste. Tell me the gorgon's location so I can eliminate- Wait, it is here." She then summoned her bow. _'Wait, why is Rider here? Maybe it's another gorgon.'_

* * *

Atalanta, Champion of the Moon Goddess, Pride of Arcadia, and a former virgin. Now, she's a gorgon hunter, to vent on the loss of her purity, and to help mankind.

After leaving the strange orange man, she stealthily sneaked towards her prey. Medusa, the woman in the risque clothing who stood next to Pegasus. Atalanta loathed women like Medusa, who treat their bodies like trophies. To the princess, a woman's body is a sacred sanctuary, and should be treated as such.

She split her bow into two, making them into twin blades again. After examining her target, she had found out that Pegasus is very adapted to projectiles and will automatically dodge them, so arrows are useless, even at her firing rate. She then sped toward her target.

* * *

"Trace _ON!_" Shirou finished projecting a blade. He then cut off his restraints. Unluckily for him, he heard footsteps coming from the other side of the door, reminding him of the time he was captured by Ilya. Sadly, there were no beds he could hide under in the vicinity. Thinking quick, he barred the door with the sword in his hand. Then he herd bangs coming from the other side. He backed away, projecting yet another sword.

He heard muffled voices, then a few more bangs. _'Definitely her minions,'_ thought Shirou. Then the door gave way, just as Shirou limped/charged.

_"Gwah!"_

* * *

_"Gwah!"_ exclaimed Atalanta, getting knocked back several meters by Rider's kick. She then threw one of her twin blades. Nail and bow met. Atalanta waved the other bow limb, and the blade flew back into her hand. Getting off of Pegasus, Rider took a stance.

The two clashed yet again. The two were like a tornado of destruction, since they were both specialized at speed. The pink blur met green, and they both had a goal. Kill. _Kill, kill, kill._ That's all they wanted out of the other. Then they parted.

"Thy efforts art foolish. Thou shalt eventually taste the steel of my blade, _Medusa!_"

All Rider did was smirk. "Let's test that theory, shall we?"

* * *

The woman known as Red Saber had a sword in her stomach, and for some reason, she wasn't moving. Nor bleeding. All she felt was her essence leaving her body.

"Saber, I'm sorry! Let me pull this out of you-"

"_AH!_" exclaimed Red Saber, who turned into a red ball of... light, which then went into Sadie. A ton of emotions came back to life, her pride as a king, her pride as a wielder of Excalibur, and her pride for her love for-

_**Clang!**_ A sound of steel colliding could be heard outside.

"Wait, you guys brought_ Rider_ here?!" asked Shirou. The girls nodded. It took all of his willpower not to facepalm. If Atalanta met Rider, they would fight, no doubt about it.

"Damn, c'mon, we have to save Rider!" exclaimed Shirou, running to where he herd the clash. All the girls could do was follow.

* * *

**And you have now reached the end of the story. Sorry for booting Red Saber, but it's too hard to juggle more that ten girls at once. That should motivate you to vote, even if you have to create an account to do so!**

**Goodbye!**

* * *

_**Love Stats:**_

_**Sadie: From 5 to infinity**_

_**Alter: ? (Somewhere near -2)**_

_**Red: EXITED**_

_**Lily: 5**_

_**Ayaka: 6**_

_**Rin: From -1 to 5**_

_**Sakura: 6**_

_**Rider: -4**_

_**Luvia: 3**_

_**Shiki: 5**_

_**Sir Bedivere: -9**_

_**Atalanta: ? (Somewhere near [negative infinity minus one])**_


	11. Enter Ciel

**Whoo! I'm glad that you're all for the eliminations. I thought I was gonna get a bunch of hate mail or something.**

**Word of warning, this is one of those wacky chapters, so hold on to something, and get ready for the randomness! Also, watch out for a bit of... suggestive stuff.**

**Poll Results:**** The King is in her rightful spot on top, Saber Lily is picking up the pace, leaving Sir Bedivere and Shiki begging for crumbs**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fate/Stay Night**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: Enter Ciel**

* * *

"Why are you fighting?!" exclaimed Shirou, holding back a certain Rider. Sure, she could've easily broke from Shirou's grasp, even if he wasn't injured, but she wanted to know why he was doing this.

"I have'th no need for you, Orange," said Atalanta, baring her teeth. "Egress, lest you get caught into the clash of steel." She then reattached the limbs, making the blades into a bow again. She nocked one, and aimed for the gorgon's head. Of course, Shirou, being a part of the reluctant hero archetype, didn't want that to happen.

"Well, I can't let that happen. Sabers!" rallied Shirou. The three beauties readied their arms.

_"TACTICAL RETREAT!"_

* * *

"Why do I get the feeling that Shirou's doing something stupid again?" sighed Rin, washing her face. She woke up early, and to her disliking, her Emiya wasn't where he belonged, along with Four Sword (Sabers) and Chain-Mail (Rider). Making her way to the living room, she looked at the clock. Four AM. To her surprise, Sakura was already up, sharpening her knifes ominously. She even had purple aura leaking out.

"S-Sakura?" said Rin.

Sakura replied, "_Ohayou gozaimasu, Nee-san_! Just sharpening some knives." She must've noticed that the one she wakes up every morning for wasn't in his room. Sakura then threw her knife at a target that had Saber's, who she considered her arch-rival, picture on it. The knife stuck in Saber's throat. Backing away from the display of yandere-ism, Rin accidentally bumped into Pussycat (Stray Servant).

"Oh, sorry Rin. Good morning, Sakura." After the greeting, she curled up on the cushon like a real cat.

Then a wounded Shirou busted through the hallway, screaming, "Brace yourselves, Atalanta is coming!*" He was then followed by three of the Four Swords, and Rider, who fended off a mysterious girl's onslaught.

"So this is Atalanta?" reconfirmed Rin, whose Magic Crest activated. She charged.

* * *

'So this is Atalanta?' thought a beat-up Rin, who was tied up, along with a healed Shirou and a Sakura with a new haircut (pixie). They were carelessly bound together and shoved into the nearest room, namely Sakura's. Let's just say it had a ton of risque stuff (D*ld*s) hidden in it.

"What, I still have sexual tension every now and then thanks to Grandfather's Worm Crest, okay?!" exclaimed Sakura. Shirou blushed. _'So THAT'S why I hear my name being moaned in the middle of the night. Ugh, never mind.'_

Then the door opened, revealing Sadie, in all her angelical beauty. "Shirou, we have the situation under control. The geek- I mean Greek is secured." She then swung her blade at the restraints, freeing the magi. "S-Sakura, may I ask a question?"

Sakura faltered a little bit. She would definitely ask a question to bring down her stock value, but if she didn't answer, that would _also_ bring down her stock value. "Sure, Saber."

"What's that purple stick thing on your bed? Is that a hilt? Can I try it ou-"

"_**HELL NO!**_"

* * *

"Why dost thou have me in chains, cruel lady?" asked Atalanta, struggling with her bonds. Saber had learnt how to tie a really good knot, thanks to Caster's torturing.

"Because you tried to hurt my Master," said Sadie, pointing a blade at Atalanta's throat.

"...I was only following my Master's orders too..." muttered Atalanta.

"Who's your Master? C'mon, we can kill her together!" exclaimed Shiki, earning a glare from Saber. Then everyone heard a crash.

"Sorry to keep you waiting!*" exclaimed Luvia and Ayaka, who then greeted the Greek.

Shirou added, "Well that was random."

_**CRASH!**_ A woman in priestly clothes made a hole through the roof and stood in front of Atalanta. She had a few Black Keys in her hand.

"Sorry to keep _you_ waiting!*" said the girl, flicking her blue hair. She smirked. Nine targets, four spirits, five magi. Easy. "Enemies of the Church, prepare to meet the light!*"

She threw her blades. It pegged the shadows of the orange haired boy, ant the purple haired girl. Then she saw a black haired magus smirking.

"Look Ciel, curry!" exclaimed Rin, pointing towards the kitchen.

"Where, _where_?!" cried the blue haired woman, all attention focused at where Rin was pointing at. Then she noticed that she couldn't move. Mystic Eyes of Petrification. The vampire-like gorgon had Mystic Eyes this strong.

"Now, tell us why you're hunting me down," said Rider. She then slit her throat.

Shirou, baffled, exclaimed, "Rider, why'd you do that?!"

"She has immortality," said Rider simply. "She'll live. Maybe." She then stabbed her heart, eyeball, and other places the author doesn't want to describe. This story is Rated T, so we can't have that in there.

"We'll keep her in the shed."

Instead of objecting, Shirou decided to keep his mouth shut. He didn't want to end up like Ciel.

_**Footnotes:**_

_**Brace yourselves, Atalanta is coming!: Reference to the Game of Thrones. I don't watch it though, just wanted to throw in a meme or two.**_

_**Sorry to keep you waiting/Sorry to keep **_**you_ waiting/Enemies of the Church, prepare to meet the light!: References to the game "Kid Icarus: Uprising" for the_ _3DS_**

* * *

**Heh, Ciel from Tsukihime makes an appearance. Will Ciel ever escape Medusa's clutches? Will Shirou escape his bad luck? (Nope). Find out in the next chapter of _Unlimited Harem Works!_**

* * *

_**Love Points:**_

_**Love Stats:**_

_**Sadie: From 5 to infinity**_

_**Alter: ? (Somewhere near -2)**_

_**Lily: 5**_

_**Ayaka: 6**_

_**Rin: From -1 to 5**_

_**Sakura: 6**_

_**Rider: -4**_

_**Luvia: 3**_

_**Shiki: 5**_

_**Sir Bedivere: -10**_

_**Atalanta: ? (Somewhere near negative infinity)**_

_**Ciel: From negative infinity to zero**_


	12. Enter Truth or Dare, and Kotone

**Welcome to another chapter of UHW!**

**BTW, if you like either The World God Only Knows of Baka to Test: Summon the Beasts, then please check out my crossover fic "The World Only the Summons Know". Since it's a Xover, it's traffic remains stagnant, so please, read it and review it! I'm on my knees now people!**

**Now that I'm done with the shameless self-promotionm here are the poll results told in script format!**

**Poll Results (Script Format)**

**_Saber: Raida!_**

**_Rider: Saiba!_**

**_Berero-!_**

**_Saber: Ekusu-!_**

**_Rider:-pon!_**

**_Saber: Kariba!_**

**_(Big explosion is heard, Saber rises from the rubble)_**

**Results: [Saber in lead, with Rider closing in]**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fate/Stay Night!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Enter Truth or Dare, and Kotone**

* * *

_After the misunderstandings were cleared up, everything went back to normal. Well, normal in terms of Shirou, which means it's still damn crazy for the rest of us. Ciel is now living in the Emiya Estate, since she needed a base of operations for vampire-hunting, and Shirou owed her a favor. Atalanta, her summoned familiar **(She had to sacrifice her Seventh Sacrament to summon Atalanta)**, obviously has to stay with her Master. Luvia and Ayaka are coming over, on the pretext of practicing their combat skills in Shirou's dojo._

* * *

"T-Truth or Dare?" asked Shirou. Shiki suggested that they'd play the well known party game with all the girls. "I have no objections, but good luck convincing the other girls."

"Oh, we already asked the other girls," added Saber Alter, "and even if you _did_ have objections, we'd force you into playing, right Rider?" Rider cracked her whip in response. Shirou gulped.

"Y-Yeah, let me just check on something first." Then Shirou whipped out his phone and typed in a number. None of the girls around him could make out what he was saying, except for this phrase: "I have insurance for paranormal accidents too, right? Okay, good, now let me just make sure I have insurance for..."

After a few moments, Shirou closed his phone. "Okay, let's start!" Then, Shiki whistled, signalling for all the girls to gather in the living room. Afterwards, they formed a circle.

Shiki started off the game. "...Sadie, truth or dare?"

"...Truth."

"If you weren't a Saber, what class would you be?"

"Archer." (Just like a certain EMIYA...)

Saber shook the foul thoughts out of her head. "Ugh... Rin, Truth or Dare?"

To Shirou, Rin looked a little apprehensive, "...Truth."

"What's your... favorite quote?"

"..._'People die when they're killed'_, said by Shirou Emiya," said Rin, earning laughs from everyone in the room. Shirou groaned. He knew that she would do everything in her power to make fun of him. It was just Rin Tohsaka's nature, her purpose in life. "Shirou, truth or dare?"

"_Yeesh_, truth." He started to regret saying that when everyone's attention turned to him. Even Sir Bedivere and Rider stopped what they were doing to listen to the question. He gulped, Rin's smile turning into an ominous smirk.

"Shirou Emiya, who's your love interest?" asked Rin. Everyone slowly leaned in. This would be the turning point of Unlimited Blade Works, where one girl would rise above the rest when-

"_Sorrygottagobye**TraceON!**_" exclaimed Shirou, projecting a pair of twin blades and slicing a passage way for himself. He bolted as if his life depended on it. Which it did. If any of the girls found out who he truly loved, all hell would break loose. Running as if Berzerker was on his tail, he ducked into a nearby alley, his harem running past the said alcove.

Checking if the coast was clear, he went out, going to the grocer he usually haggled with.

* * *

The harem, not noticing that Shirou Emiya had already escaped, kept on going, even knocking over a boy with a PFP and a girl with a skull in her hair. After a few moments, they finally noticed that Shirou was nowhere to be found.

"R-Rin Tohsaka?" muttered a girl behind the said magus. The girl in red turned around, revealing the figure of an old friend of hers.

"Kotone?! I haven't seen you for ages!" said Rin. Kotone was, sadly, involved in the fourth Holy Grail war. Luckily, Rin saved her before she could be killed.

"Wow, you have so many friends Rin! Can I join you?" said Kotone, a little flustered. Flicking up her brown hair, she said, "I-I'm new to Fuyuki City, so I've been walking alone. Please?"

Sakura walked up to her. "Sure, anyone who's a friend of my sister is a friend of mine!"

* * *

"Hey, let me go!" exclaimed Shirou. He had accidentally nodded off in his room, so the girls bound him up and put him under examination.

"Sorry, Master, but there's something we all want to know!" exclaimed Saber.

"_**WHO DO YOU LOVE?!**_" exclaimed each and every girl present, except for Kotone, who was looking at the boy in the chair. She wondered why all the girls liked him. Sure, he's handsome, looks ripped, seems kind, looks like a guy who knows his way around a kitchen (He was wearing an apron), and- _no no no! Not her too! No way she was falling for someone she just met!_

"Uh..._ traceon._.." whispered Shirou, projecting a knife with a jagged edge, perfect for cutting rope with. All the girls leaned in, ready to hear the sacred name of the one they will hunt dow- never mind.

Once his bonds snapped, he put together a fake name to confuse the girls, and to hopefully slow them down in the inevitable chase. "Miku Hatsune!" He then bolted out of the house.

All the girls had a mini-cardiac arrest. It wasn't anyone of them! Before they could break down and sob together, the only level headed one there (Sir Bedivere and Rider went out for a girl's night out), namely Kotone, said, "Isn't Miku Hatsune a Vocaloid? Doesn't that mean she isn't real?!"

All commotion stopped. Slowly, yet surely, everyone brought out lethal weapons. The Sabers brought out their blades, Rin brought out a jewel, Sakura brought out a sub-machine gun (disguised as a pie), Luvia put on her brass knuckles, Ayaka brought out her feather-darts, Atalanta brought out her bow, and Ciel brought out her Black Keys.

_**"SHIRO****U EMIYA!"**_

* * *

_**Footnotes:**_

_**Kotone: Appeared in Fate/Zero, is a friend of Rin's, and is saved by said magus in the anime adaption.**_

* * *

**Well, that ends another chapter of UHW! Will the girls ever figure out who Shirou loves (no) ? **

**Don't forget to check out _The World Only the Summons Know!_**

**Please review, and I'll see you next time!**

* * *

_**Love Stats:**_

_**Sadie: From 5 to infinity**_

_**Alter: ? (Somewhere near -2)**_

_**Lily: 5**_

_**Ayaka: 6**_

_**Rin: From -1 to 5**_

_**Sakura: 6**_

_**Rider: -4**_

_**Luvia: 3**_

_**Shiki: 5**_

_**Sir Bedivere: -10**_

_**Atalanta: ? (Somewhere near negative five)**_

_**Ciel: From negative 5 to 5**_

_**Kotone: 1**_


	13. Enter Manaka Sajyou

**Welcome back to another chapter of Unlimited Harem Works!**

**Poll Results: King Arturia is leading, while Sir Bedivere is taking up last place. (BTW I'm planning to boot her, so if you don't vote like crazy, she'll go bye-bye!)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fate/Stay Night**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen: Enter Manaka**

* * *

As you all should know, Shirou Emiya has and always will be controlled by the women around him. It natural, since women were blessed with the road to man's heart since birth (breasts), and Shirou's even easier to manipulate. Just show him your deadly weapon, and he'll be your servant for the day.

"B-But I promised Fuji-nee that I'd take her and Ilya out for lunc-"

"Then take us out for dinner," said Rin, followed by the roars of agreement sounded off by the others.

See, Rin's been planning to set up an event where each of the girls can get equal amount of Shirou (Since Rin likes good competition), so she split the harem into four. **Group A (Arturia)** would compose three Sabers, and a Knight of the Round Table. **Group B (Busty)** would be composed of Rider, Luvia and Ciel. **Group C (et Cetera)** would compose of Ayaka, Atalanta and Shiki. Finally, **Group T (Tohsaka)** will be composed of Kotone, Sakura and Rin herself.

"But why does Group A have four members?" asked Shirou.

"Because the Sabers are all in the top five, so they need less attention for it to be fair" replied Rin, as if that was obvious. Well, it was obvious, yet the ever oblivious Shirou will never get the pretext. "Anyway, you'll be having Group B right after your date with Taiga, followed by Group A for dinner, then Group C for sunset-viewing, then finally Group T for spooning. Any objections?"

Everyone except for Rin and Sakura raised their hands, obviously uncomfortable with Group Ts activity. Rin gave them the tsundere glare, which lowered Kotone and Shirou's arms. "None? Okay. Now get going Shirou, you wouldn't want to be late for your dates!"

* * *

"Onwards Shirou, to the curry store!" exclaimed Ciel, pointing towards the city. She treated the boy like a crows nest of a ship, piggybacking on his shoulders. Luvia, keeping her elegant mask on, said, "Yes Shirou, let's!"

All the while, a woman in black followed, absorbed into the world that the Percy Jackson novel provided. (Though she hated the portrayal of the gorgons very much). In fact, she was so concentrated that she didn't notice Shirou talking till he was close to shouting.

"Are you okay with curry, Rider?" asked Shirou in a loud voice, attracting everyone in the same plaza as the quartet. For some reason, only women noticed Shirou's loud voice, while the boys remained ignorant.

"Y-Yeah, Emiya." She was a little surprised. She hadn't expected the boy to ask her opinion. Before she blushed, she decided to dive into the world of literature. Of course, Shirou had a knack for capturing the hearts of fair maidens without any effort on his end. It was like he was a Capturing God or something.

"You haven't finished The Last Olympian yet?" said Shirou, starting up a conversation, since Ciel was daydreaming of curry, and Luvia was just clutching Shirou's arm, content in basking in his presence.

"Well I had just finished reading the Hunger Games series," said Rider. "I really liked the arena for the seventy fifth Hunger Games."

"Oh yeah, it's the clock one, right?" said Shirou. "Yeah, but Meg's death was kind of depressing."

"_Depressing?_ I was fine with it, really. She realized she was just a burden," said Rider, unknowingly starting a debate.

"Hey, that doesn't mean..."

Then the duo got into a pretty deep conversation, with books tying the two together.

* * *

"Hey, Shirou," said Saber, sitting down at the table. Then followed the two other Sabers and Sir Bedivere, who looked very reluctant. She probably didn't want anything to do with the trash named Shirou Emiya. "So what will you be ordering?"

"Uh, I'll be skipping out on dinner. Ciel made sure to stuff me with chili, as revenge for hurting her familiar," said Shirou, who called for a waitress. "Can I have some tea?"

For one, the dinner was... awkward. Anytime Shirou would bring up a topic, Sir Bedivere would quash the said topic in the blink of an eye. Quite sad, really, as Saber Lily really wanted to talk with the young man. She had hopes that he would be a fine gentleman in the future, who would contrast and complement her femininity with ease. Sadly, she may never get to know him better due to the fact that the young Emiya had attracted an insane amount of potential suitors. What's a girl to do? Then an alarm cut off her inner monologue.

"Oh man, if I don't go now, I'll be late for **Group C**s date!" exclaimed Shirou, who had just finished paying the bill. "Sorry, ladies, but I have to take my leave now.!"

Shirou walked out the door, and once he was out of the restaurant's view, he bolted for the hill overlooking the bridge. Then he was cut off by a mysterious girl who tackled him to the ground.

"I'm Manaka Sajyou*," said the woman straddling Shirou. He was so in shock that he couldn't react. "Nice to meet you."

Then she swung her fist.

* * *

_**Footnotes:**_

_**Manaka Sajyou: Ayaka's more magus-like evil sister. Read through the wiki for more details.**_

* * *

**What does Manaka want from Shirou? Will Shirou make it alive? And if he does survive, will he survive the girls' punishment for being late for the dates? Find out in the next chapter!**

**Don't forget to non-ambiguously review the chappie!**

**Goodbye! **

* * *

_**Love Stats:**_

_**Sadie: From 4 to infinity**_

_**Alter: ? (Somewhere near -1)**_

_**Lily: 6**_

_**Ayaka: 6**_

_**Rin: From -1 to 5**_

_**Sakura: 6**_

_**Rider: -1**_

_**Luvia: 4**_

_**Shiki: 5**_

_**Sir Bedivere: -10**_

_**Atalanta: ? (Somewhere near negative five)**_

_**Ciel: From -4 to 6**_

_**Kotone: 1**_

_**Manaka: ENTERED**_


	14. Enter Misaya Reiroukan

**A word of warning: your mind is about to be discombobulated (real word) due to the George Lucas-ing that I did in the chapter. Feel free to leave me a PM if you need a more thorough explanation.**

**Another word of warning: A lime (Descriptive Kissing) is inside. If you don't like it/think my way of describing kissing is abysmal, then tell me in the reviews! I might take your opinion into consideration.**

**Poll Results: The King is still unseated from her regal throne, while the infamous Manaka Sajyou, Ayaka's sister, bites the dust.**

**Disclaimer: Check 1st Chapter**

**Enjoy! **

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen: Enter Misaya Reiroukan**

* * *

As Shirou came to, he found his head in Shiki's lap yet again.

"Ugh, wait... fist... pink haired girl... Manaka," mumbled Shirou, trying to collect his thoughts. Shiki promptly supplied the missing details. It appears that after Shirou heroically fainted after the diamond hard fist collided with his temple, Group C, which was composed of Ayaka, Atalanta and Shiki herself, came to save the day. They fought off Manaka and her accomplice, Misaya, and won. Right now, they were in the dojo, being interrogated.

"Man... I'm sorry, Shiki. If I had just been a little more careful-"

"Relax, Shirou. We're all alright," replied Shiki, like a mother soothing her hurt child. "Atalanta, Ayaka and I are just glad you're alright."

Then she stole his lips.

* * *

Misaya Reiroukan. A Magister Magi. Master of the Fire element, and wielder of the Wolves of Artemis, a particularly powerful pack of familiars. Ironically, the familiars Artemis herself wielded have been slain by a Servant of the Moon Goddess herself.

"Why did you attack my Shirou?!" exclaimed a pig-tailed magus who was similar to Misaya herself. They were both prodigies, they both had black hair, and both messed up during crucial moments. Of course, a glaring difference was that Misaya would die soon, while her counterpart still had a ways to go. "Answer me!"

Misaya looked over to her partner Manaka Sajyou. Since they both had the same objective, they had decided to team up. Now they were both paying the price of their actions. "And if I don't?"

Of course, this merely agitated the magus, and in an instant, a blade was at Misaya's throat. Misaya expected that, since Rin and Misaya were, again, very similar.

"Okay. We're trying to find the True Holy Grail."

* * *

Shiki Misaki slid her tongue into Shirou's mouth. This surprised Shirou. He wondered how in the world he had attracted the Servant, and for how long had she felt this way towards him. As Shirou placed his hands on her person, their tongues touched, Shiki trying to mark her territory in the alcove. It made their senses peak, giving the both of them a piece of heaven on Earth. Shiki pushed herself onto the poor boy, pinning him in place on the bed. Then she broke away from Shirou's mouth.

Surprised, Shirou was about to say something when he felt Shiki nibbling on his earlobe. That was when he knew that she wanted him, and that she wanted him this instant.

Before this could turn into an M-Rated chapter, Saber barged in. She had felt a disturbance, so she had left in the middle of the interrogation to check it out. She made it just in time.

"Shirou, Shiki, what art thou doing?" said Saber. See, sometimes, when Saber's emotions are at their peak, she speaks in Old English, much like a certain Huntress of Artemis. "Dost thou know know that what thou art doing is-"

"Okay, I'll share," said Shiki playfully. "I'll take the top half, you can take the bottom."

"Don't I have a say in this?!"

"Ugh, you don't get the point," said Sadie, getting out of her Ye Old English funk. "You're needed at the dojo."

* * *

"I-I'm the catalyst for the True Holy Grail?!" exclaimed Shirou, not expecting this news to fall on him.

"If these two can be trusted," corrected Rin, taking one of her teacher to pupil poses, "which they can't. But it does make sense. I mean, how are any of these exotic beauties affiliated, much less infatuated, with you?"

Before Shirou could lamely retort, Ayaka saved him. "So you're calling yourself an idiot?"

"That's not what I mean!" cried Rin, her tsundere personality kicking in. "Lemme just explain it to this idiot here. See, we're supposed to have shards of the True Holy Grail embedded in our souls due to our affiliation with the Grail, and once all the shard holders are gathered, you and your harem will become the True Grail. Isn't it ludicrous?"

Of course, Shirou isn't that dumb. He argued that that might be the reason why Saber and Sir Bedivere traveled from the past to the future. It could also explain why all these girls are attracted to this one Hero of Justice. That would mean that the two assailants's theory is completely plausible. Rin bit her lip, since what Shirou had pointed out was reasonable.

"If that's the case, then what're we going to do about it? If this keeps on going, then the True Holy Grail will appear inevitably, which would make you and your harem fade away!" said Ayaka.

Everyone started to think of a solution. The easiest solution was to kill Shirou, but of course none of the ladies (except for Sir Bedivere, and maybe Rider) wanted that. Then, Luvia's lips curved into a smirk. "I have a solution."

Everyone's heads darted to Luvia, who said, "_Just let Shirou choose a girl._"

* * *

_**Footnotes:**_

* * *

_**Misaya Reiroukan: Prototype version of Rin Tohsaka in "Fate/Prototype". Not much info was given, besides the familiars, being Lancer's Master in F/P, and that she's terminally ill.**_

_**Abnormal Plot Twist: Shirou is like the Main Shard of the True Holy Grail, which is congruent with the one King Arturia searches during her time. The Main Shard attracts the other shards, which are embedded in his harem's souls. Once enough shards unite, anyone who wants the True Grail just has to capture Shirou and his harem and sacrifice their bodies in a ritual. That's what Manaka and Misaya both wanted to do, even though they themselves have Grail Shards.**_

* * *

**Okay, wow. That plot twist was _really_ unexpected. I didn't have a really good explanation for why Shirou's a chick magnet, so I decided to use the first idea that came to mind. Hope you don't hate me for it!**

**Please give me your honest opinion by _reviewing!_ By the way, don't ask me if the fic is nearly done, because I doubt it. I can't see the ending just yet.**

**Anyway, _sayonara!_**

* * *

_**Love Stats:**_

* * *

_**Sadie: From 3 to infinity**_

_**Alter: ? (Somewhere near -1)**_

_**Lily: 6**_

_**Ayaka: 6**_

_**Rin: From 0 to 5**_

_**Sakura: 6**_

_**Rider: -1**_

_**Luvia: 4**_

_**Shiki: 6**_

_**Sir Bedivere: -10**_

_**Atalanta: ? (Somewhere near negative five)**_

_**Ciel: From -4 to 6**_

_**Kotone: 1**_

_**Manaka: ?**_

_**Misaya: ENTERED**_


	15. Exit Sir Bedivere and Kotone

**Sorry if this feels a little rushed, because this _is _rushed. Also, I apologize for the melancholy.**

**Poll: After seeing the poll results, I decided to launch a new poll. Same question, I just wanted to clear the slates, and start anew.**

**Disclaimer on 1st chapter**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen: Exit Sir Bedivere and Kotone**

* * *

Shirou gritted his teeth. He didn't like the sound of Luvia's statement, not to mention the greedy glares shot at him by the girls. It made him want to reminisce those simple days, melancholic they may be...

* * *

**FLASHBACK START**

* * *

"'Morning, Shirou," said Rin, who had just stopped by the estate. It was that day again, a day filled with not only happiness and sorrowful woes, but filled with memories.

"Good morning to you too, Rin," said Shirou, who was waiting for Sakura to grab a jacket. He decided to try engaging small talk with Rin while waiting for the purple haired beauty. "So, the weather's great, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess so. It's perfect for a visit to the c- _Ohayou_, Sakura!" greeted the magus. Sakura, donning her black hoodie, took her place by Shirou's side after greeting her sister. They would've waited for Taiga, but she was still unconscious thanks to the amount of tears she shed the night before. None of them wanted to disturb the teacher, in fear of an outburst, so they departed without her, knowing that she would just catch up on her motorcycle later.

Luckily for Shirou, the Tohsaka siblings back then weren't desperate, so they didn't try to grab all of his attention. On the other hand, if they had been trying to make a move on him, he would've been too busy to feel melancholic. He sighed.

Instead of taking a cab all the way to their destination, they found it more fitting to just be dropped off at the station, and walk the rest of the way. This gave each of them the time to reflect.

To Shirou, it was a little TOO peaceful on that day. Nothing was wrong, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. It was ironic, since that day was a sad, sad day. Also, Shirou was conflicted. He wanted to run away, in fear of breaking down and melting into a little puddle of grief, yet he wanted to keep on going, because with every step he took, it felt as if the sadness was going away.

Finally, they reached the cemetery. Rin magicked up incense, Sakura brought out a black rose, and Shirou projected a ceremonial dagger. They walked up to the tombstone they were looking for.

**Illyasviel von Einsberg**

**1991-2010**

**Rest in peace**

* * *

**FLASHBACK END**

* * *

Ilya had died of "old age", even if she had only been in her late teens. That's what happens when your a homunculus. Your life force burns out pretty quickly. Shirou shook those sad thoughts from his mind. Even if he didn't know why that memory came up, he still had to live in the present, for the little girl he called his older sister.

"I can't. It would be unfair to the other girls, and me. What if I make a wrong choice? What if that doesn't solve the problem? There are just too many variables," said Shirou, shifting from the unfortunate hero archetype to the logical hero archetype.

Luvia, who didn't seem to notice the change of mood, said, "But that is the only way! There aren't any choices lef-"

"OBJECTION!" exclaimed Shirou, extending his arm and pointing a finger at Luvia in an exaggerated way. "There's always a better way!"

Before the argument could get out of hand (and before resulting in a beat-up Shirou and a Luvia whose clothes were shredded), Sakura came up with an idea. "How about we send some girls away, like in those bachelor shows?"

"But that would be unfair to the girl who gets eliminated," added the still tied up Manaka, who's always happy to cause trouble.

Then, out of nowhere, Sir Bedivere deadpanned, "I have an even greater idea. How about we find the Ancient Holy Grail? Since that's synonymous with the True Grail, it won't be able to spawn."

"But we never found the Grail," said Saber. "It's a lost cause."

"I-If there's a will, there's a way!" interjected... _Kotone_?! Everyone in the room was surprised by the sudden appearances of the two ladies. "See, m-my dad is an archaeologist, s-so maybe, if we work together-"

"Kotone?!" exclaimed Rin. "You'd be willing to-"

"Yes, Tohsaka-san," said the girl. She then turned to Shirou. "I-If doing this will help you out... I m-mean, in the few days I've known you, I've come to appreciate you. I-I'll support you in any way I can!"

"Seems I've found myself an apprentice," said Bedivere, patting the girl on the head. "Ladies, I entrust my charge with you. And hell spawn," said the Knight as she motioned towards Shirou, "keep your mitts of the King. Well, let's go, squire."

Then the Knight set off, the fragile girl trying her best to catch up. It was officially the weirdest day Shirou has ever lived through.

* * *

_**Footnotes:**_

_**Objection: Ace Attorney reference**_

* * *

**Don't forget to review, and I'll see you next time!**

* * *

_**Love Stats:**_

_**Sadie: From 3 to infinity**_

_**Alter: ? (Somewhere near -1)**_

_**Lily: 6**_

_**Ayaka: 6**_

_**Rin: From 0 to 5**_

_**Sakura: 6**_

_**Rider: -1**_

_**Luvia: 4**_

_**Shiki: 6**_

_**Sir Bedivere: EXITED**_

_**Atalanta: ? (Somewhere near negative five)**_

_**Ciel: From -4 to 6**_

_**Kotone: EXITED**_

_**Manaka: ?**_

_**Misaya: ?**_


	16. Enter Hisui and Kohaku

**I wanted to continue the plot, but I decided that you guys might need a breather. Two exits, establishment of a major obstacle, and the death of a fan-favorite character, all in one chapter!? I agree, it's a little too hectic, even if this is UHW.**

**Poll: I launched a BRAND NEW POLL, so please check it out! Same question, but you now have the chance to vote for two characters! Also, Saber Alter dethrones King Arturia!**

**EDIT: Please thank _Randomftw42 _for beta-ing this chapter and removing the catastrophe that is called_My Japanese __Grammar_.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fate/Stay Night. No copyright infringement intended**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen: Enter Hisui and Kohaku**

* * *

Shirou sighed, looking at the mess his "roommates" made of the living room. One day away at Issei's place, and the estate gets to the point where it was basically uninhabitable. Cushions were strewn everywhere, slash marks were found in the paneling, and mud was tracked into the room. After a bit of digging around, he found the cause of the mess. He found a Monopoly board, a few Risk soldiers, and a twenty-sided die. He deduced that the girls had been playing board games that night. He then found a decorated shinai, a kendo practice sword, stabbed into the ground. If it were any deeper, it would've been hilt-deep. Pulling the sword out, he examined the dull blade. It had a tiger spot motif, and if his hunches were right, then...

"Fuji-nee," said Shirou. It was her signature shinai, used to punish "bad people". Shirou sighed again. He needed help. The mess was just too.. Well, messy for Shirou. He dialed up a number "Hello. I'd like to hire a maid."

* * *

Let's just say that the girls, coming back from the "Harem Reconciliation Retreat", weren't happy at the fact that Shirou didn't bring - not just one - but _two_ women! Two obstacles in the race for Shirou! They also didn't like the fact that they called him "_Goshujin-sama_", even if he doesn't want them to.

"But Shirou, why do we need a maid?!" said Saber Lily. "It's not like we're sloppy!" As she said that, she nudged a soda can under the table. Sadly, Shirou didn't look too convinced. He brought out decisive evidence, a picture of the living room/pigsty before the maids arrived. Lily's resolve crumbled.

Shirou said, "Like it or not, they're here to stay. Ladies, please introduce yourselves."

The older one-stepped up to the plate. "My name is Kohaku!"

"And my name is Hisui," said the other one. "She's good at cooking-"

"-and she's good at everything else. Please take care of us!"

Then Shirou interrupted, "Hold it! I'm the one that's going to cook here!"

Rin, Sakura, and Kohaku raised their objections. This shows that in the Emiya household, even simple things such as cooking could lead to colossal arguments.

* * *

It was a little weird, seeing four people all in the small kitchen at once. Kohaku prepared the ingredients, Rin fixed the entree, Sakura made the appetizer, and Shirou, with reluctance, did the basic act of plating.

"_Goshujin-sama_, could you pass the salt?" said Kohaku, preparing the egg.

Shirou replied, "Please don't call me 'Master'. Just call me Shirou." He then tossed her the condiment, and she held it to her chest, saying, "Sure, Shirou."

Glares flew to the poor maid like metal to magnets. She showed definite signs of liking the said boy, and no one liked it one bit. Shiki, Ayaka, and Lily left the table, not wanting to see the Public Display of Affection. Saber gripped her chopsticks hard. Ciel was just praying for curry. The other girls had the expected reaction: Unveiled jealousy. Even her sister eyed Kohaku warily.

Of course, the girl was oblivious, since the aspect of actually meeting a male who also loves cooking is just too good to be true, therefore, she lost herself in her own reverie. Then the jealous side of Rin Tohsaka took over. She knocked over the bowl of raw yoke, spilling it all over Kohaku. "Oops, sorry."

"Ugh... well... it's okay, I'll just clean myself up," said Kohaku, making her way out of the kitchen. The girls were about to celebrate, when Shirou said, "Let me help out!"

The plan backfired. Instead of lessening the time the maid had with Shirou, it merely increased. Rin sighed. She had a habit of messing up at crucial moments, and it was starting to show. Her sister patted her on the back and said, "You tried your best." Rin nodded weakly in reply.

Luvia, who had been silent during the whole fiasco, stood up, and brought out a magnifying glass. Remember Agents Sakura and Rin from Chapter Three? Well, Luvia also had an alter ego, which was called "Detective Luvia"*. She walked over to where she deduced the two suspects were, and opened the door, which made a slight creak as the opening widened. She peered into the room's depths.

"You sure you're fine, Kohaku?" said Shirou, wiping her back down as the said person wiped her front. They looked pretty intimate, and Luvia didn't like it one bit. She brought out a camera, turned the flash off, and captured the image of the scene unfolding right in front of her. Then Kohaku giggled, something Luvia also wanted to raise an objection to.

"Heh, you're so kind, _Kami-sama_," said Kohaku. Luvia sweated profusely, or in other terms, sweat-dropped. From Master to God, all in a day. Shirou's ability, to capture the heart of any woman, was impeccable. In fact, it was so amazing, that even Shirou himself hasn't known about it.

Shirou, blushing, said, "P-Please don't call me that. I'd like to be called 'Shirou'."

"I object," said Kohaku, smirking, "I'll call you whatever I want to, even if you're my boss." Then she pecked him on the cheek. "I'll see you later, Shirou-sama!" Luvia quickly went out of the door's path as Kohaku burst through, skipping through the hallway. Luvia was lucky that she hadn't been found. Then, after pondering over the events, came to a conclusion.

The older maid definitely had a Grail Shard within her.

* * *

_**Footnotes:**_

* * *

_**Detective Luvia: Barely a reference to Detective Conan**_

_**Goshujin-sama: Japanese for Master**_

_**Kami-sama: Combo of Master & God**_

_**Kohaku and Hisui: From the Tsukihime franchise. Both have their own dark back-story. For more info, check the Wiki**_

* * *

**Wow, I thought the only Tsukihime character I would**_** Enter**_** would be Ciel, but nope! Now the maid sisters are added to the mix!**

**Please check out the NEW poll I launched on my profile. Those who voted before can vote again, for not one, but TWO characters!**

**Please don't forget to review, and I'll see you later!**

* * *

_**Love Stats:**_

* * *

_**Sadie: From 3 to infinity**_

_**Alter: ? (Somewhere near -1)**_

_**Lily: 6**_

_**Ayaka: 6**_

_**Rin: From 0 to 5**_

_**Sakura: 6**_

_**Rider: -1**_

_**Luvia: 4**_

_**Shiki: 6**_

_**Atalanta: ? (Somewhere near negative five)**_

_**Ciel: From -4 to 6**_

_**Manaka: ?**_

_**Misaya: ?**_

_**Hisui: ENTERED**_

_**Kohaku: ENTERED**_


	17. Enter Truth Serum

**For those of you who ship RinXShirou, rejoice, for I have a treat for you! I wrote this little cappie during a relative's 90th birthday party. For some reason, I write faster when I'm out of the house!**

**Poll Results: Saber _Alter_ is in the lead, having a total of 8 votes! (25% of total votes, according to FF)**

**Disclaimer: Check Chapter 16**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen: Enter Truth Serum**

* * *

Rin was tired of playing this game. She didn't want competition, and she didn't want obstacles. All she wanted was the failure of a magus (Shirou) to like her! Was that too much to ask for!? Sadly, life was never cooperative. The magus in red had so many adversaries, such as her rival, not only in Magecraft, but also in love, Luviagelita Edelfelt. Richer than even the Tohsakas, the Edelfelts were the highest of the nobles, which she used to her advantage. Another big rival was Rider. The said gorgon was gorgeous, with fair skin, long, silky violet hair, very generous bust (even bigger than Sakura's!), an hourglass figure, and just the plain ability to drown any man she wanted in a pool of lust. Sure, the other women also had their advantages, but she knew who the biggest obstacle was.

Sadie Hemsworth, also known as King Arturia, was the girl to beat. She and Shirou were two puzzle pieces which fit each other snugly. Saber's masculine, swordswoman side would easily compliment Shirou's feminine, housewife side. She was his sword, and he was her sheath. Together, they could take on the world.

Rin shoved the little synopsis out of her thoughts. It wouldn't do good to mess up the potion she was making. See, she was making a truth serum of sorts, to find out who Shirou really liked. Rin would be surprised if Shirou's love interest wasn't the girl in blue. Once she found out who he liked, she would "accidentally" fire a stray Gandr bullet, killing the said love interest. It was foul play, and Rin knew that, but this wasn't a battle anymore. It was a freaking war, and

* * *

Of course, to provide comedic relief, Shirou had been dragged into a date with two of the girls on his "Most Dangerous to Health" list, Rider and Saber Alter. How they brought Shirou out of the house without any of the girls tagging along is unknown, but all I can say is that it required time, planning, and lots and lots of curry.

Wait, why did Rider want to tag along? Well, the answer was simple. She wanted more books. Well, at least that was her excuse.

"Shirou, let's go to the coffee shop nearby," said Saber Alter, clutching onto his arm tightly. She also had a knife to his back, in case he tried to escape.

"But I want to buy a book," said the purple haired beauty. Rider also had her nail pointed at Shirou, since she didn't have enough money for the Fate/Zero light novel volume that just came out, and she wanted Shirou to "willingly" pay for the reading material.

"Coffee," said Saber Alter, letting the knife dig into the flesh of the small of Shirou's back. Shirou's face contorted in pain.

Rider said, "I veto that idea. To the bookstore we shall go." She then whipped the poor boy with the chain attached to the metal stake. Shirou thought at the speed of light. He had been practicing a new king of projection, one that wasn't related to edged weapons, or protective shields. Sure, it took up a lot of prana, but if he didn't use the spell, he'd faint of blood loss.

"Trace on," mumbled Shirou. He felt his internal switch flick on, and felt his body switch from relying on his veins and arteries, to his Magic Circuits. He readied his projection, and exclaimed, "Holy Grail, what in the Reality Marble is that!?" As you can see, Shirou isn't a really good fibber. Luckily for him, the two steadied their weapons, and looked away. He then projected the object into the real world. Afterwards, he dived dramatically into the nearby store, which just happened to be a Brothel House. Curse his luck.

When the two silent but deadly Servants turned back to where Shirou was, they saw a balloon shaped like the said magus. It even had the same color scheme. Sadly, the girls didn't buy the hoax, due to the fact that they pulverized it with their bare fists at first sight. Sighing, they parted, Black Saber going into the nearby Starbucks, and Rider walked in the direction of the bookstore.

It looked like she needed to "haggle" with the cashier.

* * *

Once Shirou was back at home (hooker-free), Rin approached him with a platter of watermelon slices in hand. "Here, have a watermelon slice," said Rin, giving the boy a slice of the red fruit. Yes, the whole batch was tainted with the serum she made earlier. Shirou smiled, and ate the piece of food in one bite. Shirou suddenly felt a wave of nausea overcome him. He looked at Rin, who was smiling wickedly. He wondered if she thought this was a funny prank.

"Did you put something in the watermelon slice I ate," asked Shirou. Then, all of a sudden, chains surrounded the magus, and three red locks appeared. It didn't look like Rin was affected by the metal restraints. In fact, it seemed Shirou was the only one who could see the locks. Something, maybe foreknowledge, told him that they were called "Psyche-Locks*", and that if he could break the locks through interrogation, he would find out the truth.

"N-no I didn't," said Rin.

"You stuttered," said Shirou. Then one lock broke, which left Shirou with two locks to go. "Tell me the truth."

"Maybe the watermelons you picked out were spoiled," said Rin. She wan't stuttering or fidgeting anymore, so Shirou couldn't call her out on that.

Shirou replied, "But you were the one who bought the watermelon in question. Remember? _'Since I'm cooking, let me buy the ingredients!'_." Rin was now sweating a little. Yet another lock broke. Then Rin's frown turned upside down.

"But do you have proof?"

"Once I bit into the fruit, I felt a wave of nausea. A side effect of the potion you made me, perhaps? If I'm wrong, why don't you try a slice?" Once the final lock shattered, the chains started unraveling, and Rin started to look less reluctant at sharing the truth.

Rin turned away, head held high, and said, "I put a truth serum in your slice, okay? I really wanted to know who you liked."

Before replying, Shirou projected a flame sword, and incinerated the batch of watermelon slices. "I care about all of you. If I didn't, then why would I keep you guys here? You make a mess of the house, you hurt me, and you treat me like a prize to be won. But I still love all of you."

The moment after that, Rin was enveloped in the warmest hug she ever had. Encased in Shirou's arms, she knew that even if she lost the war of love, she would still be cared for. Sinking into the warmth of the hug, she remembered the childhood she never had.

"_Baka_," she whispered, hugging the boy back.

* * *

_**Footnotes:**_

* * *

_**Psyche-Locks: Aspect from the **_**Ace Attorney_ franchise. They appear when a person you're talking to is lying. You break the locks to break the person's will to hide the truth. The more locks appear, the harder the person wants the secret to stay secret._**

**_Fate/Zero: You all probably know what this is already. If you don't, go check out the Wiki. _**

* * *

**I think that was my fluffiest chapter to date! Hopefully I'll find the time and inspiration to make more. Then again, some people read this for the comedy... oh well.**

**Please review! I _really_ want to recieve all your feedback! If you think this chapter was awesome, tell me! If you think this chapter sucks like Hell, then tell me too (But please tell me the reason WHY you think the chapter sucked).**

**Don't forget to vote on my SECOND poll if you haven't voted yet. It'll be hard and unwise for me to boot a popular character, so if you really love a character, then vote!**

**Goodbye! **

* * *

_**Love Stats:**_

* * *

_**Sadie: From 3 to infinity**_

_**Alter: ? (Somewhere near -2)**_

_**Lily: 6**_

_**Ayaka: 6**_

_**Rin: From 2 to 7**_

_**Sakura: 6**_

_**Rider: -2**_

_**Luvia: 4**_

_**Shiki: 6**_

_**Atalanta: ? (Somewhere near -5)**_

_**Ciel: From -4 to 6**_

_**Manaka: ?**_

_**Misaya: ?**_

_**Hisui: ?**_

_**Kohaku: 2**_


	18. Enter Akiha Tohno

**Welcome back! I am introducing yet another Tsukihime character. Also, don't count on Arcueid appearing in the fic.**

**Disclaimer in previous chapters**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen: Enter Akiha Tohno**

* * *

"Damn those maids," muttered a raven-haired girl, strutting along the street with purpose. She had finally got her long lost brother to finally get informal around her, and all of a sudden, the maids caring fot the house quit. The misfortunate girl didn't know what came over them. The serval ladies were treated fine, since the only prohibition the girl of the manor imposed was... "Oh."

She had clearly stated that the maids were to, in layman's terms, keep their hands of the brother. See, to the girl named Akiha Tohno, incest is wincest. It's practically her interest. Since they were also teenagers, they needed their own boy to fawn over, and due to the fact that the only male in their radar was already the property of their mistress, they probably went off to find their own love.

"Aha, this must be the Emiya residence," said Akiha, observing the traditional Japanese house. She held up the sheet the Maid Society "willfully" gave her. According to the piece of paper, Kohaku and Hisui were now under Shirou Emiya's custody. "Well, time to get my servants back." The one of hellish descent rang the doorbell. A lot of footsteps could be heard in responce. It perplexed the young Tohno heir. She doubted a single person, even two people, could make that many footsteps. Her inner question was answered once the door was opened. At the door were around five women, consisting of her former maid Hisui, a busty violet-haired beauty in an apron, a petite blonde grasping a sword, a bespectacled blackette, and a puppy-esque woman wielding a shield.

"...Wait, your not Shirou," sighed the girl with the shield as she walked away dejectedly. The lady with the glasses followed, after greeting Akiha. The blonde gripped her saber, and the purple-headed buxom put on a fake smile. As expected, Hisui was scared, shrinking at the sight of her former mistress. Then all of a sudden, a masculine voice could be heard from behind her. "Why're you three here? And who is this?"

* * *

"B-But I like it here!" said Hisui pitifully defending her right to stay in the Emiya Estate. "Don't take us away!"

"I object," said Akiha. She was in dire need of household help, since neither her nor Shiki could cook, and living on instant noodles and TV dinners hasn't exactly been paradise for either of the Tohnos. Plus, she couldn't hire any other maids, due to the fact that, well, she's a half-demon. Not a lot of servants would want to work for a hellish mistress. If only there was a Combat Butler somewhere out there. "Shiki and I need you!"

"And why do you need these maids in particular? You're rich, so you can get any maid or butler you would want! Why would you need them?" asked Shirou. Just then, five locks appeared in front of the woman in question. Shirou sighed. He was going to have a hard time breaking all of those Psyche-Locks. Luckily for him, Ciel stepped in to save the day.

"She's a demon," said the curry lover, breaking the locks, "a fiendish kind to be specific." She then took a sip out of her curry-flavored sports drink. "Right, _flat chest-san_?"

Akiha would've replied with an insult of her own, if Kohaku hadn't exclaimed, "Don't make fun of my old Ojou-sama's_ ironing board_!"

"You mean her _washboard_?" replied Rin, popping up out of nowhere. "Or maybe her _lack of man-bait_."

"I said it's bad to make fun of Mi'lady's _flat horizon_!" exclaimed the maid. "She tends to get really mad if you happen to make fun of her _runway_."

Let's just say that things got a bit hectic after that.

* * *

After the whole dilemma, Akiha went home, promising to return to get back what was rightfully hers. Shirou sighed, yet again. For some reason, girls just couldn't leave him alone, and that face was augmented by the True Grail theory. He then felt a hand fall on his shoulder. He looked for the owner, which turned out to be Hisui.

"Are you okay Mi'lord?" said the girl. "We all got a rough beating."

"I'm actually pretty used to it," said Shirou. He was handed a banana, which he gratefully took. "As you can see, living with a harem is pretty hard."

"Thanks for standing up for me earlier. It... touched me. Ans as for your harem-y adventures, it's okay, 'cause we'll persevere," said Hisui. She then stood up and left, but not before whispering, "Together."

* * *

_**Footnotes:**_

* * *

_**Fiendish Kind: Demons the Church doesn't hunt down **_

* * *

**Please don't forget to review and vote, and I'll see you later!**

* * *

_**Love Stats:**_

_**Sadie: From 3 to infinity**_

_**Alter: ? (Somewhere near -2)**_

_**Lily: 6**_

_**Ayaka: 6**_

_**Rin: From 2 to 7**_

_**Sakura: 6**_

_**Rider: -2**_

_**Luvia: 4**_

_**Shiki: 6**_

_**Atalanta: ? (Somewhere near -5)**_

_**Ciel: From -4 to 6**_

_**Manaka: ?**_

_**Misaya: ?**_

_**Hisui: ?**_

_**Kohaku: 2**_

_**Akiha: ENTERED**  
_


	19. Enter Joan of Arc

**I have exams this week from September 3 - 5, so don't expect any updates. Oh yeah, wish me luck!**

**Poll Results: Medusa is now Number One, with Saber and Saber Alter closing in.**

**Disclaimer in earlier chapter**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen: Enter Joan of Arc**

* * *

"It seems that some people want to misuse the Grail," said a blonde knight, decked out in medieval armor. She glared at the forty inch screen in front of her, which displayed footage of Misaya and Manaka interacting with Shirou Emiya, our unfortunate hero. She brought out her sword, still in its scabbard, and pressed a button out of her arm's reach. The display turned into an X-Ray like color scheme, and showed shards of gold residing in the three people. "Their hearts are unworthy, and to save the Grail, I must take action!"

Standing up, she brought out her blade, and walked out of a secret room in the Church. You see, the girl in the armor has a name, Joan of Arc to be exact. She is a Servant of the Ruler class, meant to safeguard the grail from misuse, and if things kept going as it was, she would fail her mission.

She could _not_ fail her mission.

As Joan walked towards the front door, she snapped her fingers, a t-shirt-skirt combo replacing her set of armor. She didn't want to act conspicuous, since that would cause unnecessary complications. Once she hit the road, she called for a cab, and rode off. Her plan was to obviously get some information on the targets, and then end them swiftly.

* * *

"I would like to rent a room, if I may," said Joan, not expecting the targets to have so many meat shields, thirteen to be exact. She didn't count the owner, Shirou Emiya, since he didn't look like much of a meat shield. Too lean.

The rest of the girls, including the targets Manaka and Risaya, looked at the boy as if saying, _'Are you serious!?'_. The poor teen gulped at the daggers being glared his way. Still, he held his resolve and said, "Well, we have a few extra rooms. Go choose one."

Once the glares intensified, Joan of Arc noticed that the thirteen weren't merely meat shields: They had power, and some of them were at Servant level. She observed the boy, and saw the way he twitched his hand, as if he had summoned a lot of blades in his past. Joan frowned. It seemed that everyone in the room had the Shards, and were familiar with magecraft and magic.

"Okay, let's go, Mister..." said the armored blonde, putting on the oblivious act.

"Emiya. Shirou Emiya," said the ginger. Joan could almost imagine the double-o-seven theme kick in just at that exact moment. Shaking the thoughts out of her head, she followed the young Emiya. It appeared that the Estate was akin to a Japanese manor, since there were about thirty rooms total. As they walked through the house, she made out potential hideaways and escape routes, in case her targets found out her true nature.

"Um, miss..."

"Joan."

Shirou continued, "Ahem, Ms. Joan, is this room suitable?

Joan surveyed the room they had just entered. It had a window, perfect for emergency egress's, and it was far enough from all the other rooms that Joan could let her guard down a little at night. "Yes, this would suffice."

* * *

**The Next Day**

* * *

"Ready..." said Shirou, pulling back his fist.

"_Steady..._" said Kohaku, her knuckles turning white.

_"**GO!**"_ exclaimed the Tohsaka sisters, thrusting their fists out as the other two followed suit. They then examined each other's hands. Rin's was balled up into a fist, symbolizing Shirou and his Reality Marble. Sakura, her current adversary, had a finger extended, representing a Servant's mastery of their chosen weapon.

For the other match, Kohaku had the same symbol as Rin's. In Shirou's case, he had all of his fingers extended, symbolizing Gilgamesh's Gate of Babylon. Shirou and Rin sighed. They had lost custody of the kitchen for the day.

"High five Tohsaka-san!" said Kohaku, holding up her hand to the sky. Rin obliged, having warmed up to the perky maid. The winners of the Fate/Stay Night themed Rock-paper-scissors get ownership of the kitchen for the said day.

Joan shook her head, not approving of the carefree shenanigans the harem + Shirou goes through. She had just decided to gather more info on the two targets when someone burst into the room, disrupting the serenity.

"I'm back!" exclaimed Akiha, her hair crimson red. Then she lashed out.

* * *

**_Footnotes:_**

* * *

**_Joan of Arc: A Servant of the unique Ruler Class in the novel and cancelled game_ Fate/Apocrypha_. Check the wiki for more info._**

**_F/SN Rock-Paper-Scissors: Check Chapter Four for explanation_ **

* * *

**Please don't forget to review and vote on the poll, and I'll see you later!**

* * *

_**Love Stats:**_

* * *

_**Sadie: From 3 to infinity**_

_**Alter: -2**_

_**Lily: 6**_

_**Ayaka: 6**_

_**Rin: From 2 to 7**_

_**Sakura: 6**_

_**Rider: -2**_

_**Luvia: 4**_

_**Shiki: 6**_

_**Atalanta: 0**_

_**Ciel: From -4 to 6**_

_**Manaka: 0**_

_**Misaya: 0**_

_**Hisui: 2**_

_**Kohaku: 2**_

_**Akiha: ? (less than zero)**_

**_Joan of Arc: ENTERED_  
**


	20. Exit Risaya Reiroukan & Manaka Sajyou

**I now have a new beta reader, _Random_! He'll be editing, and giving some side-comments along the way, so if there are still any errors in grammar/spelling, lay the blame on him! Just Kidding!**

**Still, why is Rider your favorite female!? This is just a repeat of last time!**

**Disclaimer in earlier chapters**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

** Chapter Twenty: Exit Misaya Reiroukan & Manaka Sajyou**

* * *

It all happened in the blink of an eye. The moment the red hair was launched, Ciel, an observer to the events unfolding, jumped out with her Black Keys in hand to save the blonde girl. Little did Ciel know that the blonde girl wasn't as useless as she expected.

Hair met sword. It was kind of like poop hitting a fan, only you replace "poop" with "red hellish hair" and "fan" with "spinning sword". Basically Akiha's attack was useless in front of the skilled swordswoman. The redhead with the new haircut gasped.

"A judge must be just, and swift with her decision-making," said Joan of Arc, steely medieval armor appearing on her person. Her onslaught continued, Akiha only surviving due to the fact that her hair protected her from the silver blade's bloodthirsty edge. Akiha glared at her adversary, just as Joan gave her own leer. "Though it may ruin my guise, I must deliver _God's Judgement_!"

The already blurry streak of silver went even faster, rivaling even Atalanta's speed. The extra momentum equaled stronger strikes, forcing Akiha into total defence. It took all of Akiha's concentration just to avoid getting diced to pieces, much less retaliate.

"Hold it!" exclaimed Shirou in vain. The clanging of steel was just too loud. Most of the Servants, finding obligation with neither of the two women, just stood by. They know a duel when they see one. The others, including Ciel and Shirou, tried to stop the fight (Shirou trying to save the woman, the others want to save the room so that they don't have to help out the maids), but could find no opening. They were just too fast. Getting tired of the stalemate, Shirou traced on. "I said _hold it_!"

The sound of the melee stopped. In between the two ladies was the boy Shirou Emiya, a four-petal Rho Aias blocking Akiha's Crimson Red Vermillion. On the other side, Joan of Arc's blade was sheathed into Avalon. Projecting both Rho Aias and a perfect Avalon consumed a _lot_ of prana. Shirou was lucky that he still stood. His Magic Circuits were overheated, and almost all of his prana was drained out of him. He was on his reserves, and he was close to fainting, but he held firm.

"Just stop this! Can't we resolve this like civilized people!?" exclaimed Shirou, dispelling the scabbard and shield.

"_**Veto****!**_" exclaimed Akiha, just as Joan spun around and roundhouse kicked our hero, knocking him out cold. The last thing on Shirou's mind was the sound of swords and battle, and the feeling of hands dragging him away.

* * *

Shirou had a dream. Kiritsugu Emiya, Shirou's father, was hovering above Shirou's astral projection. He smiled down at the ginger, not unlike the one he showed during the fire. "Shirou,_ I am your father_."

"Yeah, I happen to know that. No need to make a Star Wars reference," said Shirou, acting a little out of character. In his defense, anyone would get a little ticked if they met their deceased dad, and the first thing the father said was a corny movie reference, wasting their limited time with each other. Kiritsugu chuckled in reply.

"I always wanted to say that," said the Magus Killer, running his hands through his hair. Then his expression turned a little more serious. "I'm sorry, but this 'visit' is strictly business."

"Says the guy who referenced a film," remarked Shirou, who wanted to smack himself due to his decorum. What was causing him to be so... so _tsundere_? "S-Sorry, please go on."

"Sure," said the man, smirking a little. "I want to talk to you about your... situation." It was obvious that he was referring to Shirou's harem situation. Once all the Grail Shards unite, Shirou and company fade away, the True Grail taking their place. The problem not only lies in the fact that he and the girls lose their right to live, but it also lies in the fact that the Grail, the one with the power to grant wishes, could fall into the wrong hands. "There's a way to stop the Shard Summoning process."

"T-There _is_!?" exclaimed Shirou, surprised. "Then how can I stop it!?" Then, right beside the father, the silhouette of a saber formed, slowly revolving as if on display. Shirou tried analyzing the weapon, but he got nothing. It was the same situation as Ea.

"You must find the sword, charge it up, and use it on you and your harem," said Kiritsugu, fingering the blade a little. "Once you charge it up, just wave it over the women, and the shards shall be removed. It's your choice to use the shards, or destroy them. This blade is certainly capable of that."

Then the blade's design appeared. It was a double-bladed spear-point blade with a small fuller near the hilt. The hilt was gold with what appears to be the symbol of an eye. On the pommel was a round jewel, which was the color green. All in all, it was a magnificent blade. "Your body is made out of swords, correct? Use that body to find the Four Sword!"

"W-Wait! _Dad_!" cried Shirou, the blade and his father fading away. He reached out in vain.

* * *

"_Dad_!" cried Shirou, his outreached hand finding a target. A soft and firm target. He shouted, noticing that his hand was on... Rider's womanhood. He fell off the chair he was on, hitting his head on the hard floor.

"Ow..." said Shirou, rubbing the sore part. He then looked up to the pink-haired beauty. She was peering down at the boy. Well, to be more specific, her blindfold was pointed in Shirou's general direction.

Putting "The Rise of Nine" aside, Rider said, "Is anything the matter Shirou?"

"Father, Sword, _B-Breasts_..." said Shirou, standing up. He remembered how the sword looked like, and whenever he concentrated on the sword hard enough, he could sense it, like how a needle of a compass is attracted to the North Pole. "Ugh, my head is spinning... What happened while I was out?"

"Oh, just your average quarrel, murder, the works." At the word murder, Shirou's head whipped around to face the buxom lady. She had his full attention, just the way she liked it.

"What in the world happened!? Who was the murderer, and who was the victim!?" yelled Shirou, his hands balling up into fists. Just the thought that one of the people he cared for, cold and lifeless in a puddle of red death. It was unbearable.

"Oh, just Manaka and Risaya," said Rider nonchalantly, fingering the book in her hands. "It turns out that 'Joan' isn't the oblivious human we've come to know. She's a Servant!"

* * *

_**Footnotes:**_

* * *

_**Four Sword: Sword from the Zeldaverse**_

_**Kiritsugu Emiya: Your friendly neighborhood Magus Killer**_

_**The Rise of Nine: The third book in the **_**Lorien Legacies_ book series _**

* * *

**Well, we can now kiss those unedited chapters of the past goodbye! Starting next week, my Beta Reader will be raring to go!**

**Don't forget to vote on the poll on my profile, and please review!**

**Goodbye!**

* * *

_**Love Stats:**_

* * *

_**Sadie: From 3 to infinity**_

_**Alter: -2**_

_**Lily: 6**_

_**Ayaka: 6**_

_**Rin: From 2 to 7**_

_**Sakura: 6**_

_**Rider: -2**_

_**Luvia: 4**_

_**Shiki: 6**_

_**Atalanta: 0**_

_**Ciel: From -4 to 6**_

_**Manaka: EXITED**_

_**Misaya: EXITED**_

_**Hisui: 2**_

_**Kohaku: 2**_

_**Akiha: ? (less than zero)**_

**_Joan of Arc: 0 (neutral)_**


	21. Enter Illyasviel von Einsberg

**I am back from the "dead", and it looks like I'm not the only one! As thanks for the whopping _106_ reviews (My _second most_ reviewed story! So close!), I decided to answer the complaints of the readers (text has been paraphrased to hide the identities of the reviewers, and to bring comic relief):**

* * *

_a.) Ojou-sama is supposed to be Goshujin-sama you idiot!_

**_There, fixed! You can thank _Random_ for that._**

_b.) WTF!? Why did Ilya die!? Urgh! I'm never reading this piece of s*** ever again!_

**_There, fixed! Have fun reading this chapter!_**

* * *

**I have hit a sort of a dead end. One of the reviewers has pointed out that the story could grow stale, and thanks to that awakening, I'll be open to suggestions. Even mini suggestions like "Ooh ooh, add _this_ heroine in the next chapter!" go a long way.**

**Poll Results: Rider, who's in first place, has 19% of the votes!**

**Disclaimer in earlier chapters**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty One: Enter Illyasviel von Einsberg**

* * *

"_~Auah_," yawned Rin Tohsaka, a little tired thanks to the funeral held for the two deceased magi. She walked across the yard, into the main building, and straight into the kitchen to claim ownership before Kohaku or Shirou could keep it from her grasp. To her shock, Sakura and the maid were already in the kitchen, reading a note on the counter top. Her curiosity piquing, Rin looked over the shoulders of the other two.

* * *

_**Out to save the harem, and potentially the world**_

_**-Shirou Emiya**_

**PS: Don't try to look for me**

* * *

Noticing her sister, Sakura said, "W-What do we do now _Nee-san_!?" Rin could see that Kohaku was also on edge, and it was understandable. Rin was reaching the limits of her serenity too. The walked put to the dining table, and felt the underside till she sensed a small button. What did the button do? It signaled for the other girls to rally to the dining room. It was the **Emiya Alarm**, made with Shirou's antics specifically in mind. Rin pressed it, and Klaxon alarms were sounded throughout the room. Instantly, girls reached the rendezvous point, some women rushing through he halls, while some used their inhumane speed to "teleport" to the meeting spot. Luvia busted a hole through the roof, sent down a rope from her private helicopter, and slid her way down. Rin faepalmed.

"What happened?" asked Ayaka, her hair all messed up. "And don't say _'Shirou happened'_."

"He... ran away, to save us or something," said Rin, who grabbed the note from Kohaku's grasp. Everyone groaned. Every now and then, Shirou would leave, on the pretense of "saving the world" every now and then, just to get away from it all. It's pretty similar to the Atalanta Arc, only without the kidnapping.

"This time I'm sure he's really trying to save us," said Rin, motioning towards Rider. "Tell us what Shirou told you." The others weren't too happy that Shirou withheld information from them, but felt the need to share it with Rider, though they all shoved the thought from their minds.

"He said that his father appeared to him in a dream..." After the complete retelling, Rin cried, "See? If we don't get him back, he'll become a... a..." Some of the girls got what Rin was saying, while others didn't.

"What do you mean by that, Ms. Tohsaka?" asked Luvia, putting on her "elegance mask". Some of the others lowered their skyward hands, as if they were going to ask the same thing.

"He might become a _Counter-Guardian_."

* * *

In actuality, Shirou wasn't too far from his house. In fact, he was only a taxi ride away. In front of him was the Einzbern forest. A strange feeling, kinda like foreknowledge, guided him towards this ominous patch of greenery. Shirou unsheathed a wooden sword, and ventured forth.

"Damn," swore Shirou, reaching the same stone for the fifth time already. He had already gone through the forest once, why couldn't he go through it again!? Just as he was about to kick the offending rock away out of frustration, he felt something on his shoulder. He whipped around, revealing the astral projection of...

_...Illyasviel Von Einsbern._

"_Holy Grail!_" exclaimed Shirou, backing away from the ghost. The ghost merely floated towards him.

"_Onii-chan!_" exclaimed Ilya in a happy voice. Shirou remembered Chapter One. The girl that talked to Taiga. He hadn't simply hallucinated. That was _her_! "Why are you so troubled_ Onii-chan_?"

"Ilya, I'm having a hard time navigating the forest," said Shirou, happy that he finally had company, "and I need to get to the center. Could you help me out?" The spectral form of his old sister nodded, and walke- floated forward. Man, Shirou would have to get used to that. He followed the ghost.

* * *

After getting some of Shirou's DNA (Almost all of the girls had a lock of his hair, except for Rider and Saber), and making a crystal ball, the magi made a clairvoyance contraption using their prana and spells.

"Wait, what the heck is _this_!?" exclaimed Rin, a little frustrated at the white smudge in front of Shirou. She thought that the smudge was the result of their experiment, and that they had messed up the magecraft. Saber drew nearer, till she realized what the white precipitate actually was.

"_Von Einsberg_!?" exclaimed the swordsman, making the whole group flinch. Then the others who knew Ilya drew near, also noticing that the white spot resembled a certain albino homunculus they knew and had mixed feelings for. Of course, the others had absolutely no clue to who "Von Einsberg!?" was.

"If that's Ilya, then..." muttered Rin. Saber, Alter, Sakura. and Rider had the same thing going through their minds, and raced for the doors. Before she made chase, Rin continued, "…Shirou's in the Einzberg forest!"

* * *

Ilya stopped in an open field. Shirou instantly recognized the area. It was where Heracles fell, and more importantly, it was where Shirou and Saber fought "together" for the first time.

"Here we are, _Nii-chan_!" cheered Ilya, spinning around like she used to when she had a body. It was a bitter reminder that even though Ilya was with him in spirit (The Third Magic to be exact), she wasn't _really_ here. It confused Shirou to no end. "What's with the sad look?

"Well, thanks for taking me here, but I don't know what to do."

"Well, let's try thinking out of the box."

* * *

**_Footnotes:_  
**

**_Clairvoyance: The ability to see events of the future. I modified it a little to suit my needs. They're _Magi_ for Grail's sake!_**

* * *

**Well, how was it? If you _want_ to review, but don't know what to type, just answer these Guide Questions:**

**a.) Do you like Ilya? If not, then please suggest a different heroine._  
_**

**b.) Are the harem characters getting enough screen time? If one of them isn't getting enough love, please tell me.**

**c.) What are your suggestions, if any?**

**d.) Why is _Rider_ on the top of the poll!?**

**Anyway, please leave a review, thank my Beta _Random_, and I'll catch you later!**

* * *

**_Love Notes:_  
**

_**Sadie: From 2 to infinity**_

_**Alter: -1**_

_**Lily: 7**_

_**Ayaka: 7**_

_**Rin: From 1 to 7**_

_**Sakura: 7**_

_**Rider: 0 (yay, neutral!)**_

_**Luvia: 5**_

_**Shiki: 7**_

_**Atalanta: 0**_

_**Ciel: From -3 to 6**_

_**Hisui: 2**_

_**Kohaku: 3**_

_**Akiha: ? (less than zero)**_

**_Joan of Arc: 0 (neutral)_**

**_Illyasviel von Einsberg: Indeterminable_**


	22. Enter Shiki Ryougi

**Wow, pretty good reception lately, besides the occasional "You misspelled this dummy!" review. I'm glad you all love your Ilya's.**

**Also, this chapter, or maybe the next, will start off a schism, Shirou's party, and Saber's party. Shirou, with a few girls from his harem, will try to find the sword his father showed him, while Saber chase after the oblivious teenager.**

**POLL: Also, for those too lazy to research on the heroines I post in the story, I altered the poll so that once you click on the name of the person, the browser will send you to the person's Wikia page. Awesome, right?**

**Results: Rider is on top! (Sexual pun intended)**

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Two: Enter Shiki Ryougi**

* * *

Joan wandered around her hands still soaked with the blood she spilled. Her body swayed, the bloodshed engraved into her mind. She remembered the words she spoke as she was sworn into service.

_"All people and Heroic Spirits participating are important," stated Joan of Arc, accepting the blade they bestowed upon her. "and I will act according to that!"_

She had betrayed her own words. She had killed a participant. She then reminded herself that the two magi in question would destroy the world, just to get their hands on the Grail.

In away, she was like Shirou, who wanted to save everyone, even if it would be impossible. She sighed. She hoped the ginger would stay safe.

* * *

"A-Are you sure about this!?" complained Shirou, not really liking the suggestion. He was now shirtless, holding hands with a translucent Ilya. The said sister was practically groping his body with her eyes, without even a hint of shame. "And, uhh... could you not leer at me like that? It makes me uncomfortable."

"But_ Onii-chan_," objected Ilya, "I'm just looking out for you. For example, your chest seems flabbier than last time." Ilya then poked Shirou's right breast, the said part not even jiggling. It was rock solid. "Ah, never mind. Anyway, we're going to have to think out of the box to solve your problem. This counts as 'thinking out of the box'." Shirou sighed. He had forgotten how crafty Ilya was over her one year absence. Getting up, Shirou dusted off his signature shirt, and put it on.

"But _Imouto-chan_," mimicked Shirou, "I doubt that sitting in a circle half-naked while holding hands with a deceased sister would summon a portal or something." Then Shirou leaned on a tree, his hand making contact with the hard bark. All of a sudden, his hand made a depression in the tree, causing a small shake in the ground. Shirou closed his eyes, bracing for impact. When the dust settled, he opened his eyes, his gaze landing on a marble contraption. It was straight out of a Greek museum, with four marble columns, and a marble floor and ceiling. the width was about half of Shirou's height, while the height of the thing was about a foot above Shirou's head. Curious, Shirou walked onto the platform, Ilya floating right behind him.

Then they shot up straight into the sky.

* * *

Atalanta was shocked. The scent she had been following had ended in the clearing the harem was standing on. She looked around for anything, anything at all, that would lead them to Shirou. The boy that she-

"This is where we murdered Berserker!" exclaimed Rin, realizing the historical significance of the clearing. Saber's head shot up, noticing the same thing. She walked up to Lily, took the sword, and examined Caliburn.

"With this sword..."

Atalanta, ignoring the little sad aura radiating out of Saber, looked up at the sky. His scent trailed up about fifty meters, and then vanished. Curious, the former Huntress walked up to Ayaka and said, "Could you take me up?"

"Why?" asked Ayaka.

"Please just do it."

"Fine. Let's stand on that tree branch," commanded Ayaka. Atalanta used her athleticism to vault to the said branch seven meters off of the ground. Ayaka simply pointed on the shrub she was sitting on, the shrub turning into a seven meter tall column. She hopped onto the tree, and used her magecraft to grow the tree to new heights. The others, noticing their antics, were confused. _Why were they trying to get up higher!?_

"Hold on tight!" yelled Atalanta as she hooked her arm around Ayaka's slim waist. She then jumped towards the end of Shirou's scent trail. "Crossing Arcadia!" She then his an invisible portal, she and Ayaka getting sucked in.

_"Hold on Shirou, I'm coming for you!"_

* * *

When Shirou came to, he was in a little cottage. The ghostly figure of Illyasviel von Einsbern stood/floated beside him. Getting up, he saw that the village was a little too prehistoric for him. Sure, he wasn't in a cave, but instead of light bulbs, candles lit the room, and instead of a TV set, a fireplace was what occupied Ilya's attention. "I-Ilya..."

"Shirou!" said Ilya. "Are you fine?"

"Yeah," replied Shirou. "Avalon does a pretty good job. Anyway, where do you think we are?" Shirou checked his watch, only to find out it wasn't where it was supposed to be. In its stead, the letters "IOU" were written on his arm. A fountain pen was lying on the end table. "Ilya, where's my watch?"

"The one who took you in got curious and took it upstairs," said Ilya, pointing at the staircase. When Shirou gave a little accusative glare, Ilya added, "It wasn't like I could stop her. Being a ghost has its disadvantages, you see."

"Well, let's greet the owner," said Shirou, getting up. He traced a sheathed blade, and walked upstairs, his "little" sister floating right behind him. When he reached the second floor, which was akin to a more open attic, he saw a girl at the desk. She had brown hair, gray eyes, and a perfect posture. Her clothes were mostly blue, excluding the red jacket. She was toying around with the watch, using her butter knife to cut through the metal frame- wait, a _butter knife_ cutting through a _metal frame_!? He decided to toss away the element of surprise. "Uh, hello. Do you speak Japanese?" The girl whipped around, hiding the watch and the knife behind her.

"Finally!" cheered the woman five centimeters shorter than him. "An outsider!"

"What do you mean by 'outsider'?" asked Shirou. He noticed that only _he_ could see Ilya, since the mysterious woman paid her no attention. Of course, she could just be pretending.

"Some one from the Modern Age," replied the woman. She extended her hand. "Shiki Ryougi." Hesitant, Shirou shook Shiki's hand.

"Shirou Emiya," greeted Shirou, already warming up to Shiki Ryougi. "So what is this place?"

"It's pretty much a reality within another reality," said Shiki, fingering the blade behind her. "Any other questions?"

"Uh, nope. Thanks you for bringing me back to health," thanked Shirou, bowing to Shiki.

"Haha," laughed Shiki. "The only thing _I _did was drag you to the bed. Your body regenerates pretty quickly."

"Yeah," replied Shirou, rubbing the back of his head. "So, I'll impose on you no longer. Goodbye." Just as Shirou turned around, a hand landed on his shoulders. He whipped around, his nose almost touching Shiki's forehead.

"I'll travel by your side," said Shiki. "If we're ever going to get out of this Medieval reality, we're going to have to work together."

"Uh, sur-"

"Shirou, look out!" a female voice that wasn't Ilya's or Shiki's exclaimed. A green blur tackled Shirou to the floor, a fireball with a meter radius sailing over their heads.

_The village was under attack._

* * *

_**Footnotes:**_

_**Imouto: Younger sister**_

_**Shiki Ryougi: Remember how Ayaka Sajyou is the female Shirou Emiya? Well, this time Shiki Ryougi is the female Shiki Tohno, in some ways.**_

* * *

**If you wanna leave a review, but don't know what to put in the review, here are a few Guide Questions:**

**_a.) Is splitting the harem into two (Shirou's party and Saber's party) a good idea? (Check the 1st AN of this chapter) Why or why not?_  
**

**_b.) Is Shiki Ryougi a good heroine? Gimme your thoughts on her._**

**_c.) Is anyone out of character?_**

**_d.) Is there anyone you'd like to see in UHW?_**

**_e.) Is there _still_ anyone not getting enough love?_**

**Please answer the GQs, thanks my Editor, vote on the poll, and I'll see you later!**

* * *

**_Love Points:_  
**

_**Sadie: From 3 to infinity**_

_**Alter: -1**_

_**Lily: 7**_

_**Ayaka: 7**_

_**Rin: From 0 to 7**_

_**Sakura: 7**_

_**Rider: 0 (yay, neutral!)**_

_**Luvia: 5**_

_**Shiki: 7**_

_**Atalanta: 2**_

_**Ciel: From -3 to 6**_

_**Hisui: 2**_

_**Kohaku: 3**_

_**Akiha: ? (less than zero)**_

**_Joan of Arc: 0 (neutral)_**

**_Illyasviel von Einsberg: Indeterminable (deceased)_**

**_Shiki Ryougi: ENTERED_**


	23. Enter FateExtra Protagonist

**Hello everybody! Updating on a weekday!? Impossible! Anyway, I'm just going to warn you right now: I might not be able to update this weekend or next weekend, thanks to the back-to-back Jesuit Retreat (I go to a Jesuit High School) and Immersion combo.**

**This chapter will start off the division of the harem. The divisions will go like this:**

**a.) Shirou's Party**

**b.) Sadie's/King Arturia's Party**

**c.) Joan of Arc's Party**

**I'm going to start balancing comic relief and seriousness with this chapter, so _please_ comment on it!**

**Disclaimer in earlier chapters**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Three: Enter Fate/Extra Protagonist**

* * *

_WHOOSH! _A fireball that would've fried Shirou to a crisp sailed over their heads, a feminine arm still covering Shirou's waist. When the three physical entities in the room were sure that there would be no more fireballs, they got out of their hunched positions. When the dust settled, Shirou's eyes landed on Atalanta.

"_Shiro!_" exclaimed Shiki Ryougi, messing up Shirou's name. She approached the girl in green, and pointed her butter knife at the "enemy". She could see lines running across Atalanta's arms, torso, and neck. She could also see the points of her Origin, and one little stab from the knife Shiki held in her hand would be the end of whoever that was. That was the power of the _Mystic Eyes of Death Perception_. "Name and occupation, green one!"

"This isn't a court trial!" exclaimed Shirou, pushing the blade down. "This is my... familiar, Atalanta. Atalanta, meet Shiki Ryougi."

"I don't think this is the time for greetings," said Shiki, "but anyway, hello _Ataranta._" The archer's eye twitched. Before the Huntress could point her bow at the assassin, two other reinforcements showed up. On a very overgrown tree stood Ayaka Sajyou, the girl Shirou shared a kiss with near an apartment complex, and the Stray Servant. Shirou was going to have to rename the little lost puppy later.

"We must escape... _Master_," stated the Stray, liking the word Master. Shirou shivered at the thought. "We are currently under attack. Ayaka over here has seen the fleet. We might not make it back if we don't go now!"

Atalanta grabbed onto Shirou, who's soul was tethered to Ilya's, and vaulted, trying to create some distance between them and the butter knife wielding woman. Of course, the archer's gift wasn't granted. Once she felt a hand on her shoulder, she whipped her head around, only to find that it was Shiki Ryougi gripping her shoulder. Shiki's arm was now ten meters long, which was the distance between Atalanta and the Ryougi residence. In response, Atalanta muttered, "W-What kind of sorcery is this!?"

"Magical Prosthetic Arm," said Shiki, once they both made touchdown. "Enough about me, we have to save the village." Atalanta would've protested, if Shirou hadn't gotten off of her, and had traced his own weapons, piquing Shiki's interest.

"I agree," said Shirou, brandishing Kanshou and Bakuya. The Chinese broadswords were ready for action. "This is my only path, the path towards helping others. If you three want to go ahead, well then that'd be fine, but if you were to stay..." The _other _Shiki, the Stray Servant, leaped off of the tall plant, landing just in front of Shirou.

"Even if you're throwing away the chance to return home, I'll stay by your side!" stated Misaki (Stray Servant's last name), brandishing her shield. "Same with those two!" Then Ryougi interuppted.

"Wait, you know a way _out _of this dump!?" exclaimed the girl with the red jacket. A volley of arrows was launched, the group protected by Misaki's magic shield. Ayaka also jumped down, nearly avoiding a small fireball. She then pointed at an exact location in the sky. If Ryougi focused her eyes. she could see a translucent disk shape.

"There," said Ayaka. "If you want to leave, you'd better leave now. Gaia's trying to crush the abnormality, so the portal will only last for a few minutes more." Ryougi weighed the choices. Survive, or live a little?

"...No, I'll see this through," said Ryougi, her serious side taking over. "Shirou... you interest me."

"...I don't like the sound of that," replied the boy truthfully, just as a cohort of bandits appeared. "At least you pronounced my name right." The fight was on.

* * *

"W-What happened!?" stammered Rin, bewildered. They had just... disappeared. No, there had to be an explanation. Instead of asking questions, Sadie used her heightened mobility to get to the branch that Atalanta, followed by Ayaka and Shiki, had leapt off of. She scanned the skies, trying to find the-

"Got it," murmured the King, jumping off. She hit the portal, sending her to wherever Shirou and Co. was. Of course, Alter and Lily followed. They were the girls that leapt through time. The women that weren't versed enough in the art of Thaumaturgy, Sakura and Kohaku, followed, climbing up the tree the old fashioned way. Lastly, Akiha used her hair to touch the portal.

"It must be some kind of variation to the Second Magic," muttered Luvia, captivated at the show of real magic. Rin nodded. "Well, let's catch up-"

"We can't," stated Rin, confusing the others. Rider was anxious. She wanted to get to her Master. "The portal has closed off."

"I have an idea," said a familiar voice. The ladies all turned around, revealing Joan of Arc.

* * *

"Ugh, that was tiring," said Ryougi, the others nodding their heads. All had gone well. The bandits had attacked with powerful weapons perfect for raids, but useless for attacking a small resistance. Within half an hour, the town was rid of the thieves. In the aftermath, only Ayaka and Shirou were scathed, but only with mere scratches. Shirou, dusting himself off, said, "Let's go find survivors."

Even if they saved it, the village was a wreck. Debris was scattered everywhere, fiery leftovers of the fireballs were burning, human carcasses were strewn around haphazardly. It seems that the village wasn't really prepared for a bandit raid, and it all escalated too quickly. Once the group was about to lose hope, they saw a survivor. Quickly, the boy rushed forward, seeing a girl barely standing. She had brown hair that reached her waist, and brown eyes that had pain etched into them. Her whole body was shivering, probably due to the massive wound from in between her breasts till her belly button. Her clothes were torn in various places, and each breath she drew hurt. Shirou closed his eyes, imagining the one thing that could save her. He opened his eyes, Avalon in his grip. The boy rushed to the girl, and pressed the sheath onto her massive cut, activating the magic through the use of prana. He smiled at her. Once she seemed stable, he picked her up and walked towards the harem, who had just reached him. Once the girl was in her sight, Atalanta's palm flew straight to her face, followed by Misaki and Ayaka.

Great. Another addition to the ever-growing harem.

Ryougi gave them a weird look. Sighing, she turned her attention to the boy carrying the girl. Shirou said, "Are you okay?"

"Yes, she's perfectly fine," interjected Ryougi sarcastically. "Seriously Shiro!?"

"Oh yeah," muttered Shirou. He would've rubbed the back of his head, if he wasn't supporting the brunette with both arms. "What's your name?"

"I-I don't know," replied the girl, her lids drooping. She curled up into a ball, using Shirou's chest as a pillow. Shirou sighed. He now had to rename _two _girls.

"So, what do we do now?" asked Shirou, executing a complex maneuver so that the mysterious woman was piggyback riding him.

_"We'll travel to another village."_

_**Footnotes:**_

**__****Fate/Extra Protagonist**: Fate/Extra's female protagonist. Go to the poll on my profile, and click on her name to get more info on her.

**_Shiki Misaki: Stray Servant_**

**_Shiki Ryougi: Kinda like a female Shiki Tohno_**

* * *

**Please answer the following in your review:**

**1.) Anyone Out of Character?**

**2.) Is dividing the harem a good idea?**

**3.) Anyone you want to add to the harem?**

**4.) Am I balancing comedic relief and seriousness well?**

**Thank my Beta, vote on the _MODIFIED_ poll, leave a review, and I'll see you later!**

* * *

**_Love Points:_  
**

_**Sadie: From 3 to infinity**_

_**Alter: -1**_

_**Lily: 7**_

_**Ayaka: 7**_

_**Rin: From 0 to 7**_

_**Sakura: 7**_

_**Rider: 0 (yay, neutral!)**_

_**Luvia: 5**_

_**Shiki Misaki: 7**_

_**Atalanta: 3**_

_**Ciel: From -3 to 6**_

_**Hisui: 2**_

_**Kohaku: 3**_

_**Akiha: ? (less than zero)**_

**_Joan of Arc: 0 (neutral)_**

**_Illyasviel von Einsbern: Indeterminable (deceased)_**

**_Shiki Ryougi: 0.5_**

**_Protagonist: ENTERED_**


	24. Enter Alice

**I've noticed that no one reviewed my last chapter! Heck, not even an "UPDATE NOW!" review. C'mon, this story is a partnership. I write, _Random_ edits, and you, the readers, send us your reviews! Please, I love reading feedback, so just leave a review!**

**Poll Results: Rider at the top with 22/67 of the votes!**

**Disclaimer in earlier chapters**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Four: Enter Alice**

* * *

"W-What happened here!?" They had appeared in a medieval-like town, with busted walls, scattered debris, and burning flames. Nothing was moving. Saber wiped her forehead, the heat of the aftermath making her sweat. One thing was going through her mind.

What the hell happened!?

"Cadavers, cadavers everywhere," sighed Saber Lily, providing a little comic relief. She nudged a carcass's leg with her blade, the corpse not moving. It was, to say, a desolate wasteland. Then Sakura broke the melancholy.

"Shirou's been here!" exclaimed Sakura, rallying the others to her. She pointed at the clean slash mark. "See, this is Kanshou's slash mark!"

"...How can you tell?" asked Saber, a little skeptical. "I'm his sword instructor, and even I can't tell the slash mark difference!" Kanshou and Bakuya are sleek and sharp blades, so there weren't any distinct indents or markings in their slash marks. How Sakura ever found out was unknown to Saber.

"Well, look at this decisive evidence!" said Sakura, kicking away some debris. Behind the said debris, the words 'Shirou waz here' were engraved into the cobblestone wall. "Take That!" Everyone else sighed. Taiga's personality must have rubbed off on Sakura. The way she stood reminded them of the bokken wielding brunette. They all missed the old serene Sakura.

"Well, now that we know that Shirou was here," said Saber, "we have to find him." Everyone nodded their heads in approval, Sakura's a little forced. Saber then thought of the possibilities. She conjectured that Atalanta, Ayaka, and Misaki were with him, so they didn't need to rush. She analyzed the road, seeing four sets of footprints of varying sizes. "Let's follow these tracks!"

* * *

Shirano Kishinami, the Protagonist, had a dream. All around her was fire. _Fire fire fire_. The only thing in her vision was the inferno engulfing her. She pulled out the knife that was sticking out of where her belly button would be, and used it to get up. The huge slash drained her of energy and morale, the two things she needed to stay alive. She moaned, giving herself a little relief, as she limped towards the entrance to the village. She knew she wouldn't make it, looking back at the huge pool of blood she left behind. Just as she was about to drown in her ideals and die, someone helped her. She didn't even notice how he healed her wounds, but his smile. It was like he was the one that was saved instead of her. She knew that she'd remember the warmth of that smile forever and ever...

"_~Auah..._" said the Protagonist, yawning. Shirano scanned the room, not recognizing the furniture and motif. She then remembered that the raid wasn't just a dream, but a reality. She sighed. Everyone she cared for was dead, yet for some reason, she wasn't too melancholic, like someone had injected hope into her veins. Maybe it was that smile... She got off the bed, and searched for her savior, only to find an phantom. Before she could shriek, she was stopped by the cold laugh that came out of the apparition's mouth.

"Hahaha!" laughed Illyasviel von Einsbern, cackling like those stereotypical villains. She stopped laughing, and stared at the girl in front of her. Psyche-locks. Black Psyche-Locks encased Shirano in a web of lies, not giving her any chance of escape. How can Ilya see Psyche-Locks? Shirou and Ilya's souls are now connected, so if Shirou gets hurt, she gets hurt, and if Shirou dies, she dies. If he can see Psyche-Locks, which affects the soul, then it's only logical that Ilya can see them too. "You're trapped in your own lies, and you can't even tell! So tell me..."

"What are you hiding?"

* * *

Of course, even in a whole new dimension, Shirou Emiya still has his harem latched onto his body. After bringing Shirano to an inn and staying there for a night, the girls had decided to take Shirou out on a "life-affirming date" the next day. For some reason, Shiki Ryougi was quiet and polite. It was as if she had a different personality altogether. She was radically different from the renamed Stray Servant, Kokone Kizuki, who was as peppy as always.

"You seem to be having trouble, Shiro," said Shiki, her tone making it sound like she picked her words carefully. Of course, her concern was completely justified. Shirou was practically dog piled by two grown women, Ayaka clinging on his arm, while Kokone took the usual piggyback position previously claimed by Ciel. "Do you require assistance?"

Before Shirou could reply (and correct her pronunciation), Kokone, her nose wrinkled at the smell of curry, answered, "It's okay, he's fine!" She then proceeded to rub herself all over Shirou's backside, trying to replace the scent of Ciel's curry with her own.

Luckily for Shirou, Atalanta seemed to have a slight amount of respect. She stood shoulder-to-shoulder with him protectively, as if to say, 'This is my target, not yours!'

"Spare change?" Then Shirou saw a girl begging for alms on the street, her Victorian-dress in bad condition. Only a few coins were in the cracked plate she held. For some reason, Shirou couldn't help but feel the need to help her, but whether the cause was his personality or just the Shard attraction was unknown.

"How about a friend?"

* * *

"Another Portal!?" exclaimed Rin, staring at the round floating object in front of her. Of course she could tell that that was a portal. She IS a user of the Second Magic, is she not? "B-But how!?"

"I _am_ a ruler," said Joan, looking away from her party. "I get some perks from Gaia." She then waved her hand in the portal's direction, motioning for them to enter.

"Well, it looks like we don't have a choice," said Ciel, stretching her arm. Slowly, the others nodded in agreement. "We're coming for you Shirou, whether you want us to or not."

_**Footnotes:**_

_**Cadavers, cadavers everywhere: Reference to the meme.**_

_**Kokone Kizuki: Stray Servant's new name. A reference to Ace Attorney 5.**_

_**Shiki Ryougi: Has different personalities.**_

_**Alice: A Master in Fate/Extra **_

**NOTE: Check out my MODIFIED poll (added links!). If you click on the woman's name, you'll be transferred to her profile page on the Typemoon Wiki!**

**_Love Points:_  
**

_**Sadie: From 3 to infinity**_

_**Alter: -1**_

_**Lily: 7**_

_**Ayaka: 7**_

_**Rin: From 0 to 7**_

_**Sakura: 7**_

_**Rider: 0 (yay, neutral!)**_

_**Luvia: 5**_

_**Kokone Kizuki: 7**_

_**Atalanta: 3**_

_**Ciel: From -3 to 6**_

_**Hisui: 2**_

_**Kohaku: 3**_

_**Akiha: ? (less than zero)**_

**_Joan of Arc: 0 (neutral)_**

**_Illyasviel von Einsbern: Indeterminable (deceased)_**

**_Shiki Ryougi: 0.5_**

**_Protagonist: 2_**

**_Alice: ENTERED_**


	25. Enter Aoko Aozaki

**I apologize for the brevity, but I was really uninspired. C'mon, only one review (Thanks User 627)?! Please, just leave a review! Is it hard!? Heh, sorry for ranting, but I'm losing my drive without reviews.**

**Poll Results: Sadie dethroned Rider! (Finally)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fate/Stay Night. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Five: Enter Aoko Aozaki**

* * *

"You'll never get past me!" exclaimed the girl objecting the harem's path. She had her hands to her hips, and she had this look of confidence on her. She looked normal, but Shirou could tell she was anything BUT normal.

'Crap, another weirdo,' mentally sighed Shirou, a little tired of running into aberrations all the time. Just like the Atalanta arc, Shirou knew that the woman in front of him was someone capable of killing. Most of the women in his life were like that. 'Maybe if I ignore her...'

"Shiki," said Atalanta, "what does the scouter say about her power level!?"

"It's over _nine thousand_!" exclaimed Shiki who took the scouter and crushed it with her bare hands.

"B-But that's impossible!" cried Atalanta. Shirou sighed. Of course the author wouldn't give his party safe passage. After Shirou hid Shirano and Alice, the girl pressed her palms together and bowed.

"Let's start shall we?" Then the world exploded.

* * *

"Shirou!" exclaimed Saber, as the boy flew into the sky. The red-head was basically a one woman army, her spells destroying everything in her path. Only the Servants and the girl with the red jacket had the ability to dodge attacks, though barely. "Wait-"

"Stay back," said Akiha, her eyes narrowing into a glare. Yet another person flew, the Stray Servant, if Sadie's eyesight could be trusted. The only one who seemed to be able to match the mysterious girl was the OTHER mysterious girl. Instead of dodging the Magecraft, she was STABBING it, the magecraft dissipating instantly. Of course, even if the girl was fast enough to stab and dodge, she wasn't fast enough to move in for the kill. It would be an endurance round, stamina versus prana. "It's unwise to mess with the Blue."

"Isakai no Senrihin!" cried Atalanta, practically teleporting in front of Miss Blue with her superservant speed. And her Starmine. The hunter of Artemis slammed into Ayaka Sayjou and flew into the forest with the latter. It was just the girl with the knife versus the Blue-

**_BAM!_** Never mind. Once Aoko followed the flying woman into the forest, Sadie and her party gave chase.

* * *

Joan of Arc and her party fell out of the portal and into a forest. Rider dusted off her outfit, and as explosions rocked the outside of the greenery, she drew her chains. Then a body slammed into her.

"Flying bodies!" exclaimed Ciel, a certain Stray falling on top of her. Rider had to wonder.

What in the world was happening!?

Rider looked up, just as Ayaka's butt landed on her face. Rider grimaced, and pushed Ayaka and Atalanta away, only for Shiki to slam into her, her head landing in between her bosoms. Rider plucked the girl out of her cleavage, and tried to ready her nail, when an explosion hit her. She was sent flying into a tree, her weapon out of her grasp.

"Stop!" exclaimed Joan, pointing her silver blade in front of the Blue. Aoko smirked, and turned around to face the Ruler. She cracked her knuckles, intimidating the Servant a little.

"Fine, it's a duel," said Aoko, who fired. It was a flurry of explosions, with balls of light appearing every second. Weaving in and out of the blast zones, Joan knew she wouldn't last. Her energy was wavering, while the red-headed girl in front of her wasn't even sweating, as if the battle was mere child's play. Joan knew only one thing could stop her.

La Pucelle. That was the name of Joan's Noble Phantasm. It was a representation of her death at the stake, and it was very destructive. Joan was certain that she'd be able to defeat her adversary using it. Of course, there was a catch. After La Pucelle's use, Joan of Arc would be extinguished. Once she said the activation aria, there was no turning back.

"_Oh Lord, I entrust this body to yo-_"

_**"I am the Pal of my Gal**_

_**Female is my Body, and Estrogen is my blood**_

_**I have created over a Thousand Relationships**_

_**Unaware of the Loss of Women,**_

_**Nor aware of the Gain**_

_**Withstood Pain to create Relationships, Waiting for Mi'Lady's Arrival**_

_**I have no Regrets. This is the only Path.**_

_**My whole life was Unlimited Harem Works."**_

* * *

_**Footnotes:**_

_**Aoko Aozaki: The girl who helped out Shiki Tohno in Tsukihime. She also has her own series, which accentuated her badass-ery.**_

_**Oh Lord, I entrust this body to you!: Aria for La Pucelle**_

_**Unlimited Harem Works: Obviously a spoof on UBW. Why the sudden change in aria? You'll see in the next chapter.**_

* * *

**Again, sorry for the brevity. More reviews = longer chapters. Anyway, I'll see you later!**

* * *

**_Love Points:_  
**

_**Sadie: From 3 to infinity**_

_**Alter: -1**_

_**Lily: 7**_

_**Ayaka: 7**_

_**Rin: From 0 to 7**_

_**Sakura: 7**_

_**Rider: 0 (yay, neutral!)**_

_**Luvia: 5**_

_**Kokone Kizuki (Stray Servant): 7**_

_**Atalanta: 3**_

_**Ciel: From -3 to 6**_

_**Hisui: 2**_

_**Kohaku: 3**_

_**Akiha: ? (less than zero)**_

**_Joan of Arc: 0 (neutral)_**

**_Illyasviel von Einsbern: Indeterminable (deceased)_**

**_Shiki Ryougi: 0.5_**

**_Protagonist: 2_**

**_Alice: ? (No interaction)_**

**_Aoko Aozaki: ENTERED_**


	26. Enter Unlimited Harem Works

**Thanks _Selias_ and the others for snappin me out of my narcissistic reverie. This happened before (PJ:CotLG) and it led to my downfall, and I thank all of you who shook me out of my review-madness. I also thank my beta for supporting me all the way.**

**I shall edit my last chapter, because it was, for the lack of a better term, crap. _Random_, you wanna help me?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fate/Stay Night. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Enjoy! **

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Six: Enter Unlimited Harem Works**

* * *

_**Re-cap of Chapter Twenty Five: **Confronted by Aoko Aozaki, Shirou's harem find themselves outmatched, and they are flung into a nearby forest by Aoko's Magecraft. Meanwhile, Saber's party observes the fight from afar. Shirou's party collides with Joan of Arc's in the forest, and Aoko gives chase. Once Joan and Aoko meet, the latter agitating the former into a duel. Once Joan finds herself outgunned, she tries to use her Noble Phantasm, but is interrupted by Shirou._

* * *

_"I am the Pal of my Gal_

_Female is my Body, and Estrogen is my blood_

_I have created over a Thousand Relationships_

_Unaware of the Loss of Women,_

_Nor aware of the Gain_

_Withstood Pain to create Relationships, Waiting for Mi'Lady's Arrival_

_I have no Regrets. This is the only Path._

_My whole life was Unlimited Harem Works."_

Shirou didn't know what overcame him. He just followed the voice in his head that just screamed "Stop that Aria!" And please don't ask why his aria changed. He didn't know the answer to that one either.

The world around him pixelated, and fell apart, the sight returning into his old Reality Marble. Just summoning it took around half the amount of prana he had, and he was left a little winded. Shirou examined his surroundings, the familiar hill and twilight skyline bringing nostalgia to his senses. One thing was off though.

_Where were the swords!?_

Aoko looked... a little disturbed, not used to her whole worldview changing in the blink of an eye. Of course, she wasn't fazed too much: she had been expecting it of the young Emiya. She had, after all, observed him for a long time now.

Why else would she test him?

Shirou and Aoko locked eyes. At once, magic circles surrounded Aoko's arm, which meant she was getting ready for a Starmine attack. On the other hand, Shirou decided to pull a Gilgamesh, snapping his fingers to summon a Sword Rain.

What he didn't expect was that, instead of swords, flying armed women took their place. Women with swords, girls with guns, gals with bare fists, all the females looked lethal, and they were all launched at Aoko. Aoko weaved in and out, her body parts reinforced for better mobility. If a girl got too close, Aoko would just blast the offending person away. Aoko smirked, liking the fact that her adversary was actually lasting.

She pressed on.

In the other corner, Shirou was nervous. Sure, summoning the girls was as easy as summoning a sword, and if he ever felt nervous unarmed, he could just envision the sword he wanted, and then the female/female version of the warrior who originally wielded the blade would appear, and hand her weapon to the boy. No, that wasn't what made him nervous. Heck, not even the fact that he was running out of prana made him this nervous.

It was the psychotic grin plastered onto Aoko's face that freaked the boy out. Even Gilgamesh, the one Shirou regarded as the most powerful entity he had faced, had a twinge of fear at the sight of the Reality Marble Shirou possessed. He figured that if the enemy in front of him had more balls than the King of Heroes, he had better watch out.

* * *

All the girls were stunned. No one, not even Saber or Rin, had ever seen Shirou's Reality Marble before, and it was a sight. Feats close to True Magic were happening in front of their eyes, and they couldn't help but be shocked in awe, even if Shirou's butt was getting kicked.

"Gyah!" exclaimed Shirou, an explosion five feet from him sending him skyward. Apparently, hiding behind a wall made out of girls isn't really safe. Shirou snapped his fingers to summon an aid, till he noticed that something was off. His body was practically on fire. Sure, he wasn't literally on fire, but his Magic Circuits were close to combusting. It would take a miracle to summon a girl and keep Unlimited Harem Works up at the same time. He hit the ground hard, the world collapsing again. "Umph!"

Everyone was back in the forest, Shirou currently unable to move. It was an aftereffect of intense Magecraft, and Shirou didn't like it one bit. As Aoko made her way towards the boy, his harem rallied to him, forming a ring of protection. Even little Alice was a part of the ring.

"Get away from Shirou!" exclaimed Atalanta. She didn't look too convincing with her sporting those big bruises on her face. Once Aoko raised her arm, everyone flinched. Then the Blue did something that surprised everyone.

She smiled, and clapped. "Shirou Emiya, you are... an interesting specimen. You've earned my respect. You too, _harem-ers_." She turned around, and vanished.

* * *

Shirano Kishinami felt useless. She had seen everyone fight against Aoko, and she recognized all of the strong beauties making up Shirou's harem. It only served to make her jealous. She wanted to be stronger, like the others. If she was stronger, she could have saved her parents in the bandit raid, and she could have helped the one she lo-

"_Konban wa_, Shirano," said Shirou, entering her makeshift tent. The harem-ers had set up a little encampment in the forest/former battle field. "How are you doing?"

"...Uh, I'm f-fine..." mumbled Shirano, pressing her index fingers together. She decided to guide the conversation in a different direction, so as to not let Shirou know of her troubles. "Are you okay?"

Shirou rubbed the back of his neck, and winced thanks to the bruise Aoko gave him. "Yeah, I'm pretty used to getting beat up. It happens almost all the time..."

Ignoring the last remark, Shirano said, "Do you think the girl's gone... _forever_?"

"I doubt it, with my luck," chuckled Shirou. "I have a feeling we'll see her soon enough. I'm a self-proclaimed 'Anomaly Magnet'." Taking a seat next to the Protagonist on her bed, Shirou continued, "You don't look too well, Shirano. Are you okay?"

Shirano sighed internally, cursing the Root for her luck. This was the topic she wanted to avoid the most. "I-I'm fine Shirou, really!"

The familiar sound of Psyche-Lock clangs filled Shirou's senses, two to be exact. He didn't have any proof to show Shirano that would convince her to break the Locks, so he had to use... other tactics. He silently thanked Rin for beating some intelligence into him. "You don't look fine. Your unease is written all over your face." One Lock fell, and worry surfaced on her face.

"E-Even if I were to tell you, w-what would you do to help!?" almost shouted Shirano. She desperately wanted to hide the info from the boy in front of her.

"I'd do anything for my friends," said Shirou, a smile forming on his face. "Heh, I'm obsessed with helping anyone that I can to my dying breath. I know it's hypocritical, but... it's still something worth fighting for." The last Lock fell, as did Shirano's defenses. She spilled the beans on her insecurities, but she had enough self control to not let the fact that she liked Shirou Emiya get out. After the testimony, Shirou gave his own, about swords and battle, about the times he felt utterly useless with an experienced Kin at his side.

"Soon enough, you'll find your role to play," said Shirou. "Good Night, Shirano." He vacated the shelter, leaving the girl to ponder.

That night, she dreamed of a girl that could help her.

* * *

_**Footnotes:**_

_**Unlimited Harem Works: A Reality Marble in Shirou Emiya's possession. Mirrors the way Shirou magically attracts dangerous beauties.**_

_**Konban Wa: Good Evening in Japanese**_

* * *

_**...A girl that could help her: A new harem-er that will debut next chapter. Hint: Read up on Fate/Extra's female Servants **_

**Heh, please give me some feedback! Tell me who's character I should develop more, and what I'm doing right and wrong. Also check the poll, which is linked to Type Moon Wiki, so that you're one click away from a certain harem-er's profile.**

**Goodbye!**

* * *

**_Love Points:_  
**

_**Sadie: From 3 to infinity**_

_**Alter: -1**_

_**Lily: 7**_

_**Ayaka: 7**_

_**Rin: From 0 to 7**_

_**Sakura: 7**_

_**Rider: 0 (yay, neutral!)**_

_**Luvia: 5**_

_**Kokone Kizuki (Stray Servant): 7**_

_**Atalanta: 3.5**_

_**Ciel: From -3 to 6**_

_**Hisui: 2**_

_**Kohaku: 3**_

_**Akiha: ? (less than zero)**_

**_Joan of Arc: 0 (neutral)_**

**_Illyasviel von Einsbern: Indeterminable (deceased)_**

**_Shiki Ryougi: 0.5_**

**_Protagonist: 3.5_**

**_Alice: 0.5_**

**_Aoko Aozaki: Unknown_**


	27. Intermission - Fate's Unlimited Feel

**lAs a thanks for 100+ favorites, I decided to bring in a little treat for those who voted. I've decided to make a (somewhat) fluffy one-shot starring Shirou and the girl with the most votes. **

**Also, for those who have noticed that I add stuff from plays (Enter _, Exit _0), I've decided to add yet another play staple: Intermissions!**

**Disclaimer in earlier chapters**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Seven: Intermission - Fate's Unlimited Feel**

* * *

"Y-You want to go on a date!?" exclaimed Shirou, backing away, not out of fear, but of nervousness. The girl of his dreams had just asked him out on a date, and that sent him to Cloud Nine. He could picture it perfectly, him and his girl going out, and just having fun.

"Why not?" calmly replied the woman, though she was just like Shirou on the inside. She didn't really know what a date was all about, since she had only experienced one in her whole life.

"Well, where do you want to go?" asked Shirou. He wasn't really the romantic type, so he just wanted to wing it. He could do the cliché movie + dinner combo, but it just wouldn't do the beauty in front of him justice.

Shirou continued, "I'll go anywhere you want to go to," said the girl. They both blushed, and looked away from each other. Since both of them were unromantic at best, they both didn't really know what to do. Luckily, a flyer left by Taiga gave him an idea. Walking past his date, he picked up the sheet of paper and examined it.

"A carnival at Shinto?"

* * *

"...Maybe I should ask Taiga for help..." muttered Saber, looking at the piece of cloth with confusion. She had seen Rin don one before, but she didn't really see the use for it. She examined the two cups in curiosity, and decided to poke them, the soft texture tickling her senses. She positioned it over her chest, her breasts fitting snugly into the pads. "Is this supposed to be a breastplate or something? If it is, it's a sad excuse of a breastplate-"

"S-Saber, what are you doing with my bra!?" exclaimed Taiga, who retrieved her bra from Saber's grasp. A tear fell from her eyes, since Saber, who looked like a fifteen year old, was the same "size" as the adult-sized Taiga. "Don't you have your own?"

"All mine are in the wash," replied Saber, thinking that if she told her "I don't have a bra" would send the kendo girl into hysterics. "I really need to go out today, so can I borrow yours?"

"Oh, so _that's_ what Shirou's all excited about!" said the ginger, her frown turning into a smirk. "You two are going on a date, aren't you?" Saber merely looked away, her face flushed red. "Heh, _gotcha!_"

"Well, can you help me dress up then?"

* * *

"...I wonder what's taking her so long," muttered Shirou, sipping some tea in the living room. He had on his normal threads, with an addition of a hoodie. He had to brace himself, for winter was coming. He then heard footsteps. "There you are Sabe- holy Grail!"

It was something out of a fairy tale. With her silver crop top over her white t-shirt, her knee-length skirt reaching her knees as black as night, and high-heels that brought her up to Shirou's height, she looked magnificent. With her blonde Hime cut, she looked like royalty. He hasn't really seen her hair like that, except on special occasions. He's seen it on the day of their first date, and now he's seen it on the second. "W-What's the matter, Shirou?"

"W-Well, let's go then," said Shirou, composing himself. She hooked her arm around the boy's, and they departed. Taiga, who had been the one to pick Saber's outfit, had to smirk.

"They make such a wonderful couple."

* * *

The couple was now in front of the entrance to the "Carnival Phantasm", just in time for Halloween. Shirou sighed. He wasn't really into scary things. He's been through enough during the Holy Grail war.

"So... where do you want to go?" asked Shirou, examining his surroundings. He saw a few safe stands selling Chocolate Frogs and other Halloween themed treats. He prayed that Saber would just take him there-

"Let's go to that mansion thing," said Saber, pointing at the Haunted House. Shirou started sweating bullets.

"Well poop," muttered Shirou, succumbing to his date's desire. He let her drag him into the scary looking estate, and went inside.

The medieval style labyrinth sent chills up Shirou's spine, while it sent Saber shivers of nostalgia. Shirou started to regret picking a horror-themed carnival as a date location, when Saber hooked her arm around Shirou's, which boosted his courage.

Not by much, though. Every twist and turn had something that popped out of nowhere. It wasn't like Shirou was scared of the pop ups (He had seen even more gruesome stuff in the War), he was just startled. Heck, one time, he even jumped into his Servant's arms.

"Sorry about that, Saber," said Shirou. Saber just smirked, and hooked her arm around his again as they exited the house.

* * *

"This is very succulent." After that Haunted House session, the couple went for dinner near the river. Well, Saber went for dinner, while Shirou just watched. The food wasn't that expensive, but he knew that Saber was a _really_ heavy eater. In fact, she was already on her sixth bowl of tempura after merely two minutes. "Shirou... where is your meal?"

Looks like the cat's out of the bag. "I... well-"

"Lion on the loose! _Lion on the loose_!" exclaimed a random pedestrian, who was pointing at the wild cat. It had escaped from its prison in the nearby circus, and it was hungry, very hungry. This sent the customers in the establishment into hysterics, as they ran around like chickens without their heads. "Just look at its bloodstained mane!"

"S-Saber, where are you!?" cried Shirou. The couple had gotten separated from each other due to the rampaging crowd. "Saber!"

"Over here!" waved Saber, who had stood on a table. She was near the exit, which was a relief, but something was off. Oh yeah, the wild carnivore that was next to her. Shirou started sweating bullets. He decided to trust the King, and approached her, Reinforced table leg in hand.

"Saber, you do know that you have a wild animal next to you, right?" asked Shirou.

"Please don't underestimate my Conquering abilities Shirou," stated Saber. She ruffled the lion's mane, and licked the red liquid, much to Shirou's dismay. Before he fainted, Saber said, "It seems that Mr. Mew here likes ketchup!"

* * *

After bringing the lion back (The ringmaster was really surprised), the duo returned home. In the kitchen, Shirou made some tea, while Saber was just sitting in the kitchen.

_What now?_ thought Saber. _The date was a success, in my opinion, but what do we do now?_ She fumbled around with her crop top till Shirou came back with the diaretic drinks. Sitting next to each other, the two sword wielders sipped their tea, each content with the day, but both felt that something was missing.

_Crap, she looks so scrumptious with that get up that it's hard to resist her_, thought Shirou, putting the teacup down. _Maybe if I just slyly maneuver my hand..._ Shirou wormed his fingers towards Saber's. _Touchdown!_

Saber feeling the little contact, blushed and turned away, yet she didn't pull her hand from Shirou's grasp. Shirou slid nearer, till they were shoulder-to-shoulder. They were so close that they could feel each other's breath on their faces. Shirou moved in, and...

* * *

A tired Rin Tohsaka walked towards the Emiya estate. She had spent all day advancing her Magecraft, and all she wanted was to get to Shirou's house and cook up a nice Western dish. Forgetting to knock, Rin opened the front entrance and briskly walked to the kitchen, when the most horrible sight entered her eyes.

Shirou and Saber were making out all over the place. They were everywhere: on the table, on the counter, on anything you could picture in a dining room. Ignoring her twitching eye, she pulled out a camcorder she just happened to have on hand and taped the film.

It would make great blackmail.

* * *

**_Footnotes:_  
**

**_Fate's Unlimited Feel: I got words from the three main routes (Fate, UBW, and HF), and mashed them together._**

**_Carnival Phantasm: A series of wacky anime segments featuring Grail-kun, Berzer-car, and the rest of the F/SN cast! _**

* * *

**So that ends the intermission, and the action in the parallel universe will continue next chapter! Please thank my Beta for all his hard work too, okay?**

**See ya later!**


	28. Enter Tamamo and Exit Alice

**1.) The response to the Intermission was surprisingly positive (though some people didn't like the SwordXScabbard pairing), so I'll be makin a new one once this fic hits 132 reviews! (Why 132 reviews? Once it hits that number, it'll be my most reviewed story on FF!)**

**2.) Don't worry, I'll bring the humor back to this fic!**

**3.) I might not post a chappie next week (a planned hiatus!), for I'll be gathering material. (I summon thee, my Beta Reader!)**

**4.) I'll be making yet another poll once my second poll hits 100 votes!**

**Disclaimer in earlier chapters**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_Chapter Twenty Eight: Enter Tamamo and Exit Alice_

* * *

"Kohaku, could you fetch me some water- Holy Grail!" exclaimed Shirou, dropping his canteen. For some reason, the forest scenery was transformed into a desert over the course of the night, and all but two tents had vanished. Ilya, who had been keeping Shirou company in his tent, was also shocked into silence. In search of friends, Shirou ran into the tent, his gaze landing on a sleeping Shirano, and yet another mystery girl. Shirou sighed. What was with him and mysterious girls!?

The girl was a beautiful, young woman with orange fox ears in her long pink hair, which was tied into pigtails. Her yellow eyes were accentuated by the outfit she wore: a bright blue Japanese kimono of sorts with two separate long blue sleeves. Her indigo long socks with black geta took some attention off of the light orange fox tail. All in all, she was a knockout, and Shirou didn't like it one bit. The boy recalled the formula in his head:

_Mysterious + Beautiful + Girl = Can kick Shirou's butt for sure_

"Oniichan, I have a bad feeling about this..." said Ilya ominously, merely echoing Shirou's thoughts. Before Shirou could sneak out, the girl noticed him.

"Ooh, are you, by any chance, Shirou Emiya?" asked the girl. Shirou could practically feel the happiness radiating from the woman. Backing away slowly, Shirou says, "Y-Yes?" Ilya gives him a look, as if saying: You Idiot! Instead of dishing out a load of pain, the girl rejoiced, doing her own little victory dance.

"Mmh... whoa, what're you doing in my tent!?" exclaimed an awake Shirano, who fell out of bed and onto the mystery woman's feet. Once she noticed that the feet she landed on weren't owned by anyone she recognized, she bolted straight up. "W-Who are you!?"

"Technically, we're unaffiliated, but I'm basically a Servant," said the girl. "A Servant of the Caster class at your service! You can call me anything you want, but I prefer 'Tamamo'."

"S-Servant!?" yelled a surprised Shirou. He adjusted his formula so it fit the circumstances:

Dangerous + Beautiful + Girl + Servant = Dead Shirou

"Why yes, Shirou Emiya," replied the Caster, "I am a Servant. I am Summoned by the Holy Grail to serve a beautiful woman who would like to be a good wife, just like me in my past life!"

"And why are we here, and where is everyone else!?" said Ilya, adding in her two cents to the conversation.

"Oh, are you one of the mistresses?" said Tamamo, looking at Ilya. The Einsbern woman was outraged. She should've been the slightly incestuous love interest, _not_ a side dish to the main attraction! She would not stand for this! Of course, she was a ghost. She couldn't really fight back.

"Wait... what's that you're hiding- _ohmygrail_!" exclaimed Shirou, falling onto the dirt floor in horror. Shirou had to force down the bile in his throat, and only his past gruesome experiences kept him from throwing up. Of course, Shirano didn't have experience with this sort of gore, so she now had a puddle of puke beside her.

"What, you mean this?" asked Tamamo, holding a decapitated head. She tossed it behind her, the female head making a 'squish' sound on impact. "It's fine. It's not like anyone voted for her on the poll."

"B-But we didn't get to develop her character yet! Of _course_ no one would vote for her-" Shirou's rant was quickly stopped by Ilya's classic 'Don't be an idiot' glare. That shut Shirou up quite nicely.

"Well, since we're in the middle of nowhere, why don't you and Shirano get to know each other better?"

* * *

"Time to wake up Shirou!" said Sakura, getting up from her futon. Her gut was telling her that something was wrong, very wrong. "...Why are my Shirou-senses tingling?" The girl examined her surroundings.

Shirou doll? Check.

Saber archery target? Check.

"How to be a Better Yandere Sister" book? Check.

What was wrong?

She found out once she stepped out of her tent. A big crater the size of one of the tents the servile sisters packed was in the place of Shirou's tent. Picking up her bow and quiver, she jogged towards it. There was no sign of Shirou, and it seemed like no one else noticed. Whipping around, she checked for anything else out of the ordinary.

"Another crater!?" exclaimed Sakura. If she wasn't mistaken, the crater was where the new girl's tent was supposed to be. What was her name again? "...Shirano, Shirano Kishinami."

"I-I must sound the **Emiya Alarm**!"

* * *

_**Footnotes:**_

_**Tamamo: Playable Caster in Fate/Extra**_

_**Shirou-Senses: Originally found in the Exit Red Saber chapter. Parody of Spidey-Senses**_

_**Emiya-Alarm: Originally found in the Enter Ilya chapter. Sounded off when there's an emergency involving our hero **_

* * *

**5.) Sorry for the brevity! That's why I'm taking a mini-Hiatus: To gather up my ideas. Feel free to send my Beta and I suggestions through a review!**

* * *

**_Love Points:_  
**

_**Sadie: From 3 to infinity**_

_**Alter: -1**_

_**Lily: 7**_

_**Ayaka: 7**_

_**Rin: From 0 to 7**_

_**Sakura: 7.5**_

_**Rider: 0 (yay, neutral!)**_

_**Luvia: 5**_

_**Kokone Kizuki (Stray Servant): 7**_

_**Atalanta: 3.5**_

_**Ciel: From -2 to 6**_

_**Hisui: 2**_

_**Kohaku: 3**_

_**Akiha: ? (less than zero)**_

**_Joan of Arc: 0 (neutral)_**

**_Illyasviel von Einsbern: Indeterminable (deceased)_**

**_Shiki Ryougi: 0.5_**

**_Protagonist: 3.5_**

**_Alice: EXITED_**

**_Aoko Aozaki: Unknown_**

**_Tamamo: ENTERED_**


	29. Intermission - Arrow to the Heart

**1.) I'm not an idiot. I can see how you guys absolutely _love_ the Intermissions, and how you guys don't really like the plot right now. The only thing I can say to reassure you is this: The humor will come back, and the seriousness will be balanced with comic relief. Just try to hang on.**

**2.) Details to know about this Intermission: This takes place before _Fate_, if Shirou had actually stayed in the Archery club. Also, the one who picked the pairing was _User_ _627_, so if you don't like the pairing, blame him (jk!). If you're wondering why he didn't pick someone popular like Alter or Rider, it's because I put this certain restriction: He couldn't pick anyone ranked 1-7 in the poll**

**3.) Poll Results: These are the top 7 (Plus, you can now check out the poll results any time you like!)**

_** 「1st - Saber!」**_

_** 2nd - Rider**_

_** 3rd - Rin**_

_** 4th - Alter**_

_** 5th - Lily**_

_** 6th - Joan of Arc**_

_** 7th - Ilya**_

**4.) Future of the Poll: Next week (Chapter Thirty), I will post yet _another poll_! This time, you can vote for THREE heroines, so I'd suggest you use your first one to fight in the Saber VS Rider battle, the second one should go to boosting up someone who still has a chance of winning (Turnabout Ilya!), while the third one should go to keeping someone off of the last three, where I pick the people who have to Exit.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fate/Stay Night. No copyright infringement intended**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_Chapter Twenty Nine: Intermission - Arrow to the Heart_

* * *

"Okay, we're all going on a camping trip, and it's open season, so if you want to join in the hunt, don't forget to bring your bow!" announced Ayako Mitsuduri, much to the Archery Club members's glee. They all felt overworked, and a nice little trek through the woods would definitely help relieve the stress from all the practice the member had gone through. Shirou Emiya, and his friend, were especially relieved. "We'll meet after Saturday classes, here at the dojo at three 'o clock in the afternoon, sharp!"

The club was dismissed, and after all the bows were replaced onto their proper racks, everyone left... except for two certain individuals. "Right, let's get this place fixed up!"

"Right away, Shirou!" cheered Sakura Matou, who proceeded to pick up a rug. They swept and polished, and stowed and disassembled, till Shirou could see his reflection everywhere he looked. Dusting off his hands, he escorted his purple-haired friend out of the building.

"Are you excited about the trip, Shirou?" asked Sakura, fiddling with her hair. It was obvious to everyone but Shirou that the Matou girl had a thing for the young Emiya, and to tell the truth, it was starting to annoy Sakura. Can't he take a little hint!? The sound of his baritone voice shook her out of her reverie.

"Well, I could use a little break. Ayako's a slave-driver!" joked Shirou. To Shirou, his relationship with Sakura was... well, it's complicated, okay? Shirou, even as dense as he was, could see that Sakura showed him affection, but on what level? Even if he could figure it out, there was still Shinji, who mysteriously disappeared (Maybe Rin Tohsaka finally did all of us a favor and "took him out" with a Gandr bullet). It's clearly stated in the Bro Code: You can't date your bro's sister. Shoving these thoughts out of his head, he finally noticed that they were in front of the gate to the Emiya estate. They entered the premises, still being nagged by their inner questions.

Little did they know that those questions would be answered during their little trip.

* * *

"~Auah! We're finally here!" cheered Sakura, practically flying out of the cramped bus. She was followed by Shirou and the others, who exited normally. It didn't seem like Sakura cared though. She had a plan, and she planned to execute it soon.

Operation: Arrow to the Heart is a go! Of course, someone was there to stop her.

Minori Mitsuduri. The same age as Sakura, he plans to make her his, and unfortunately for Sakura, he also had a plan he wanted to execute during the trip. He started by greeting his soon-to-be-bride, "Hey, Sakura!"

"Yeah, Ayako's over there," said Sakura, who was trying to find Shirou and his orange hair. She looked high and low, but the boy was nowhere near the campsite. Minori's fist tightened. _What is she looking for!?_

"But I'm not looking for Ayako, I'm here for you," flirted the boy, gasping Sakura's hand. She slapped his hand away, and decided to bring out her secret weapon. She wanted to use it on Shirou, but she needed to get rid of the imminent threat. Bringing out her bow and arrow set, she revealed her secret weapon. It was a picture of her in a pretty risqué _yukata_. She waved it on front of Minori, whose eyes were practically glued to the breasts that were threatening to spill out of the informal _kimono_. She taped it around the arrow, and fired, yelling, "Fetch!" Minori ran after the arrow, and in the blink of an eye, the obstacle was gone. That's when Shirou appeared, walking next to Ayako with a pile of logs in his arms. Sakura's eye twitched at how Ayako's hand gripped Shirou's bicep.

"Hello there, Sakura!" greeted Shirou, "Ayako and I were just going to set up the campfire. You wanna come?" Ayako's eye twitched. How was she supposed to win the bet with Rin when the only guy Ayako would want to be with is just so oblivious!? Ayako was about to whisper something into Shirou's ear, but she was silenced by the way Sakura's hair floated upward, and the way that an eerie purple aura leaked out of the normally kind girl. _S-So this is the power of a _Yandere_!_ Akayo decided to switch targets, for her own safety.

Letting go of Shirou's arm, Ayako walked over to Sakura, and whispered, "Just warming him up for you. It's up to you now." Ayako prayed to the omniscient entity watching over the universe, so that Sakura wouldn't try to poison her food, or anything of the sort. Ayako was greeted by a smile the serene Sakura usually had. Wiping her brow, Ayako did a little victory dance in her head. 'Not gonna die today!'

Sakura went forward and took Ayako's former place, her hand practically groping Shirou's toned arm.

_Phase One Complete._

* * *

"Where's Minori?" asked Ayako. He hadn't returned for a while now, and the sun was about to set. It was obvious that the tomboy was worried for her brother. "Has anyone seen him?" Ayako was mostly met by head shakes. She sighed. Why was her brother always getting into trouble!? Her savior came in the form of Shirou Emiya.

"I could help you guys look," said Shirou, getting up from the log-bench. Sakura had to hold in a smirk. Everything was falling into place. She was so happy, that she even let a ShirouXAyaka hug slide.

"I'll help too!" said Sakura. "Shirou and I'll go this way!" Before anyone could object, Sakura grabbed the ginger's hand, and dragged him into the forest's murky depths. Her first objective was to lower Shirou's defenses through small talk.

"There's this really good recipe that I got from this website..." These were the moments Sakura lived for, just her and Shirou talking about anything and everything under the sun.

Of course, all things end eventually.

A roar shook the forest, and as fear overtook her, she gripped onto Shirou's shirt, hiding her face into the crook of his neck. Instead of panicking, Shirou stole an arrow from the quiver on Sakura's back, and readied his bow. Sure, he would have reinforced it with prana if he could, but he didn't have the time to insert yet another Magic Circuit into his system. He was going to have to fight without Magecraft. Of course, since it was nearing nighttime, visibility in the dense forest was sparse. Shirou cried, "Go, Arrow of Light, pierce the heart of darkness!"

"This isn't a _Shounen_ manga!" exclaimed Sakura, as the adversary appeared. A wild brown bear usually found in stereotypical forest scenes appeared! Sakura immediately took her stance... behind Shirou. The boy internally sighed, and aimed the bow, only for the beast to slam its thick arm into Shirou stomach, sending both him and Sakura into a tree. "Y-You beast! You hurt Shirou! Sakura-"

"_-Punch!_" cried Sakura, her fist connecting with the bear's torso. The brown lump of fur flew into the sky, but the damage had been done. The light-hearted mood Sakura cherished so much was broken. Then she remembered that Shirou took the brunt of the bear's attack, and rushed over, only to blush. The bear had torn his shirt right off, exposing his toned grotesque muscles. Shirou, noticing where Sakura's gaze was focused at, blushed too. Sakura handed Shirou her hoodie, which Shirou gratefully accepted. Now that she was able to look at him without melting into a puddle of lust, Sakura approached her man. "A-Are you okay... Shirou?"

"Yeah. Nothing serious," replied Shirou, giving the purple-headed girl a reassuring smile that warmed Sakura to the core. "It hurts a little, though."

"H-How about I make it... feel better?" asked Sakura, her old shy tone resurfacing. She pressed up against him, her nose practically touching his. Shirou could feel everything - the way her bountiful chest heaved up and down, the way her violet hair seemed to create a little curtain that separated them from reality...

_...the way her pink lips glistened in the moonlight._

"W-What are you doing-"

Sakura closed the distance, their lips melding into one.

* * *

_**Footnotes:**_

_**Yukata: An informal summer kimono made out of thinner cotton**_

_**Go Arrow of Light, pierce the heart of darkness!: Reference to Kid Icarus: Uprising**_

_**Shounen: Directed towards male kids and teenagers. Examples: Detective Conan, DBZ**_

_**Sakura Punch: Reference to Naruto (Which I stopped watching)**_

* * *

**5.) Remember, I'll be bringing the light humor from the old days back from the dead soon enough, maybe even sooner than you think**

**6.) Please review! I noticed that you guys aren't reviewing as much... at least say "Hi!"**

**7.) My Beta and I'll see you later!**


	30. Switch! - Dark Sakura and Sakura

**1.) New poll on profile, with a new tweak added: You can now vote for three characters! Have fun!**

**2.) Told you guys I was going to get the story out of the seriousness rut. Of course, if you think I'm wrong in that regard, tell me in your _review! _**

**Disclaimer in earlier chapters**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_Chapter Thirty: Switch! - Dark Sakura and Sakura_

* * *

While the others were still asleep in their tents, Saber Alter was planning her Conquest: The Conquest to capture Shirou in his entirety. She marked the places she already marked with her scent - his back, his right arm, and by the transitive property, his lips. She made a good enough impression to prepare to strike at his core, AKA his heart. Saber Alter cut the Valentines Heart drawn next to Shirou's full body picture into four congruent spaces. The swordswoman wrote her name and three others' - Sadie, Rider, Rin - into the spaces. That symbolized the girls that had places in Shirou's heart... at least according to FanFiction. Saber Alter was shook out of her fourth-wall breaking reverie by the familiar sound of the Emiya Alarm.

"Heh, I wonder what happened," muttered Saber Alter, leaving the tent after stowing her "Map of Emiya". The corrupted Saber smirked.

"I have a feeling that things are about to get interesting."

* * *

"Gyah!" exclaimed Sakura, the stress of a missing Shirou overwhelming her. There's research that says that some people react to stress by adapting into the required mindset to relieve the stress. It turns out that Sakura is one of those people. Her clothes morphed, turning into a knee-length black gown, with grotesque red lines running along it. The curvy dress that exaggerated her breasts leaked out an eerie red aura the same shade as her eyes. With her white hair, Sakura's transformation was complete.

「_Enter Dark Sakura._」

"Finally, I was getting sick of all that 'goody-two-shoes' crap," said Dark Sakura, stretching her arms. Her mischievous eyes darted everywhere, examining the campsite. "Let's get serious."

"Sa-Sakura!?" exclaimed Rin, completely thrown off by the appearance of Dark Sakura. Sure, she expected something like a Servant showdown, or a "Where in the World is Shirou Emiya?" meeting, but not Dark Sakura! They already had one Dark counterpart (Saber Alter). The last thing the harem would need is another one!

"Hey, _Nee-san_!" said Dark Sakura. With a flick of Dark Sakura's hand, Rin's skirt was flipped up, causing the Tohsaka heiress to blush, and quickly cover her crotch area. Why so mischievous? We already have the dark _yandere_ part covered, courtesy of Saber Alter, but we don't have a Dark Prankster yet! Luckily (or unluckily), Dark Sakura fits the bill perfectly. "Nice little breeze we have here today!"

"Very ladylike, Rin!" exclaimed Luvia, who was approaching the Tohsaka sisters. Dark Sakura smirked. The more the merrier, they always say, so Dark Sakura spun like a Michael Jackson, and pointed a digit at the buxom ginger, ripping her dress into pieces.

"Hey! That costed more than Rin's bedroom!" cried Luvia, her arms flying toward the more private parts of a woman's anatomy. Dark Sakura chuckled. It was just so much fun relieving stress through ruining everyone else's day!

"Oh my," said Kokone Kizuki (Stray Servant), who had noticed all the hubbub, and was now hiding behind a conveniently placed pile of rubble. She summoned her shield, preparing to jump into the fray. "Is this what this FanFiction has degraded itself into? Is this story merely just _ecchi_/comedic moments and fourth-wall breaking!? I-I have to do something!"

"_Sword Art: _《_Kamehameha Jutsu - Art of the Noble Phantasm Aegis_》!" exclaimed Kokone, her shield glowing. She lobbed it Captain America-style, the disk flying toward Dark Sakura. It stopped a few inches from Dark Sakura's temple, much to Kokone's chagrin. Then her frown turned upside down when it pierced through whatever invisible barrier impeded its course earlier, striking Dark Sakura down.

"Her power level, i-it's over _nine thousand!_" cried Dark Sakura, fainting. Still, she showed no signs of reverting to her original form, the Sakura we've all come to know and love.

"Whew, saved this story's dignity," said Kokone, catching the shield as it flew towards her. Sadly, Kokone was horribly wrong.

There was no dignity to begin with.

* * *

"Sorry for that, Shirou," sighed Shirano, whose body was pressed up against Shirou's. Hard. "I guess my new Servant can be pretty selfish when it comes to accomplishing her goals." They were both locked into a box that Caster projected into the world, and for some reason, was unable to be occupied by phantoms like Ilya. The poor girl was locked outside, till Caster let Shirou and Shirano out. When will that be? When they've "Had a romantic talk". Kinda hard to have a romantic conversation with someone while both of your bodies are meshed together.

"I-It's fine, Shirano," said Shirou, thinking about swords and battle to clear his head of the perverse thoughts about the girl whose body was practically glued to his. He also thought about blessings and hills for some reason. The name Gabriel was a prominent thought too. "Maybe I can project a sword-"

The spontaneous cut along his cheek stopped him. Slithering his hand from Shirano's back pocket (how Tamamo managed to place it there is unknown), he felt his cheek, a sharp metal object protruding from the cut. The symptoms pointed to a disease only Shirou could contract: Unlimited Blade disease. It happens when blades pop out from his body, telling him to abandon all hopes of using Projection. Shirou sighed. "Might as well try to meet Tamamo's demands. Hello, I'm Shirou Emiya, and I like cooking."

Shirano sighed too. "Shirano Kishinami. I kinda hate housework, like cookin- never mind..." They talked for a while, and they both found out their similarities. To Shirou, it was like meeting Ayaka Sajyou all over again, and to Shirano, it was like talking with her twin brother, Hakuno Kishinami, all over again. Once they got to the topic about thinking with portals, the door to the closet opened.

Shirou exclaimed, "Freedom-"

"Shirou, what's wrong?" asked Shirano, following his gaze. They were in a grove, a sacred grove, with only nature surrounding the two. How they got there was known only to the entity that brought them to the grove. With trees, birds chirping, a calm stream of water flowing into a small lake, it truly was the definition of serenity. One thing stood out though. A sword, which had a golden hilt and looked holy, was sheathed in a pedestal in the ground. Shirou fell to his knees, his internal blade radar going crazy. He was sure he was in the right place.

"T-The sword my dad showed me in my dreams, the one that can set everyone free... the Four Sword is right in front of me!"

* * *

_**Footnotes:**_

_**Sword Art...: Reference to **_**Sword Art Online, Dragon Ball, _and_ Naruto_._**

**_Switch!: Dark Sakura will be taking Sakura's place in _everything_ (Love Notes, Poll, etc), so it isn't like the whole Four Swords fiasco _**

* * *

**3.) Shout out to Victor Petrenko, who gave the idea for Dark Sakura.**

**4.) Review! Tell me what you like/dislike about the chapter, and about the story as a whole! Of course, if you're too lazy to do that, you could just drop by and say "Hi!" to brighten up my day (_our_ day, if _Random_ happens to like reviews too).**

**See 'ya!**

* * *

**_Love Points:_  
**

_**Sadie: From 3 to infinity**_

_**Alter: -1**_

_**Lily: 7**_

_**Ayaka: 7**_

_**Rin: From 0 to 7**_

_**Dark Sakura: 0 (7.5 when reverted)**_

_**Rider: 0**_

_**Luvia: 5**_

_**Kokone Kizuki (Stray Servant): 7**_

_**Atalanta: 3.5**_

_**Ciel: From -2 to 6**_

_**Hisui: 2**_

_**Kohaku: 3**_

_**Akiha: ? (less than zero)**_

**_Joan of Arc: 0 (neutral)_**

**_Illyasviel von Einsbern: Indeterminable (deceased)_**

**_Shiki Ryougi: 0.5_**

**_Protagonist: 3.5_**

**_Aoko Aozaki: Unknown_**

**_Tamamo: ?_**


	31. Enter Alice Kuonji

**1.) Wow, a punctual update for once!**

**2.) To _Random_: Tell me which chapter you want me to send to you. ANY story. (TWOSK & UHW preferred)**

**3.) Poll Results:**

* * *

_2nd - Sakura & Sadie (Tie!)_

_1st - Rider_

* * *

**4.) Dark Sakura: Some people didn't really like the switch, but I found it necessary. I mean, who doesn't want more Sakura!? After she gets over the fact that Shirou may always be out of her reach, she may revert. Only time will tell...**

**Disclaimer in earlier chapters**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_Chapter Thirty One: Enter Alice Kuonji_

* * *

The council meeting was held in a tent the Maid Sisters happened to bring that was the size of two classrooms. Around the long oval-shaped table sat the harem-ers, with an unconscious Dark Sakura strapped to the center. The host of the council meeting, Rin Tohsaka, stood up.

"First things first," said Rin, looking over to her sister, "what do we do with Saku- I mean Dark Sakura?"

"Burn the heretic!" exclaimed Saber Alter, ulterior motives in mind. Sakura was now a driving force in Shirou's heart (according to poll results), and that proved to be dangerous to Alter's plans. "Maybe we can whack her persona out of her mind!"

"Can we not say the words 'Burn the heretic' please?" said Joan of Arc, unconsciously scooting away from Dark Saber. Those words sent Joan to her death at the stake, and the memory wasn't a good one. Well, she wouldn't have been able to meet Shirou had it not been for her dying, so she supposed that it was worth it in the end. Speaking of Shirou, she still didn't truly know how she felt towards the unlucky ginger.

"_Hold it!_" exclaimed Ayaka, standing up from her seat. Before Saber Alter or Rin could seat her, she said, "Shouldn't we find Shirou first?" She was met by murmurs of agreement. Ayaka knew she had to act fast. If she truly knew Shirou (which she does), she knew the situation he was in. He was probably head-deep in some girl's pants, with the True Grail manipulating his already-abysmal luck.

"Sure," said Rin, smirking, "if you can think of a way to reach him." Instead of backing down like Rin expected, Ayaka Sajyou stood her ground, her determined look akin to the expression Shirou always had before he did something heroically stupid. Especially when he said the line: People die when they're killed.

"I could use Witchcraft to teleport to him." Ayaka told the girls about the traces of Witchcraft found in the craters that only a Witchcraft user could see. She inferred that it had been a pretty powerful Witchcraft that had teleported Shirou and Shirano to somewhere far away, and that if Ayaka were to combine her Formalcraft and Witchcraft, she could probably follow the trail the unknown person's Witchcraft left behind. Of course, after a few calculations, Ayaka soon found out that she needed just one more Witchcraft user to finish the job. "Any volunteers?"

At that moment, a mysterious lady walked in. Donned in black, she looked like a priest, much to Rin's chagrin. In fact, a lot of her was black, like her dull hair and cold eyes. The only thing that stood out of the black was her pale white skin, which was a common trend among Shirou's harem-ers.

"Aoko said you needed help. I don't really want to, but I'll lend a hand."

* * *

_Du-du-du-duuuuuuuun!_

"I finally have it," muttered the stoked teenager, the golden sword in hand. "The Four Sword!"

"Fufu, you look funny Shirou," giggled Shirano, her hand flying to her mouth. If Shirou were any less oblivious, he would have noticed the red tint on the brunette's cheeks, or the way her posture screamed: Lemme have your babies this instant! "Anyway, what does that little sword do?"

"Destroys Grail shards." Then without a moment's hesitation, he plunged it into his abdomen. Shirano gasped at the sight. Of course, that was till an unharmed Shirou pulled it out, an inquisitive look on his face. He pierced himself again, yet the outcome was the same. "What the Root!?"

"I don't think that'll work on you," said a spontaneous Ilya, looking at the tiny black Psyche-Lock covering Shirou's left pectoral, and as a result, his heart. She then shifted her gaze to Shirano, who also had an obsidian-black Psyche-Lock over her heart. "It won't work on her either."

"But that's the whole reason I came here!" exclaimed Shirou, much to Shirano's confusion. "If I can't save the girls-"

"I'm not saying that you can't save the others," said Ilya, taking a Tohsaka-like pose. "All I'm saying is that you and the brunette can't be freed." The sad look on the young Emiya didn't fade.

"But I have a Main Shard. As long as I have it, I'll still have a Harem," explained Shirou. Shirano decided to phase out of the conversation, since the terms they were using were foreign to her. Then Shirano noticed a pink-haired girl in a _yukata_ hiding behind a tree. Shirano approached her Servant, the said familiar's face brightening at her Master's presence.

"So... how are you and Shirou doing, Master?"

"We're doing fine," said Shirano, "and please don't call me Master. 'Shirano' is just fine."

"Okay... Shirano! Got it Master!" The brown-haired girl had to resist smacking her forehead when the next thing Tamamo said froze her. "You on second base yet-"

"No-no-no-no-no-no-no-_no_!" exclaimed Shirano, red overtaking her white ebony skin. "We're just friends, though- never mind."

"Tell me _everything!_" egged on Tamamo, balling up Shirano's crop top in her hand. "It's not like we'll be interrupted-"

_**BOOM!**_ The tranquil grove was interrupted by a loud sound that pierce the sound barrier. Tamamo and Shirano rushed to the scene. What they found was truly gruesome... well, in regards to Tamamo's schemes.

"You okay, Ayaka?" said Shirou, now surrounded by girls. The teleportation worked, and now, a certain lucky girl was in the arms of the one she liked a lot.

"Y-Yeah," replied Ayaka, who knew she was blushing. She didn't really give a damn though. "Well, what do we do now?"

"...Let's go home."

* * *

_**Footnotes:**_

_**Du du du duuuuuuuuuun!: Reference to the Legend of Zelda series**_

_**Alice Kuonji: A Witch from **_**Mahou Tsukai no Yuru**_**, a Visual Novel by Type-Moon. For more info, go to the poll and click on her name.**_

* * *

**5.) Please review, especially if you want to complain! All concerns will be addressed in the AN before the start of the chapter**

**6.) Vote in the poll! You can choose up to THREE characters now, so knock yourselves out!**

**Goodbye!**

* * *

**_Love Points:_  
**

_**Sadie: From 3 to infinity**_

_**Alter: 0**_

_**Lily: 7**_

_**Ayaka: 8**_

_**Rin: From 0 to 7**_

_**Dark Sakura: 0 (7.5 when reverted)**_

_**Rider: 0**_

_**Luvia: 5**_

_**Kokone Kizuki (Stray Servant): 7**_

_**Atalanta: 3.5**_

_**Ciel: From -2 to 6**_

_**Hisui: 2**_

_**Kohaku: 3**_

_**Akiha: 0**_

**_Joan of Arc: 0.5_**

**_Illyasviel von Einsbern: Indeterminable (deceased)_**

**_Shiki Ryougi: 0.5_**

**_Protagonist: 5_**

**_Aoko Aozaki: Unknown_**

**_Tamamo: 0_**

**_Alice Kuonji: ENTERED_**


	32. Enter Riesbyfe Stridberg

**1.) Sorry for the late update! You see, I seem to be running out of heroines. We might make it to Ch. 40 before we reach the bottom, and I have no idea what to do then. Maybe a few non-Nasu-verse inserts? Please tell me your opinion!**

**2.) I've been thinking about posting a forum, so that you guys can talk about anything UHW-related: what heroine should premiere next, Rider VS Saber, and more. Plus, I could post a sort of tournament for UHW, and I can talk with the community! Please tell me your opinion on this too!**

**3.) Poll Results:**

_**Rider - 1st**_

_**Saber VS Sakura - 2nd**_

_**Ilya - 3rd**_

_**Ciel VS Akiha - Dead last**_

**Disclaimer in earlier chapters**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_Chapter Thirty Two: Enter Riesbyfe Stridberg_

* * *

_~At the Emiya Household~_

"The whole reason I went to wherever that place is was to get this," said Shirou, brandishing the Four Sword. Saber gasped. It was the sword from her dreams, the one that split her up into four! "Apparently, it can destroy Grail Shards. I think you all know what that means."

Shirou let the thought sink in. Everyone had the same thing in mind. _'I... can be free? No more harem antics?'_

"Anyone who wants to leave permanently can step up to be... _de-grailed_," stated Shirou, coining a new term. "Anyone?"

"Shirou." Out of the awkward silence, one of the female warriors stood up. Kokone said, "I think I speak for everyone when I say: We don't want to leave. We've come to love you, and-"

"Not me," contradicted Alice Kuonji, eliciting a few gasps. "Emiya, hand me the sword-"

"Hold it!" interjected a familiar voice. Ayaka sighed._ 'Can we stop it with the interjections!?'_ Out of the blue came Miss Blue herself, Aoko Aozaki, winner of the Most Random Appearance award (with Ciel as a runner-up). "Alice, can I talk to you for a sec?" They formed a two-man huddle, which looked kinda weird A thin emotionless girl donned in black with her arms around the shoulders of a cheerful and passionate red-head would, at the very least, turn a few heads.

"Hey Shirou." At his name, Shirou's head snapped up.

"Yeah Aoko?" At the word 'Aoko', the Magician cringed.

"...I'll let that one slide. For now," said Aoko, a mischievous plastered onto her face. Shirou unconsciously gulped. "Anyway, do you have a few spare rooms? We're gonna need a place to stay!"

* * *

Enter Riesbyfe Stridberg, Maiden of the Holy Shield, Heretic Hunter of the Church... well, _former_ Heretic Hunter of the Church. After a few certain mishaps (Ciel framed her for the big curry mess in the cafeteria), she was suspended, and now she used her Holy Shield for mercenary business.

Riesbyfe takes a peek at the quest form she got:

_Keep an eye out on Aoko Aozaki. Sure, I could send my puppets, but she'll recognize them in an instant. Every time you mail your weekly report to XXX, you will be paid. Good Luck._

_Side Note - Sources say that she's moved in with someone named Shirou Emiya. Might make you work easier with that little tidbit of info._

_-Touko Aozaki_

Sigh. In front of the silver-haired girl stood the Emiya estate, in all its Japanese glory. She rings the doorbell, an overused tone echoing throughout the house. After a few moments, footsteps could be heard, followed by the door opening.

"Hello, um, how may I help you?" asked a maid with deep amber eyes. Riesbyfe fingered her neckline. She didn't really like interacting with people unless necessary.

"I would like to rent out a room," said the Maiden, following the maid, who started skipping down the hall. Riesbyfe envied her cheerfulness, as Riesbyfe couldn't remember a time when she was that carefree.

"_Goshujin-sama_, there's someone who wants to rent a room!" exclaimed Kohaku. A young man whose forehead only reached up to her eyes approached her, hand extended. She assumed that he was the master of the house, and that he was a puny master. Then the girl she loathed most made her appearance too.

"Shirou, can we have curry for dinner?" asked Ciel, a Heretic Hunter of the Church herself. At the sight of the blue-haired girl, Riesbyfe cringed. She drew her blade and put it to the base of the neck of the person who ruined her career. The blue-haired woman looked up, and said, "...Riesbyfe."

"Just shut up, scum." Ciel reached behind her, and drew a few Black Keys. A storm was brewing, and Shirou didn't like it for a few reasons. One, it would destroy the house, leading to more work for Shirou and his maids. Two, fights are bad. Three, it was really unoriginal. C'mon, this plot line was already used! (Exit Risaya and Manaka) Luckily the fight was broken up by Luvia, who had held back Ciel with a headlock, and Ayaka, who pinned Riesbyfe's clothing to the wall. Then Riesbyfe muttered something incomprehensible to the others.

_"...Soon."_

* * *

Alter was in her room, plotting and scheming. For some unknown reason, she was edged out of Shirou's heart by Rider (No surprise), Saber (Not a surprise either), Sakura (...wow), and Ilya. She had to make a plan, and she needed to execute it quickly. Then she was interrupted by one of her rivals.

"Hey there, Saber-chan!" said Dark Sakura, in that mischievous tone Alter came to hate. "What are you do-do... achoo!" The paper Alter was writing spontaneously combusted, leaving her a few ashes in place of the plans she worked all week on. Before Black Saber could knock Dark Sakura into the atmosphere, the latter's face contorted, her black dress turning into the usual school uniform. The pale white hair turned purple, and the revert process was done. The old Sakura was back.

"Sorry, my evil side does that sometimes," said Sakura, bowing. She turned over to Alter's sole roommate, Lily, and said, "Can I have a sheet of paper, please?"

"Take it," replied Lily, handing Sakura a pink sheet. At Sakura's eyebrow raise, she added, "What? Since I am the epitome of femininity, my stuff has to live up to my title too!" Sakura was going to ask for a different colored sheet, when she was put into yet another trance, transforming into her Dark Counterpart. Smirking, she handed the sheet to a pissed-off Alter, who cringed at how peppy the sheet was. The Dark Arturia sighed.

_'Why can't things just go my way!?'_

* * *

_**Footnotes:**  
_

_**Riesbyfe Stridberg: Check the poll for more info (click her name). **_

* * *

**4.) Please review! Here are a few review classifications:**

**Awesome Review - A long review consisting of good and bad responses**

**Okay Review - A short review answering the questions I asked in the AN**

**Lazy/Pressed for time Review - "Hi!"**

**No Review - Sad author**

**5.) See ya!**

* * *

**_Love Points (Unbold number means the number changed):_  
**

_**Sadie: From 3 to infinity**_

_**Alter: 0**_

_**Lily: 7**_

_**Ayaka: 8**_

_**Rin: From 0 to 7**_

_**Dark Sakura: 0 (7.5 when reverted)**_

_**Rider: 0**_

_**Luvia: 5**_

_**Kokone Kizuki (Stray Servant): 7**_

_**Atalanta: 3.5**_

_**Ciel: **3_

_**Hisui: 2**_

_**Kohaku: 3**_

_**Akiha: 0**_

**_Joan of Arc: 0.5_**

**_Illyasviel von Einsbern: Indeterminable (deceased)_**

**_Shiki Ryougi: 0.5_**

**_Protagonist: 5_**

**_Aoko Aozaki: Unknown_**

**_Tamamo: 0_**

**_Alice Kuonji: _**_-3_


	33. Intermission - Christmas Drabble Time!

**1.) Sorry to keep you waiting! I've been having a writer's block, so I've decided to have a Christmas Special... till I had another writer's block. I'm back though, and that's all that matters... right?**

**2.) Forum's up! Here's the link: /forum/Unlimited-Harem-Works/124127/ (Paste this after the .net) Have fun!**

**3.) The "gimmick" of this intermission is that each girl (except for those with no votes) gets their own 100 word drabble (1900 words in total!). I hope this stirs up more interest in the less mainstream heroines. Also, this is arranged by how many votes a heroine got, in descending order.**

**Disclaimer in earlier chapters**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_Chapter Thirty Three: Intermission - Christmas Drabble Time!_

* * *

_-Saber-_

* * *

"Merry Christmas, Saber!" said Shirou, handing Saber a bento box, containing all of her favorites. "I hope you like it! Sorry for not being able to get you a gift, but it's pretty hard to get gifts for twenty two people without being a little thrifty."

"Here's yours, Shirou," said Saber, handing Shirou a shiny gold locket.

"Thanks a lot, Saber," said Shirou. He started walking away, till he remembered something. "Oh yeah! Saber, here's your cutlery-"He was stopped by a Saber with an empty bento box in hand. He had to chuckle.

"I guess some things never change."

* * *

_-Rider-_

* * *

"Merry Christmas... Emiya," said Rider, tossing Shirou a vial of ominous purple liquid. "If you're wondering what it is, it's cologne."

"Thanks! Coming from you, this must mean a lot." He reached into his pocket, and gave Rider a necklace that looked like her nail and chain weapon. "Anyway, here's your gift."

"..." She then left. Shirou decided that it would be a fine idea to try out the cologne. He sprayed it all over, then he buckled his knees, and fell. Rider appeared from the and smiled.

"...You're the only Christmas gift I want, Shirou, and now I have it!"

* * *

_-Saber Alter-_

* * *

"W-Why in the world are you chasing me!?" exclaimed Shirou. He rolled under a flying blade, diving into a room. Shutting the door, he braced himself for the worst.

"Hyah!" yelled Alter, kicking the door open. He tried to brush past her, but was back handed, slamming into a wall. He tried to move, but was tackled by Alter, and pinned to the ground by her weight.

"Could you please get off!?" politely asked Shirou, praying that Saber Alter would abide to his request. She shook her head, and locked lips with him. She smiled ominously, and pointed up.

"Mistletoe."

* * *

_-Sakura-_

* * *

"M-Mistletoe!?" said Sakura. Rin, who was holding up the said plant, smirked.

"Of course it is. How else are you supposed to get that red-headed ginger to kiss you?" replied Rin, gently stroking the mistletoe. "Now go put that on the common room's ceiling, while I lead Shirou here."

"O-Okay." After Rin left, Sakura grabbed a laddar, and taped the plant onto the ceiling. Sakura was practically vibrating out of nervousness. Then the man of her affections came in.

"Hey Saku- RA!" Rin shoved Shirou into the girl, and pointed up, saying, "Lover-kun, Mistletoe!"

"What... oh. Okay..."

They melded together.

* * *

_-Rin-_

* * *

"Rin," said Shirou, "are you okay?" The female magus was fiddling around, a slight tinge of red on her face. Once she noticed that he was standing there, she freaked, jumping slightly. As her eyebrows narrowed, Shirou knew he was going to get a signature Tohsaka Lecture.

"W-What do you mean 'Are you okay?' !? Are you assuming something!?" exclaimed Rin, her blush only getting stronger.

"Well, you're blushing, for one-"

"No I'm NOT!" yelled Rin, her voice's power forcing Shirou back a meter or two. She then tossed a black box at him, saying, "J-Just take that!"

"...Merry Christmas?"

* * *

_-Ilya-_

* * *

"Merry Christmas, Ilya!" said Shirou, handing the girl a wrapped present, which within contained a toy Berser-car. She fondled with the box, till she read the little card attached to it.

"...Why'd you call me 'Imouto-chan'? I'm obviously older!" said Ilya, puffing out her flat chest. Shirou wondered if he should back off, but decided that it would be fine to poke fun at the mini-Magus.

"Obviously? There's a... SMALL problem with that," said Shirou. Ilya puffed out her cheeks in response, comical steam coming out of her nose.

"Fine then, no gift for you." Then she walked away.

"W-What!?"

* * *

_-Joan of Arc-_

* * *

"I-Is this the religion I gave my life up for!?" exclaimed Joan of Arc, over looking all the bearded men, and all the female retail store employees wearing scandalous skimpy outfits. Wasn't Christmas supposed to be celebrating Jesus' birth, or has it changed?

"Joan, you look a little... ticked off," said Shirou, tapping the taller lady.

"It just makes me mad that this is what Christmas has degraded to. What happened to the Spirit of Christmas?"

"...You really want to know?" asked Shirou. Curious, she nodded. Shirou then boldly grabbed her hand, and led her away.

"Let me show you."

* * *

_-Tamamo no Mae-_

* * *

"Merry Christmas, Shirou!" said Tamamo, handing Shirou a pink vial. He took it cautiously, since the last "gift" she gave to the boy ended up trapping him in a box, with only Shirano inside. Shirou then swiftly gave her his gift (a tiny broom attached to a key ring), and tried to leave, only to be stopped by Tamamo.

"Why don't you try it out?" asked Tamamo, a hand on his shoulder. Shirou gulped, then an idea struck him. He drained the vial into Tamamo's mouth. Comical hearts formed over her eyes, as she chased after Shirou.

"A-A love potion!?"

* * *

_-Aoko Aozaki-_

* * *

"Shirou, what is the meaning of this!?" asked the potentially life-threatening magician, holding up Shirou's gift to her. It was a blue box, wrapped in blue wrapping paper, and inside the box was a blue shirt that said "Miss Blue".

"...Well, I don't really know you that well, so I decided to ask someone who did. Rin told me that you love the color blue, and that people who are close to you call you 'Miss Blue'." The poor boy was then poked in the chest, and crashed into a wall.

"Damn you, Akiha! Prepare yourself for a Christmas ass-whooping!"

* * *

_-Saber Lily-_

* * *

"So how are the decorations?" asked Shirou, showing off the dining room. It had all the classic Christmas ornaments: A wreath, a pine tree with bright red balls and lights topped off with a glowing star. Saber Lily had an apprehensive look on her face, her finger poking her cheek. Then, her cute pout turned devilish. She sheathed Caliburn, and reached into her dress, pulling out two brushes: one with white, one with pink.

"What-"

"-KARIBA!" cried Lily, slashing madly with the brushes. After the flying paint stopped, the whole Christmas arrangement was pink and white. Shirou sighed

"Christmas Femininity!"

* * *

_-Ayaka Sajyou-_

* * *

"Merry Christmas, Shirou!" said Ayaka, handing the boy a black box, with a red ribbon holding it all together. Shirou jumped a little, out of surprise. "...Anything wrong?"

"Nothing, it's just that my present to you looks just the same," said Shirou, revealing the similarly sized black box. "Anyway, Merry Christmas to you too!" They exchanged the black gifts, and opened it, reveling the same object: a pendant with a sword and a plant engraved into it. Shocked, they compared their gifts. One was a carbon-copy of the other.

"Wow, I guess we really are similar after all," chuckled Shirou.

* * *

_-Atalanta-_

* * *

"Why arth thy celebrations late, Shirou?" asked Atalanta. "Is the Solstice not on the twenty-first this harvest?" Shirou let out a chuckle, annoying Atalanta. Was she that out of touch with the modern world? No one could blame her, for she wasn't a Servant, so she didn't have foreknowledge on modern technology.

"It's called 'Christmas'. It's when people share what they have with each other," said Shirou, smiling at Atalanta.

"Oh, so it's like the Solstice feast!" said Atalanta. She reached into her sack, and brought out a huge chunk of bear meat. "I hope my contribution helps!"

Shirou sighed.

* * *

_-Fate/Extra Protagonist-_

* * *

"...Our presents are the same?" said Shirano and Shirou at the same time. Both were holding the same sword-keychain that the other had. Blushing, Shirano looked up into Shirou's eyes, while he did the same. "Wow, what a coincidence."

"Yeah," replied the boy. "I'm getting the feeling that something similar happened before-"

Somewhere in the grocery store, Ayaka sneezed onto her pendant.

"Yeah, like the author used the same plot device twice in the same chapter," said Shirano, pushing a lock of her auburn hair behind her ear. Then out of the blue, Shirou jumped up.

"W-We have an author!?"

* * *

_-Luvia-_

* * *

"Pretty nice jacket, huh Shirou?" asked Sakura, to which Shirou nodded.

"I'd buy it, but I ran out of money after buying twenty-three gifts," said Shirou. Once the two were out of the store, Luvia, dressed in red and green ninja garb, dropped from the ceiling, and bought the jacket Shirou commented on.

"Mission accomplished-"

"Yeah, this looks cool too," said Shirou's familiar voice. Luvia sighed, and bought that item too. This trend kept on going, till the two left the mall. Luvia smirked. She had gotten everything Shirou ever wanted.

Later, Shirou would facepalm at the gift-filled common room.

* * *

_-Kokone Kizuki-_

* * *

"Thanks a lot, Shirou!" said Kokone, who ripped apart the wrapping to reveal... a Captain America action figure. The red-headed boy who had seemed so suave to the girls slapped on an awkward grin, and back-pedaled away.

Kokone sighed. This just proved that everyone thought of her as a childish disk-lover. What she wanted was to break that impression, and to be more... lady-like - NO, more... Saber Lily-like! Of course, that was till she found out that the action figure could shoot out shields.

"I have the power!" cried Kokone, referencing He-Man, as she pelted everyone with plastic shields.

* * *

_-Kohaku and Hisui-_

* * *

"Everything can now fall into place," said Kohaku, rubbing her hands together like an evil villain.

"What're you doing?" asked her counterpart, Hisui, as she looked at the Ruth Goldberg contraption in front of them. At one end had a tripwire: At the other, a ketchup bottle.

"When Rin breaks the wire, the rubber band will shoot up, hitting the bowling ball. The ball with travel down the slide, till it falls on top of the ketchup bottle, ruining her dress and her Christmas!"

"...What if the unlucky person who triggers the 'trap' isn't Rin?"

Cue awkward silence.

"...Aw poop."

* * *

_-Shiki Ryougi-_

* * *

"Thanks, Shirou," said Shiki, accepting the gift. She pulled out a pen-knife, and activated her Mystic Eyes of Death Perception. In a split second, the wrapping disintegrated, revealing a wooden cube. Huh? Then she noticed some writing attached to a black line that said:

Cut along the line

She cut the cube along the line, and when it fell apart, a cute heart shape was left. Shiki blushed. Was this a love confession!?

"Um, that present wasn't from me, it was from that guy," said Shirou, pointing outside, where Shiki Tohno gave the thumbs-up.

She sighed, and beat Shiki up.

* * *

_-Alice Kuonji-_

* * *

"Hey, why're you all sad?" asked Shirou, making Alice whip around to face him. "It's Christmas! This is the time to celebrate!"

"What's there to celebrate?" Shirou then took a pondering pose.

"...Life in general?"

"My mother died, thanks to my birth." Shirou jumped up out of surprise. Sure, Kiritsugu died, but at least Shirou couldn't blame himself for it

"...You're surrounded by friends."

"I only have one friend, and she isn't here." Aoko went to get the groceries.

"...One person voted for you."

"And why would that be good?" asked Alice.

"Akiha, Ciel, and Riesbyfe aren't as loved."

"...Touche."

* * *

_-Ciel, Akiha, and Riesbyfe-_

* * *

Sitting next to Ciel and Riesbyfe, Akiha felt like a babysitter. Every now and then, Ciel would fling some of her curry at Riesbyfe, which - thanks to her Holy Shield - would get deflected back at Akiha. Her black hair was turning brown very quickly, and Akiha didn't like it! Turning red, her hair flung out to whack the curry back at Riesbyfe, who reflected it back to Ciel. It was a tennis game, till Ciel opened her mouth, swallowing all the curry in one go.

"Ah curry, how I love thee!"

"...This is why we don't have votes."

* * *

**5.) Please review! It helps me get out of a writer's block (which I currently am in).**

**6.) Support the forum by checking it out: /forum/Unlimited-Harem-Works/124127/ (paste it after the .net) Chat, have heroine tournaments, et cetera. Anything goes... unless it's against The Rules.**

**Goodbye!**


	34. Enter Ayako Mitsuzuri

**1.) Please, PLEASE, check out the forum: /forum/Unlimited-Harem-Works/124127/ (paste it right after the .net). I'll be posting periodical updates on how I'm doing with the story on one of the posts in the forum, so for those of you who want a Smash Dojo-like experience for this fic, support the forum! I'll post why I updated so late! Also on the forum is the main poll, which is also on my profile. Then, if it gets popular enough, _Random_ and I could host a little tourney between the harem-ers. Honestly, post whatever you want. Just don't do anything I wouldn't do (I'm looking at you, User 627).**

**Disclaimer still applies!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_Chapter Thirty Four: Enter Ayako Mitsuzuri_

* * *

"He's with... _her_ again," said Ayaka, pushing her glasses back onto the bridge of her nose. She - and a few others - were on the rooftop, spying on the boy and his psychotic ex-servant, Saber Alter. She had her arm wrapped around his, nothing wrong with that, but there was something missing... oh yeah. Where was the torture device? No knife, no stake. Nothing. Shirou was very thankful for that, though it scared him too. What kind of stunt could she pull, now that both of her hands were free? Plus, she had that cute little pout...

"I have no opinion," replied Joan of Arc, arms tucked under her bust. Internally, of course, she was filled to the brim with jealousy, but it would be unbecoming of both a French heroine and a Ruler to let the offending emotion show. "...But I do find the way that woman's holding Shirou a bit... ominous as if she'll snap him in half if he steps out of line. As a leader, I don't really like the sound of that."

"To be honest, I think it's fine!" said Saber Lily, her optimistic side bared to the world. "Dates might bring about Alter's feminine side! Plus, she didn't even bring her usual 'icebreakers' (weapons)." She didn't add the fact that if Alter became too similar to either Sadie or Lily, Alter's form would disassemble - just like Red's - and the spirit would travel into Sadie, eliminating the competition. Even a womanly girl like Lily can consider desperate measures.

"..." Using her super-Servant hearing, Saber Alter noticed the side comments of the three harem-ers, and cave a slightly OOC sigh. Alter wasn't stubborn. She knew that the comments were true. Was she really worthy of Shirou, and even if she was, world Shirou ever like a cold-blooded killer like her? Her "cute little pout" turned into a straight-out frown, surprising Shirou.

"I know you're supposed to be the 'nega-Saber'," said Shirou, "but please try to cheer up. It's a beautiful day, but I think it would be more beautiful if you could smile for me." That made something... spark within the _yandere_, as if reigniting the fiery passion within, as corny as that sounded. Shirou isn't a smooth talker for just anyone, and it showed. Alter's normally stoic face - and the three stalkers on the roof - were flushed, their heads as red as a strawberry. Ayaka was insanely jealous, Luvia was holding all the rage in - thanks to her _tsundere_ tendencies - and Lily was just Lily-ing around, glad that Shirou was starting to man up.

Slowly yet surely, the duo/quintet made their way to the Emiya estate. Alter didn't want the day to end. She was a _yandere_: she had to fill up the "dere-dere" part of that title. She couldn't be a psychopath _all_ the time! "Shirou, thanks for... today."

"It's fine," said Shirou, resisting the urge to pat Alter's head. And she was at the perfect height too... "Well, let's go inside- _mph!_" Soft yet cold lips pressed onto his chapped ones, and stayed that way for well over a minute. For some reason, it tasted like peaches, and Shirou made sure to note that down for... later reference. Before either one could deepen the kiss, they were interrupted by the three stalkers. The duo instantly split apart, Shirou blushing like an apple. "S-See you inside, Shirou."

"S-Sure, Alter," said Shirou, following the trio into the house... till he was forced to duck an arrow. "H-Holy Grail!" The stray arrow wasn't the only thing that was out-of-place. When Shirou rushed to the living room, an arrow in hand, he saw the unmoving corpse - scratch that, she was twitching a little - of Ayako Mitsuzuri. At the look on Shirou's face, one of the girls explained.

Apparently, Ayako Mitsuzuri visited the estate, and - seeing the bow strapped onto Atalanta's back - challenged the said Greek warrior to an archery contest. The identity of the winner was obvious, and the sore Ayako wouldn't have it! She then challenged Atalanta to a series of contests, such as wrestling, racing, et cetera, and the mighty Atalanta would win every bout. The Greek warrior didn't even break a decent sweat, while the poor human was dying to catch a breath.

"And I won't give up!" cried Ayako, pushing herself off of the floor. "Not until I defeat you, Miss...?"

"...Atalanta."

"Yeah, Miss Atalanta," continued the archer, pointing a finger at the better archer, "prepare to meet your match! Shirou, please hand me a room key! I really need easy access to a dojo, and with school still closed, your dojo's my only option! Please, I can do the chores and such!"

Shirou tried to let her down gently, knowing that she could potentially hold a Grail Shard within her. "Um, you see-"

"We're all out of usable rooms," said Hisui, interrupting her master, "...all twenty-three of them. And before you ask about the seemingly infinite number of storage rooms, it would take too long to unload and distribute the contents of even one room. Sure, you might be able to be 'comfortable' with all the misplaced furniture in your living environment, but Shirou might feel guilty. I have my pride as a maid, and I wouldn't want my... master dissatisfied, much less guilty."

"..." Just before Ayako gave up, help came in the form of a rival: Rin Tohsaka.

Smirking, the cunning _tsundere_ said, "My room's a little spacious, so I might be able to squeeze your large butt into my living room. Of course, you'll owe me, Ayako."

"..Did everyone forget that I own the place-"

"I guess I have to take you up on that, Rin," said Ayako, who walked up to the pig-tailed magus, and shook hands with her. "The taste of victory will be worth more than anything you can throw my way."

Rin had to resist the urge to let out an evil cackle. "We'll see." Atalanta just stood there, her gaze darting from Shirou, to Rin, and to the weak "archer".

"...Mi'lady Artemis, what hath I done wrong?"

* * *

**Footnotes:**

_**Mitsuzuri VS Mitsuduri: The wikia says that "-duri" is correct, while the mirror moon translation always says "-zuri", so I'm just going with what I'm confortable with.**_

* * *

**2.) Please vote on the main poll (which is on the forum!), check out the forum, but most importantly, REVIEW THE STORY! Heck, type a quick "Hi!" and click that bright blue/yellow button (depending if you're on desktop or mobile, respectively), and I'll be fine, though I live for long reviews (okay, well not _live__, _but I look forward to them.)**

**See ya! **

* * *

**_Love Points (Unbold number means the number changed):_  
**

_**Sadie: From 3 to infinity**_

_**Alter: **2_

_**Lily: **8_

_**Ayaka: **9_

_**Rin: From 0 to 7**_

_**Dark Sakura: 0 (7.5 when reverted)**_

_**Rider: 0**_

_**Luvia: **6_

_**Kokone Kizuki (Stray Servant): 7**_

_**Atalanta: 3.5**_

_**Ciel: 3**_

_**Hisui: 2**_

_**Kohaku: 3**_

_**Akiha: 0**_

**_Joan of Arc: 0.5_**

**_Illyasviel von Einsbern: Indeterminable (deceased)_**

**_Shiki Ryougi: 0.5_**

**_Protagonist: 5_**

**_Aoko Aozaki: Unknown_**

**_Tamamo: 0_**

**_Alice Kuonji: __-3_**

_**Riesbyfe Stridberg: -1**  
_

_**Ayako Mitsuzuri: ENTERED**_


	35. Enter Yukika Saegusa

**1.) Sorry to keep you waiting! It's just been hard to write due to hectic schoolwork. Now that the school fair is over, I can continue to write.**

**2.) Please GO TO THE FORUMS: /forum/Unlimited-Harem-Works/124127/ Just paste it after the .net!**

**Disclaimer in earlier chapters**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_Chapter Thirty-Five: Enter Yukika Saegusa_

* * *

Forced to train Ayako Mitsuzuri, Shirou Emiya sets up a makeshift shooting range with the help of a few harem-ers. The range was composed of a few pillows with red rings (courtesy of Saber Lily). Once the hard work was done, Shirou dusted off his hands, and said, "All done."

"Alright, Shirou," said Ayako, a smug grin on her face. Looking at the makeshift range, she knew that victory was at hand. Gripping her customized wooden bow, she fired off a bolt, the arrow almost hitting dead center. "Blast."

"Anyway," said Ayako, who decided to chat with Shirou a little, "you have quite the harem here, don't you? How'd you do it?" Shirou sighed, making Ayako laugh. She shot another arrow, getting just a little bit nearer to the bulls-eye. After a few more missed bolts, frustration bubbled within Ayako, her form getting a little more off.

"Calm down, Ayako," said Shirou. "Your form's off." Without waiting for a response, Shirou moved over to the girl, aligning his waist to hers. Pressing his rough body against her curvy one, he shifted her into the proper firing position. Both he and her slightly blushed at the contact. Then, Shirou visualized his arrow hitting the bulls-eye, and fired.

**_BAM!_**

"...I guess you still got it," said Ayako, her eyes refusing to the leave the arrow embedded in the center of the target. "...Shirou."

"..." Ayaka Sajyou didn't like the awkward silence one bit. She needed something, or _someone_, to distract Shirou from Ayako's unconscious advances. She didn't really like striking below the belt, but desperate times called for desperate measures. "...Uh, hey Yukika! Rin's in trouble!"

* * *

Enter Yukika Saegusa, the kind brown-haired manager of the Track Team. The shy girl loved by her classmates had one seemingly out-of-character aspect: she was obsessed with Rin Tohsaka. Her passion wasn't really love, but more on hero-worship. In fact, she even had a shrine erected for the pig-tailed magus that was unseen by anyone but Yukika. Not even her beloved brothers have laid eyes on the secret alcove filed to the brim with Rin-memorabilia. Due to all this, it was no wonder that she would be worried over her idol. "W-What!? Are you serious, Ayaka!?"

"Don't worry Rin, I'm on my way!" cried Yukika, slinging on her satchel. "I'm going out!" After her brothers nodded, the teenager ran out of the house.

* * *

Panting, a bent over Yukika put her hands on her knees. In front of the girl was the ominous Tohsaka manor. Thanks to the Bounded Field surrounding it, the manor makes unwelcome people feel like they had to leave, NOW. Still, the young Saegusa persevered. Before she could ring the doorbell, a nearby neighbor - a bald, elderly man entrusting his weight to the wooden staff he held - stopped her.

"Are you looking for Miss Tohsaka, by any chance?" asked the man in a raspy voice.

"Yes," said Yukika, beaming at the elderly man. She straightened her posture, and said, "Do you know where she is?"

"I've heard that she's moved 'temporarily' from her estate," replied the man, "though I haven't seen her in months."

"What!?" exclaimed Yukika, almost giving the old man a heart attack. "Can you PLEASE tell me where she is? This is really important!"

"Hehe *cough*, please calm down a little, Missy. You nearly shocked the skin off of me," said the wheezing man. "Anyway, I've also heard that she's moved into someplace owned by an Emiya-"

"Emiya estate, got it!" said Yukika, almost bowling the poor old man over when she ran past him. "Thanks a lot, sir!"

"Do you even know where the Emiyas live?" hollered the old man in vain, due to the fact that the girl was already out of sight. "Ah, kids these days..."

* * *

Saber and Riesbyfe were lounging in the living room, talking about stuff they can both relate to. "So... how's your sword."

"Excalibur is fine," replied Saber, stroking the invisible blade of Excalibur. "It may be a little underused nowadays, but as long as I'm able to continue to protect Shirou with it, I will be satisfied." She then looked over to the massive... THING that looked like a cello case. "How is your... weapon?"

"This is called 'True Apocrypha'," said Riesbyfe, a little nostalgic. "Also known as a Shield Gun, or a Spear Key. Basically a retractable foot-long spearhead attached to a giant shield." To this, Saber smiled, perplexing the Vampire Hunter.

"So we are Shirou's sword and shield?" said Saber, making Riesbyfe sigh.

"Honestly Saber," replied the silver-haired girl, "I don't-"

"_Rin!_"

* * *

"_Rin!_" exclaimed a tired Yukika. "Are you okay!? _Rin!?_" The cries of Yukika attracted Shirou's "guests" like flies to honey, but once they saw the dismayed school-girl, they quickly dispersed, a few of them saying, "Just another harem-er." Soon, the only ones left were Shirou, Rin, and Ayako.

"Rin, are you okay!?" asked Yukika, her hand motioning towards Rin's. The three of them facepalmed.

* * *

**Footnotes:**

**Yukika Saegusa: Just a background character. Since all the new heroines sem to be going off tangent, I've decided to pick some females within the realm of Fate/Stay Night**

* * *

**3.) Again, CHECK OUT THE FORUM: /forum/Unlimited-Harem-Works/124127/ Just paste it after the .net!**

**4.) Also, review! I never update till I get at least two reviews, but even if it _does _reach two, I'd still like to get more. (yes, I am a greedy author [insert evil laugh here])  
**

**5.) Suggest a new heroine! Side note: I'll try not to do female versions of male characters, so please don't suggest something like a Fem!Archer or something like that.**

**Goodbye!**

* * *

**_Love Points (Unbold number means the number changed):_  
**

**_Sadie: From 3 to infinity_**

**__****Alter: **2

**__****Lily: **8

**__****Ayaka:**_8_**_  
_**

**_Rin: From 0 to 7_**

**_Dark Sakura: 0 (7.5 when reverted)_**

**_Rider: 0_**

**__****Luvia: **6

**_Kokone Kizuki (Stray Servant): 7_**

**_Atalanta: 3.5_**

**_Ciel: 3_**

**_Hisui: 2_**

**_Kohaku: 3_**

**_Akiha: 0_**

******_Joan of Arc: 0.5_**

******_Illyasviel von Einsbern: Indeterminable (deceased)_**

******_Shiki Ryougi: 0.5_**

******_Protagonist: 5_**

******_Aoko Aozaki: Unknown_**

******_Tamamo: 0_**

******_Alice Kuonji: __-3_**

**__****Riesbyfe Stridberg: -1**  


**_Ayako Mitsuzuri: _**_2_

_**Yukika Saegusa: ENTERED**  
_


	36. Enter Stagnancy

**1.) ...This is just getting out of hand. Heroines, heroines everywhere. This story feels like it's gonna be a train wreck by the end of it. Don't worry: I will try to redirect the course it's taking.**

**2.) I've tried to improve the quality of the stuff I've put out. Please tell me if I'm doing fine ('cause I really need it)**

**3.) I might not update, thanks to the "too many heroines" problem. Hopefully, I'll be able to fix that by the next update.**

**Disclaimer in earlier chapters  
**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_Chapter Thirty-Six: Enter Stagnancy_

* * *

**AN: As you all know, I tend to exaggerate any key characteristic that a character has, Carnival Phantasm style. For example, Shirou's bad luck is now colossal, and Ciel's love for curry is insatiable. This rule is applied to Yukika too: her devotion to Rin is highly exaggerated, clouding her normally nice attitude.**

* * *

_'...What did I do to make her mad...'_ thought Shirou, as he suffered under the glare of Yukika, as Rin struggled to not facepalm. Instead, she thought of a few malicious plans to perform on whoever summoned Yukika. Very malicious plans indeed. Ayako just looked at the three with curiosity.

Deciding that she needed both Yukika and Shirou away from her to find out the culprit, she said, "Thanks for coming, Yukika! I'm just so pestered by this bumbling idiot. Could you take him out for a walk?"

"O-Of course, Rin! I'm afraid that you'll have to come with me, Shirou," said Yukika in a Sakura-ish manner. The _Yandere_ in question sneezed. Going back to Yukika's antics, the normally kind girl reached into her pockets, a depressingly blank expression on her face. Shirou learned to fear that expression: it was famously used by psychotic _Yanderes_ (Saber Alter), and people on the brink of death (Medea). Since the manager of the track team was luckily/unluckily healthy, Shirou braced himself for the worst.

"H-Handcuffs!?" exclaimed our hero, his pitiful gaze landing on the metal cuffs linking the two high school students together. Ayako smartly fled the scene, while Rin's anti-facepalm barrier broke, the palm of the pig-tailed magus slamming into her forehead. "I-Isn't this going a _little_ bit overboard?"

"Really?" replied Yukika, nor feigning her ignorance. "I see nothing- my goodness, where did these handcuffs come from?" Shirou face instantly gravitated towards the floor, but the ginger managed to avoid face-faulting.

_'I think the amount of _yanderes_ living here are affecting her...'_ thought both Rin and Shirou. Then, the former decided to hit two birds with one swor- stone. "Hey, Yukika, before you go..."

Yukika answered right away, "What is it, Rin?" The kind-hearted girl didn't seem to notice the frightening grin on her idol's face, but Shirou recognised it instantly: Tohsaka Expression #241 - Evil plan to mess up Luviagelita Edelfelt is now ready to be executed! Of course, before Shirou could save the buxom ginger, Rin stopped him.

"Please, eat out anywhere you want," said Rin, handing Yukika a debit card with "Luviagelita Edelfelt" in gold letters on the front. "Use this to cover te expenses. Don't worry: there's around ¥1,000,000 on it." Rin secretly hoped that Yukika would use up the ten thousand dollars worth of yen, but she knew Yukika wasn't one of those girls.

"Alright!" said Yukika. "Let's go, Shirou!" She then tugged the reluctant boy in her direction.

"Wait, why am I the one getting kicked out!? Don't I own this pla-" His monologue was cut off by the slam of the door. Rin smirked, bringing out a deerstalker hat, also known as a Sherlock Holmes hat. Where did Rin get one of these hats? From Luvia's room, of course! (AN: Check Chapter 16)

"Detective Rin is on the case!"

* * *

"N-No way..." said Ayako, looking at the archery target. Her arrow had split Atalanta's into two, and Atalanta's follow-up shot missed Ayako's. Ayako had won, and without a Rocky-styled training montage too. "I-I won!?"

"Good job," said Atalanta. Of course, she didn't fake the shot. That would be taking away Ayako's warrior pride. No, that misfire was legitimate... maybe. Anyway, Atalanta held out her hand for the obligatory handshake... which didn't come. Her opponent, Ayako Mitsuzuri, was looking around, clearly not interested in Atalanta's show of sportsmanship. The Greek heroine sighed. "...Just what art thou seeking?"

"Hm? Oh, I'm looking for Shirou," said the tomboy, rubbing the back of her head. "I couldn't have won without him. Where is he anyway?"

"I saw him run off with a dame just before the match," replied Atalanta, motioning towards the door. Ayako fell into despair. She thought, 'H-he left, without even watching me win!?' Taking a page from Rin's book, Ayako activated her _Tsundere _mode, her hair floating up ominously.

"Hehehe... Emiya..." muttered Ayako evilly, gripping her bow till her knuckles turned white.

* * *

"Okay," said Rin, whiteboard marker in hand, "who is the culprit?" Since Yukika is a high-school girl, it would be safe to assume that the person knew Yukika, and also went to school too. Also, the culprit would have to know the harem situation. Why else would someone claim that Rin was in trouble? She wrote the names down:

_Ayaka_

_Sakura_

"Wow, that was short," said Rin. She tapped her chin with the end of the marker, taking the Tohsaka position #1: left arm bent, with left hand on right elbow, while right hand was pointing up.

"Don't forget Ayako," said Illyasviel von Einsbern, startling the pig-tailed magus. Dusting herself off, Rin made sure to give Ilya the glare she deserved, which the dead Einsbern got in full.

"Don't startle me like that," said Rin, who was trying to regain her composure. Ilya shrugged in reply.

"So who do we ask first?" asked Ilya. Rin retook her pondering look, then a comical light-bulb appeared above her head.

"Why not Sakura?"

* * *

**4.) No new heroine here. At least I resolved the Ayako arc.**

**5.) I have too many heroines. Any idea on how to get rid of some? Please share!**

**Anyway, I'll see you next time!**

* * *

**_Love Points (Unbold number means the number changed):_  
**

**_Sadie: From 3 to infinity_**

**__****Alter: **2

**__****Lily: **8

**_Ayaka:__8__  
_**

**_Rin: _**_4.5_

**_Sakura: 7.5 (0)_**

**_Rider: 0_**

**__****Luvia: **6

**_Kokone Kizuki (Stray Servant): 7_**

**_Atalanta: 3.5_**

**_Ciel: 3_**

**_Hisui: 2_**

**_Kohaku: 3_**

**_Akiha: 0_**

******_Joan of Arc: 0.5_**

******_Illyasviel von Einsbern: Indeterminable (deceased)_**

******_Shiki Ryougi: 0.5_**

******_Protagonist: 5_**

******_Aoko Aozaki: Unknown_**

******_Tamamo: 0_**

******_Alice Kuonji: __-3_**

**__****Riesbyfe Stridberg: -1**  


**_Ayako Mitsuzuri: _**_3__  
_

_**Yukika Saegusa:** 0_


	37. Exeunt

**1.) I'm so so sorry for this! I think my execution was a little... off. It didn't help that I was running blind. Yeah, this experiment was a little too tough for an amateur like me to handle. Sorry again!**

**2.) For those who liked the first chapter - its serious yet light hearted tone - you may like this chapter. I toned down the craziness a little to actually be able to cap off the story. And yes, this is the final chapter. I might be able to fill in the holes at a later time, but I have no plans (or time) to fix it.**

**3.) The winners of the poll have been sneaked in pretty slyly, though it isn't too hard to figure out the winners. Besides, you can just check my profile if you _really _want to know.**

**Disclaimer still in effect**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_Final Chapter: Exeunt_

* * *

"High school's finally over," muttered Shirou Emiya, walking down the same old winding path from Homurahara Gakuen to the residential district with Rin Tohsaka and Sakura Matou by his side. It was the graduation of Shirou's batch, and it was his last day of being a high school boy. Soon he was to face many obstacles and make many decisions in his quest to save as many as possible, but that wasn't what he wanted to focus on. All he wanted to do was relax, if even for a moment.

He had finally dealt with the True Grail fiasco of the past.

After much negotiation, everyone agreed to part with the Grail Shards. (Well, everyone but Shirano, who couldn't part with the Shard even if she wanted to. Shirou would have to work on that.) They were just too much trouble. Luckily, everyone survived the sudden loss of infatuation and drive, and the Emiya residence was as vacant as it was since before the Holy Grail War. Magi like Luvia went back to their various organizations to continue their research, certain ghosts like Ilya have finally found no reason to stay in the realm and left as a result, mundane people like Yukika no longer felt the urge to be near Shirou and went their own oath, and all in all, everyone who wasn't dependent on the Magus Killer's son had left. That cut the count from a whopping twenty-four girls living in his house to a decent three, six if you counted Rin, Sakura, and Rider. It was still a good amount of people, especially if you tossed Taiga into the number of dependents, but it was way more bearable than twenty-four. And that was it. There would be no more Emiya-Alarms, no more female frenzies, no more infatuation induced OOC-ness.

And Shirou was happy.

"Not for me..." shyly commented Sakura, whose dark side had disappeared along with the Shard. "I still have one more year to go." Shirou decided to flash her a smile of empathy, while Rin tussled the violet-haired girl's hair, messing it up. Sakura pouted, but didn't put up any more protest.

"It's better that way, Sakura," said the eldest of the two siblings. Speaking about the pig-tailed magus, she brought her left hand to her right elbow with her right hand and index finger pointed skyward: Tohsaka Lecture Position #1. Shirou flinched out of habit: whenever that thing was directed at him, he knew that he would always come out with either a bruised body or a bruised ego. Or both. Luckily, Sakura wasn't trained to be afraid on sight, and he knew that Rin reserved all her most stinging insults for him, so Sakura would most likely be spared the damage. "Once I get to the Clock Tower, I can establish some connections that might make it easier to let you in. By the way..."

From the tingling feeling on his neck, Shirou could tell that Rin was giving him her full attention. Whether that was a good thing or not is up to you to decide. "...Are you going to the Clock Tower too, Shirou?"

"I might, but my dad's made a lot of enemies. Plus, if anyone finds out that I have a Reality Marble, I'll get slapped with a Sealing Designation for sure." Speaking about his Reality Marble, it did not revert to normal. It was still Unlimited Harem Works. His world now revolved around the people – the women, to be specific – around him. Sure, he still liked to save people, but now, the people closest to him took priority. It wasn't exactly how _that guy_ wanted it – Shirou still lacked the self-preservation _he_ wanted - but it would have to do for now. "I'll think about it. Why are you asking?"

"Because you destroyed the diary- _journal _I gave you," said Rin, referencing the seemingly mundane journal from the first chapter. It happened in the blink of an eye. On one particular night, Shirou was finally writing down the name of the person closest to his heart, and just before he reached the girl's name... the book blew up in Rin's face.

"You know what I'm talking about, Rin," countered Shirou, trying his best not to give her anything more than stoicism. Anything more than that would only give satisfaction to the pig-tailed magus, and that wouldn't do. Rin was scary when she had what she wanted. Shirou fished into his pockets for the keys to his house. Sure, he could simply project keys – anything he's ever seen in a woman's hands would be stored in his Reality Marble – but he preferred to not be too reliant on his Magecraft. Whipping out the needed tool, Shirou unlocked the door and stepped into the hallway... where his jaw dropped to the floor. "Holy _grail!_"

"...Happy Birthday?" asked Shirou to no one in particular. That was what the banner said. And it seemed to be a happy celebration indeed. Saber was having a lighthearted conversation with Riesbyfe, Atalanta and Joan of Arc about Noble Phantasms (and cars), Ghostly Ilya played a few card games with Ayaka, Tamamo no Mae, and Shirano (where the ghastly girl seemed to suspiciously be winning each time), Hisui, whose sister was occupied in the kitchen, was cleaning up Ciel's curry-caked face, Rider was having a staring contest with Shiki Ryougi (both had their Mystic Eyes inactive, of course), Luvia and Akiha were talking about possible future partnerships between the two noble juggernauts, Yukika was talking to Ayako about college stuff, while the Stray Servant and Aoko were trying to get Alice to laugh, to no avail. "W-What!?"

"While the Fourth Grail War was anything but leisurely, the vehicles that I got to mount were exquisite- Shirou?" said Saber, noticing the boy at the hallway.

"Shirou?" said Rider, looking away from Shiki's deadly eyes and costing her the match. She didn't really care though: she was bored of looking at the girl's mug for however long the match lasted. Little did she know that they stared at each other for three hours.

"Surprise, Shirou," said Rin from behind his back. He shivered, much to her satisfaction.

"Master's Beloved!" acknowledged Tamamo no Mae, accidentally dropping her cards. Next to her, Ilya whipped her intangible body to face the boy.

"Onii-chan!" cheered Ilya, who didn't make the same mistake as Tamamo. She definitely wasn't going to do that when she was on a great streak.

"I'm sorry for not telling you, Senpai," said Sakura, "but you'd be against the idea of celebrating your birthday because it's 'not worth the trouble of celebrating' or something."

"...Shirou," said Joan of Arc, who was still a little guilty of the past events. Even if she was forgiven, her pride still wouldn't let her get back up till she paid the debt back in full.

"Shirou, you're late," said Aoko, tossing her red hair over her shoulder. The smile she gave him chilled him to the bone.

"Hello, Shirou," said Ayaka, giving the boy a small-yet-warm smile. The magus recovered enough to smile back out of reflex.

"How art thou, Shirou?" said Atalanta, who straightened her back up to be as presentable as possible. Too bad she let her old accent out.

Turning away from Akiha, Luvia made sure to address the boy. "Hello, Shirou. I see you still have yet to join the Association. Mind if I lend a hand?"

"Shirou," said Shiki Ryougi, not really satisfied by her victory against Medusa. She made a mental note to challenge the Gorgon again.

"Shirou!" cheered Kokone, the Stray Servant, waving the arm with her shield strapped on to it at him. He waved back out of habit.

"H-Hello, Shirou," said Shirano timidly, bowing her head a little in respect to the one who saved her life and the guy who offered to shelter her.

"Chiwou," muttered Ciel, back straight to give off a respectable aura. Too bad the image was ruined by the stuffed mouth.

"Shirou, it's a pleasure to meet you again," said Akiha, bowing to the boy.

"Shirou," said Riesbyfe, saluting the boy.

Kohaku, peeking her head out of the kitchen, smiled. "Good day, Shi-"

"-rou," completed Hisui, who stood ever vigilant by Ciel's side with a handkerchief in hand.

"Shirou Emiya," said Alice in a monotone, her expression not brightening in the slightest.

"Oi, Shirou! One more round of archery before I leave for Toudai: what do ya say?" proposed Ayako.

"Um... hello, Emiya-san," said Yukika, not knowing (remembering) why everyone stopped what they were doing just to greet him.

"...Hello, everyone," said Shirou, who was slowly starting to regain his bearings. Why was everyone there? Sure, the appearances of the likes of Ayaka and Luvia could be easily explained, and seeing Joan of Arc, Aoko and Shiki could be explained with out too much trouble, but there were just some people that should not have been there. Ilya was a prime example. He saw her peacefully fade away. How was she back? Also, how did they figure out his birthday? Even HE didn't know his birthday! Sure, with the right calculations... "Erm... care to explain?"

The girls all looked at each other, feral grins appearing on their faces. It scared Shirou sh*tless, though it was oddly nostalgic to him. "Charge!"

As a bunch of women made a beeline for him, with Rin and oddly enough_ Sakura_ holding him in place, he wondered if Gaia was trying to destroy his existence. If so, it was doing a pretty good job. "Wait wait wait- _gwah!_"

* * *

**4.) And that ends this very... interesting series. Looking back, the start was fine. Maybe if characters were more developed, or maybe if it wasn't so rushed. Introducing a new character every week is a bad idea, and I sadly learned that the hard way. Oh well, I'll do better with my next fic. Anyway, I hope you liked the story, even if it was hugely flawed. **

**Till we meet again...**

**Till we meet again...**


End file.
